The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

enters. He is now dressed in frock-coat, silk hat, etc., with stethoscope sticking conspicuously out of his pocket. He walks with professional air.)

      Oh, Balbus! look at him!

      ANDREW. I see nothing to laugh at!

      NANNY. Nor I.

      ANDREW. But I am not coming with you. It wouldn’t be professional to play cricket, and a physician must attend to medical etiquette.

      NANNY. DO come!

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. DO!

      ANDREW. No.

      JASPER. Come, though you don’t play. There may be accidents, and a leg to set, or some stumps to draw.

      ANDREW. Ha! (Enters punt.)

      JASPER. Stop! (Gets out of punt — takes hat and puts in drawer in cabin, returns to punt and exit.)

      (W. G. punts off, NANNY playing banjo. Punt disappears to) —

      O’er the swiftly flowing tide, Gaily we row the boat along, We wake the echoes far and wide With laughter and with song. Yeo ho, yeo ho, We gaily row, Gaily we row the boat along, We wake the echoes far and wide With laughter and with song.

      (After a pause enter SARAH along bank. She is looking about her suspiciously.)

      SARAH (sitting on bank). Oh, Jasper Phipps, if I could only find you, wouldn’t I comb your hair for you.

      (The cuckoo is heard.)

      JASPER. Damn that cuckoo!

      SARAH (starts to her feet). Jasper’s voice — he’s on board this boat. (Has almost gone off.) He is found! Found, found! (Assumes fighting position and cries) Jasper Phipps, hi!

      (Getting no answer, she looks about her. Then rushes into saloon, then into JASPER’S bedroom, where she sees his clothes, cries)

      His wedding clothes!

      (Folds them up, runs with them, reappears, runs through saloon with them, cries)

      He is gone! (Runs on deck, cries) But he must come back.

      (Puts clothes on lap, on deck, cries) I’ll wait!

      (Sits down on chair determinedly, with arms folded.)

      ACT III

      Evening, moonlight. The houseboat is precisely as when curtain fell on Act II, except that Sarah is now asleep in her chair on deck. From a distance is heard a piano with whistling accompaniment. Light splashes, as if of water rats, rustling in branches and ‘wheep wheep’ of birds settling to sleep. Next the sound of oars and a Cockney voice, ‘Look where you’re shoving your blooming canoe.’ A shadowy boat with one light goes by, a bat flaps about, and disappears. A distant clock strikes nine. Next a punt passes, containing a male and female figure. Man exclaims, ‘My darling, let us glide on like this for ever and ever!’ The woman answers, ‘But what would mamma say?’ Then someone is heard singing a verse of a song.

      DISTANCE. The singing fades away into distance, then the sound of punting.

      (KIT and BEN enter on bank.)

      BEN. Here we are, Mr. Upjohn, but you see they ain’t back yet! Hi! no, there’s not a soul aboard!

      KIT (boarding). I’ll wait for them, Ben! They must be back for supper presently!

      BEN. I dunno, Mr. Upjohn. Penny, the servant gal, says as them are late for everything since the Colonel came. You have heard on him, sir?

      KIT. I heard of him at the Inn!

      BEN. He saved the young lady’s life — he did!

      KIT. So I was told! (Sits on plank.) But why should that make them late for everything?

      BEN. Penny says it’s because he do have such a way with him! (Lights lamp in bow.)

      KIT. The dickens he has!

      BEN. It has even softened Penny, and I dunno as I ever knew a gal less easy to soften. You never seed him, sir?

      KIT. Never, but I know him by reputation!

      BEN. He wouldn’t let them put it in the papers about his saving the young lady’s life!

      KIT. Too modest, I suppose!

      BEN. Modest! Yes, he is very modest is the Colonel! Gets quite riled, sir, when I praised him for his gallant action.

      (On to plank — curiously) Come here, sir, for another holiday?

      KIT. That depends!

      BEN. Going to stay long, sir?

      KIT. You are inquisitive, Ben!

      BEN. Yes, sir. Heard from any of the young ladies, sir, how they have been getting on here since you left?

      KIT (sharply). No!

      BEN. Thought not, sir, they have been that busy with the Colonel!

      KIT. Eh?

      BEN. He do have dizzy fits, sir, and needs to lean on the ladies.

      KIT. He has? Phew!

      BEN. Yes, sir, that’s what I think too!

      KIT. What?

      BEN. What you expressed just now in that whistle, sir.

      (KIT goes agitatedly to door of saloon and BEN speaks to himself.)

      He’s a deep one is that there Colonel — Colonel! — but I’m not the kind to split on them as pays up. (Aloud) Good night, Mr. Upjohn!

      (Exits along bank.)

      KIT (in bow). Good night. Confound Ben! he makes me quite uncomfortable. Though this Neil has saved her life, he can’t have carried her by storm in a week — impossible! Wonder if she told them the real reason why I went away? I fancy not! Hallo! I am smoking and Bell dislikes it! Never again! (Flings cigar into water and sighs.) After all, it is an objectionable habit!

      (Produces cigar case, and flings away another cigar — SIGHS.)

      Making a chimney of one’s nose! (Lights a cigar, SARAH wakes up, shivers, and wraps trousers round her neck and sleeps.)

      It will be no deprivation to me — none at all. (Takes cigar out of his mouth and looks at it.) How did this come about? (Flings it away and sighs.) Bell will be pleased. (Takes another cigar from case.) This is the last. (Makes as if to fling it away.) It — it seems to stick to my fingers! (Sound of singing in distance — rises and goes to bow.) I hear their voices! They are coming back! Bell is coming! (Looks from cigar to place whence singing comes.) Bell — cigar — cigar — Bell. (Falters, then flings cigar into river, tries to catch it, misses, groans.) It is nothing to give up smoking for the girl one loves!

      (The singing ceases and punt draws up, all ablaze with coloured lights and the hood is on.)

      W. G. Hallo! NANNY. You’ve come back?

      BELL (faintly). Mr. Upjohn!

      (Exclamations of surprise from all.)

      KIT. A surprise visit, Mrs. Golightly. I found I could take two days, and here I am!

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. So glad to see you again!

      (W. G. gets out and goes at once to bank and begins to light up lanterns, KIT helps NANNY out, who goes into saloon.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY remains outside, NANNY lights up inside, BELL gets out and talks to KIT in well. She then goes in saloon, JASPER and ANDREW still in punt tying up. Introduction of KIT. ANDREW goes on bank.)

      KIT (drawing BELL aside). Bell dear!

      BELL.