The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People. D. M. Maynard

insignificant to some and yet crucial to the health of other partners provides space for all those who love someone who is now trans-identified.

      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Splash

      Can you express all the words associated with loss or grief? By creatively splashing words and/or short phrases, quickly attempt to express your answers randomly with as many responses as possible scattered on the paper.

      COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019

      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Venn Diagram

      Does anything about the transition make you feel any sense of loss? (You may want to ask your trans-identified partner to complete this graphic organizer with you or you can simply fill it in for them, based on the knowledge you already have.)

      COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019

      REFLECTIVE RESPONSES

      1. What, if anything, makes you feel angry about the transition?

      2. If you could negotiate, bargain, or change something about the transition or its process, what would it be?

      3. Does anything about the transition make you feel sad or want to cry? If so, what and why?

      4. When you think of the transition, is there something that makes you think or wish that your partner is just confused and not really transgender?

      5. When you think of the transition, what aspects make you smile or want to celebrate?

      6. What do you think you might miss the most once your partner transitions?

      7. What do you wish could remain the same once your partner transitions?

      8. Do you sometimes think: Is there something about me that I did or can change to make you stop transitioning? Explain your thoughts or concerns about what this may be or may have been.

      9. Does knowing your partner wants to transition foster any feelings of grief or loss, or feel like a type of death?

      10. Are you scared your partner will die from the surgery, hormones, or the violence of others?

      11. Will you share with your partner if you are scared they will die from the surgery, hormones, or the violence of others?

      12. How will you discuss regretful verbalized statements you may have said to your partner during moments of extreme grief, which you may hope to be forgiven for saying?

      13. How will you discuss regretful verbalized statements your partner may have said to you during moments of extreme grief?

      14. Do you feel you will ever be able to catch up with acceptance as the transition presents many layers of the unknown, perhaps all at the same time?

      15. Do you fear or think your life together was a lie?

      16. Did you know or see the signs of your partner needing to transition, and ignore them?

      17. Do you feel your partner is transitioning to be hurtful to you?

      18. Do you feel your partner is being selfish?

      19. Do you feel your partner really cares about and/or really loves you?

      20. How do you think you will handle it if you notice that all anyone else ever seems to want to talk about is the transition?

      21. How do you think you will handle it when, or if, people are asking you inappropriate things about your partner’s body and sparing your partner those questions?

      22. Do you believe it would help if your partner could slow down the process of transitioning until you had enough time to understand it all and figure out if you are staying or leaving the relationship due to the transition?

      23. What if you cannot remain in the relationship? Does it make you a bad person?

      24. Do you believe your trans-identified partner or others would judge you in any way for leaving the relationship?

      25. Do you believe your trans-identified partner or others would judge you in any way for staying in the relationship?

      COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019

      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Web

      Select one or more of the five stages of grief and then use the subtopics to express each thought that comes to mind in relation to that stage.

      COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019

      GRAPHICS GALORE

      Timeline

      Do you feel it is important to record and try to notice if there is any pattern or whether you tend to revert to a particular stage more often than another? This is simply to assist you in being more self-aware. Fill in daily, weekly, or monthly. (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, or Acceptance.)

      COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019

      DESERVING DE-STRESS DELIGHTS

      Something Novel

      Trying something that is risky, new, or unlike you may not sound de-stressing, but in the end, it can become comforting when you are able to achieve things you thought you might not be capable of accomplishing. If you can overcome these fears or doubts, it may be enough to show you that you can approach and possibly embrace the unknowns and concerns of the transition. For me, it was presenting at conferences, beginning to write this book, and then finding a publisher.

      AFFIRMATIVE ANECDOTE

      Pain, pain,

      Go away,

      Never come back

      Another day!

      For others, it can be taking part in a physical activity, gathering information about starting your own business, applying for a new job, or filling out the application form for college. Some people may have no idea even where to begin, and to that I say: Dream big and make a wish list that stems from your heart! Write down a few desires and then select one item you feel comfortable doing first. It may be as simple as dyeing your hair different colors or making a difficult phone call. Regardless of the venture, attempt it. Perhaps the confidence and self-pride you may gain will be exactly what you need to embrace the challenges and celebrations of the transition. Learning something