Would You Rather...? The Big Book. Justin Heimberg

      have ear speakers that broadcast whatever music you imagine in your head

       OR

      have the ability to make anyone speak in a Jamaican accent?

       Would you rather…

      have the ability to control the movements of ants

       OR

      be able to communicate with birds to direct them exactly where to poop?

       Would you rather…

      have a pony tail lasso

       OR

      have elastic testicles which you use like a mace to fight crime?

       Would you rather…

      have anything you touch turn to gold OR to Silly Putty?

      silver OR Nerf?

      cheese OR become helium-filled?

      Things to consider: touching furniture, pets, family, friends, enemies

       THE POO-POO/PEE-PEE PAGE

       Would you rather…

      poop fragrant potpourri bundles

       OR

      be able to beam your pee from your bladder to the toilet?

      Things to consider: never having to hold it, leaving bathrooms smelling great

       Would you rather…

      have your poop come out in a perfectly-stacked pyramid of spheres (like cannon balls)

       OR

      be able to poop complex domino set ups?

       Would you rather…

      be able to talk to any animal

       OR

      be able to change into any animal?

       Would you rather…

      have the ability to see the future, but only one second ahead

       OR

      have the ability to fly, but only in the inside of airplanes?

       Would you rather…

      produce fudge in your belly button

       OR

      be able to fart the tune of any song?

       Would you rather…

      have the ability to temporarily swap your parents with your friends’ parents

       OR

      have the ability to temporarily swap facial features with your friends?

       Would you rather…

      be able to stop and rewind your life

       OR

      have a cheat code that allows you to jump ahead and skip parts of your life?

       Would you rather…

      be able to scan documents into your computer with your tongue

       OR

      be able to weed-whack your lawn with your foot?

       Would you rather…

      have eyes that can change color to match your outfit

       OR

      tan in the pattern of desert camouflage?

       Would you rather…

      have Lego boogers

       OR

      Lincoln-Log poops?

       Would you rather…

      have thunder and lightning crack every time you arch your eyebrow

       OR

      have the ability to magically control anyone’s hair?

       Would you rather…

      urinate rainbow colors

       OR

      fart the works or Rachmaninoff?

       Would you rather…

      be told the answer to the 439th most interesting question in the universe by God

       OR

      get $50,000?

       Would you rather…

      have one solid gold toe

       OR

      diamond nipples?

       Would you rather…

      have an iPhone app that gives you the exact location of any missing pet

       OR

      the location of nearby people named Millard?

       Would you rather…

      have an entire department of the CIA devoted to providing you up-to-the-minute information on all of your exes

       OR

      your boss?

       Would you rather…

      be able to toast bread with your armpits

       OR

      blend food into smoothies by sticking your pinkie into a glass?

       Would you rather…

      have the ability to mentally control ferrets OR parrots?

      bees OR sheep?

      dice OR toupees?

       Would you rather…

      have foldable Swiss army knife devices for fingernails

       OR

      have nunchucks for hair?

       Would you rather…

      be the best hopscotcher in the world

       OR

      the best air guitarist?

      Dragon Age: Origins players only:

       Would you rather…

      have the pure power of Shale the golem

       OR

      a rune of +15 damage to Darkspawn?

      

       SEX CHANGE