Restoring Trust. Peter C. Kleponis, Ph.D., SATP-C

then leads a person back to pornography to avoid the negative effects of the dopamine hangover.

      As these behaviors are repeated, the brain is conditioned to return to them repeatedly, creating neural pathways that make it easier to go back to pornography and masturbation. Scientists call this neuroplasticity — reinforcing behaviors based on experiences.²³ Think of it this way: “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

      You may wonder if this same process occurs when a healthy husband and wife engage in sexual intercourse. It does, but it is a bit different. There are two additional chemicals released in the brain during this type of sexual encounter: oxytocin and vasopressin. These are hormones released during sex that bond a husband and wife closer together in their relationship. These chemicals, along with the healthy intimacy of the loving relationship, prevent the crash. Instead of dropping rapidly, dopamine levels decrease gradually back to a normal state. There is no dopamine hangover. The couple experiences love and contentment. There is no oxytocin or vasopressin with pornography. This is why sex with pornography (cybersex) can never satisfy. Instead, it constantly leads a person back to pornography and masturbation.²⁴

      As with any addiction, a tolerance develops. More of the substance is needed to get the same effect. Thus, “soft” porn becomes boring and no longer stimulating. Here men and women may move on to more hardcore forms of pornography, including pornography that depicts deviant and violent forms of sexuality. They also begin to spend more time viewing pornography. Instead of viewing pornography for twenty minutes once a week, many addicts end up spending several hours a day viewing it. For some, the tolerance grows to the point where just viewing pornography is no longer satisfying. Now they want to experience it live.

      At this point, some men begin to frequent strip clubs. Eventually this can lead to acting out sexually with strippers and prostitutes, which increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections.

      When women reach this point, they may begin to frequent chat rooms. Eventually this can lead to engaging in cybersex (acting out sexually with other people online), often with the use of webcams. This can be especially dangerous for women. Studies have shown women are more willing to meet the men they have met online in person.²⁵ So a woman may think she is having a romantic rendezvous at a local hotel with a great guy she met online, only to find he is nothing like he described himself. He may even be a serial murderer or rapist.

      The growing tolerance is actually caused by physical changes in the brain, which come about due to the tremendous amounts of dopamine released when viewing pornography. The brain eventually fatigues and becomes less responsive to the dopamine. Delta-FosB desensitizes neurons to dopamine, yet it overstimulates the pleasure center of the brain (nucleus accumbens), causing it to crave more. Dopamine also instills strong memories of the pleasurable response to pornography, so when sexual craving arises, the brain knows exactly what to do: go back to viewing pornography. Because of these processes, more dopamine is needed to achieve the same pleasurable feelings. Thus, more pornography is needed, as well as stronger forms of it.²⁶

      Another change in the brain that affects pornography use is hypofrontality. The frontal lobes of the brain, also known as the prefrontal cortex, are responsible for executive functioning. They allow us to think rationally and make informed decisions about what is and is not healthy for us. Studies have shown that those who are addicted to sex exhibit a decrease (shrinkage) in the size of the frontal lobes. With the frontal lobes compromised, when the temptation to view pornography emerges, the addicted person may not have the willpower to resist it. The craving for dopamine and sexual release may then be too strong for the person to resist, and he or she will succumb to viewing pornography and masturbating.

      In addition to tolerance, a dependence also develops. The brain becomes so accustomed to operating at such an abnormally high level of chemical stimulation that it must maintain that level just to function. At this point dopamine and iFos-B draw men and women back to pornography over and over again. In addition to the dopamine crash, some people may even experience withdrawal symptoms such as depression, anxiety, irritability, and insomnia if they don’t get a regular “fix.” Now the person is physically addicted to the effects of pornography.

      This is the disease of addiction. As you can see, pornography use can actually “hijack” the brain, leaving a person unable to resist the temptation to use pornography. This is common with other addictive substances as well, such as alcohol, drugs, and gambling. Fortunately, those in successful recovery can experience a full restoration of the frontal lobes to their normal size, and their willpower can increase. While it can take up to eighteen months for dopamine receptors to heal, an addicted person can return to normal, healthy brain functioning.²⁷

       The Emotional Addiction

      Beyond the physical addiction to pornography, many men and women become emotionally addicted to it. Most men are introduced to pornography during their childhood or early adolescent years, and the current average age of exposure to hardcore internet pornography is eight.²⁸ Most women are introduced to pornography by accident or search for it out of curiosity. For both men and women, the physical effects of porn can be experienced immediately. Over time, however, many also discover that pornography can be used to escape negative emotions. Those who use porn this way often struggle with many deep emotional wounds. It’s as if a little voice deep down inside says, “Hey, porn is an excellent escape! It makes us forget all our troubles. Let’s go back to it!” Because the effects of pornography are temporary, those who use it to self-medicate will need to return to it over and over again to keep their emotional pain at bay. Their repeated use of pornography leads them to become emotionally dependent on it.

      Most men and women are unaware that they use pornography to cope with deep emotional pain. Many have carried their wounds for so long they don’t even recognize them anymore. All they know is that they enjoy viewing pornography regularly. This attitude is reinforced by our society, which has normalized porn. Yet by using pornography to self-medicate their wounds, many people have become emotionally addicted to it, and they don’t realize it.

      Typical wounds men and women use pornography to self-medicate include:

      1. Early exposure to pornography

      2. Excessive exposure to pornography

      3. Narcissism/selfishness

      4. Family-of-origin wounds

      a) Abuse (physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual)

      b) Death of close loved one(s)

      c) Divorce of parents

      d) Rejection/abandonment/neglect

      e) Excessive time in daycare

      f) Family history of addiction

      g) Family history of mental illness

      h) Authority rape

      5. Shame

      6. Peer rejection

      a) In childhood

      b) In adolescence

      7. Sexual abuse/rape

      8. Loneliness

      9. Insecurity

      10. Poor body image

      11. Anger

      12. Grief

      13. Sadness

      14. Perfectionism

      15. Mistrust of the opposite sex

      16. Excessive pressures in life

      a) Work

      b) Family

      c) Financial