You Want to Do What?: Instant answers to your parenting dilemmas. Karen Sullivan

www.ctc.org.uk.

      When does a child no longer require a bicycle helmet?

      In a nutshell, never. Many countries, including Canada and the US, require a cycling helmet regardless of age, which indicates its crucial importance in preventing injuries. There is no such legal requirement in the UK which is, frankly, a pity. Studies show that bicycle injuries account for ten per cent of all paediatric traumatic deaths and that helmets have been proven to decrease both deaths and injuries significantly. Although it’s obvious that a helmet reduces the risk of death and injury substantially, studies also show that parental perception of their children’s use of a bike helmet does not actually reflect its actually use. In other words, parents supply the helmet and assume it’s being used when it is not! Bicycle helmets are not particularly cool or fashionable, but if your child rides a bike, he should wear one, whatever his age. Ask him to apply stickers to make it look more interesting if necessary, but make it a household rule. It could save his life.

      Until what age can my child ride on the pavement rather than the road?

      No one, children included, is allowed to cycle on the pavement unless there is a sign to say that cycling is permitted. Similarly, no one is allowed to cycle on a footpath that is not next to the road. This is the legal situation. I can, however, think of no parent who does not advise their child to ride on the pavement, where cars cannot cause injury. If your child is inexperienced and he needs to ride his bike, you may wish to bend the law for the sake of safety. Invest in a cycling course by all means, but ensure that he is aware of the dangers of the road and protect him in whatever way you feel is necessary.

      Should I allow my child to ride her bike at night?

      The CTC (see above) offers courses in night-time cycling for kids over the age of twelve, therefore this is probably an appropriate age at which they can begin. Having said that, unless they are experienced in night-time cycling, you may wish to wait a little longer. Your child must use lights to cycle between sunset and sunrise. This is a legal requirement. They don’t have to wear fluorescent or reflective clothing, but they will significantly increase their safety if they do so. It is an offence to cycle at night without a white front light, a red back light and a red reflector at the back.

      Remember that between eleven and twelve, the age they start secondary school, is the peak risk period, and this new independence increases the risks.

Birth control

      Can my daughter be offered birth control without my consent?

      Guidance from the British Medical Association (BMA) and others state that ‘the duty of confidentiality owed to a person under sixteen is as great as that owed to any other person’. Guidance also states that ‘any competent young person, regardless of age, can independently seek medical advice and give valid consent to treatment’. Following the Gillick case in 1985 which set a legal precedent (see page), the Department of Health issued the following guidance on providing contraceptive advice and treatment to young people under the age of sixteen:

      A doctor needs to be satisfied that:

      

The young person understands his advice and has sufficient maturity to understand what is involved in terms of the moral, social and emotional implications.

      

He can neither persuade the young person to inform his or her parents, nor to allow the doctor to inform them that contraceptive advice is being sought.

      

The young person is very likely to begin or to continue having sexual intercourse with or without contraceptive treatment.

      

Without contraceptive advice or treatment, the young person’’s physical or mental health or both is likely to suffer.

      

The young person’s best interests require the doctor to give contraceptive advice or treatment or both without parental consent.

      If your child fits the bill, she can get birth control without your consent from a very early age. Some children of eleven or twelve have done so in the past in the UK. It’s worth being aware that it might happen.

      When should I speak to my child about birth control?

      Many parents feel that talking with their teens about birth control will either give the teens ideas or communicate parental permission to have sex. However, teens do have ideas about sex, and some actually have sex without either birth control information or our knowledge or permission. There’s no doubt that the subject is covered in some detail in most school curriculae. However, kids are often embarrassed and don’t listen; and what’s more, there is undoubtedly a culture of ‘it could never happen to me’. Kids need to know as early as they understand the concept that sex has consequences. Most parents do the ‘birds-and-the-bees talk’ when their children are around ten years old. There is certainly no harm in talking at that point about things like waiting to have a baby until you are in a long-term, happy relationship, or until you are married, and that there are ways to prevent babies from coming too soon. We all like to think that our children will wait to have sex, but the early use of alcohol, peer pressure and the encouragement of promiscuity through the media may put paid to our plans.

      How shall I go about it?

      

Engage your child whenever the moment seems right. Try not to force the issue or sit them down for ‘a talk’ – they’ll only feel edgy and under pressure.

      

Discuss various methods of birth control – perhaps using a book to help the discussion along.

      

Don’t hesitate to explain that you think your child is too young to even consider sex.

      

Your values should be made clear. Explain what you believe and why. This may not sway them in the short-term, but your messages will always filter through to some degree. If you don’t believe in sex before marriage, or before a certain age, or without a suitable emotion involvement, then explain why. Kids are naive and often feel pressurised by their peers; they may need some excuses of their own. Give lots.

      

Learn about contraception, including emergency contraception, and about condoms. Learn also about STDs – gonorrhoea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts and HIV – including the ways they are transmitted, symptoms, risks and treatment options. Facts never hurt.

      

Listen carefully. When you understand your teen’s values, you can ask questions that help the teen clarify how to act consistently with those values.

      

Avoid assumptions. Do not assume that your teen knows everything he or she needs to know about contraception and condoms.

      

Make sure your teen know about emergency contraception, which can be taken to prevent pregnancy up to 120 hours (5 days) after unprotected intercourse or when a contraceptive method fails.