The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People. D. M. Maynard

      9. What will be the time frame for each one of these decisions/removals?

      10. How will you refer to, state, or use the new name, pronoun, or gender when you discuss memories and/or the past with each other or other people?

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      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Web

      What artifact does your trans-identified partner want removed that you do not want taken down or put out of view?

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      GRAPHICS GALORE

      T-Chart

      What do you view as positives, negatives, or neutral about your partner changing the name and/or pronoun they were assigned at birth?

+ (Positives)	– (Negatives)	= (Neutral)

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      DESERVING DE-STRESS DELIGHTS

      Creating

      When things around me were feeling as if they were falling apart, I built or made something that gave me a sense of strength and purpose. Nothing I created was earth-shattering, but each endeavor helped remind me that I had value and importance. Since I love craft activities, I created collages of words and pictures to express how I was feeling, knitted or crocheted scarves and hats, embroidered or needlepointed images, and even painted, simply to express myself. Others have shared that they took photographs of anything that appealed to them or scrapbooked old photos as a tool to cope with their grief and as a way to record their past. Some partners physically built pieces of furniture, made a dog/bird house, or designed shelving for their home. One person planted a garden of their favorite vegetables and flowers. Find whatever it is that feels creative to you and provides an outlet that validates your worthiness. Creating is something I would encourage as a means of honoring your talents and increasing self-esteem.

      AFFIRMATIVE ANECDOTE

      Picking a pronoun,

      Choosing a name,

      Redesigning our home,

      No one is to blame!

      Journal your reaction to this Deserving De-Stress Delight.

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      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Timeline

      When and with whom will you or your partner begin using their new pronoun/name?

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      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Box

      List all of the artifacts requested to be removed from view and check off if and when each one is taken away or down. Just because an artifact is listed, it does not mean it must be removed. This is simply a place to record those artifacts in question and their location.

1	2	3
4	5	6
7	8	9
10	11	12
13	14	15
16	17	18

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      EMPATHY-EMBRACING EXERCISE

      Part of a partner’s journey may involve adjusting to using a new name or pronoun. This exercise question shows a partner that this is part of what many people have done in other instances. The greatest learning tools for grasping the change in name and pronoun are patience with yourself, willingness, time, and much practice.

      AFFIRMATIVE ANECDOTE

      Calling on

      Crystal balls,

      Fortune tellers,

      Soothsayers,

      Can our history

      Be part of our

      Future?

      Do you know anyone from your past who has asked you to call them by a different name, pronoun, or honorific, perhaps due to marriage or for other reasons? How long did it take you to adjust to this new name, pronoun, or honorific, and how did you learn to adjust to the change?

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      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Bar Graph

      To what degree does/did it feel sad or upsetting to you to remove artifacts, photographs, or to use the name/pronoun requested by your partner? Based on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest, color or shade in your response. This visual will help you see where your greatest concerns lie and can help you to communicate this to your trans-identified partner, therapist, spiritual mentor, or for your own personal understanding. The bar graph results may vary as the transition progresses and your thoughts may shift.

      Use these ideas to fill in the bar graph or feel free to create your own!

      A. The changing of trans-identified partner’s pre-transition name/pronoun assigned at birth.

      B. People misgendering your trans-identified partner.

      C. Removal of trans-identified partner’s pre-transition photos.

      D. Removal of the couple’s pre-transition photos.

      E. Removal of trans-identified partner’s pre-transition photos with family.

      F. Removal of trans-identified partner’s pre-transition photos with friends.

      G. Removal of trans-identified partner’s special events pre-transition photos.

      H. Not saying name/pronoun assigned at birth in public.

      I. Not saying name/pronoun assigned at birth during sex/intimacy.

      J. Not posting documents, awards, or licenses that contain the written name/pronoun assigned at birth anywhere.

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      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Pie