Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton

      only

      bring

      Woe,

      woe,

      woe!

      Whisper,

      whisper

      so,

      The frozen

      ground

      below

      The

      Gypsy

      King

      In the

      fairy

      ring

      Woe,

      woe,

      woe!

      43

      ‘What do you mean by this sinister

      and quite catchy rhyme?’ pleaded Princess Snowflake – but the snow would say no more.

      For a moment the world stood still.

      And then, suddenly, the Gypsy King

      jumped out from behind a tree. He was strong, with rippling muscles, and he wore hundreds of gold rings on his fingers, and he had proud boots. And in his huge cruel hands he held Princess Snowflake’s darling companion, Gooseberry.

      ‘I’ve done it again,’ laughed the Gypsy

      King. ‘All the legends about me were true, I live in the gardens and I snatch up spaniels and do what I like.’

      ‘I hate you,’ said Princess Snowflake,

      throwing herself to the ground and weeping hot, bitter tears that melted the snow all around her. ‘What do you want with Gooseberry? He is

      44

      only a spaniel and part-time furniture salesman!

      But he means more to me than all my riches

      put together! Please, please! I will give you all

      the land of the town – from the Lamonic River

      to Boaster’s Hill! From the Stone Table to the

      Forest of Runtus! From the meanest hovel to

      the Winter Palace itself – it will all be yours,

      if you will only return Gooseberry to me, you

      unbearable devil!’

      But the Gypsy King merely laughed and

      put Gooseberry’s face to his lips. Then he kissed

      Gooseberry’s little face, once, twice, three times!

      And all at once Gooseberry was gone. But around

      the Gypsy King’s neck hung a chain that hadn’t

      been there a moment before. From the chain

      dangled a single glass bead, and inside the glass

      bead, tiny as a fingernail, was poor Gooseberry.

      ‘That was a bit uncalled-for,’ said Princess

      45

      Snowflake indignantly.

      But the Gypsy

      King merely threw

      back his head

      and laughed

      once more.

      ‘HA HAHAAHA AHA AHA HAAH

      AHAHAHA HAHA AH AH AHHAHAHAH

      AH AHAHAH AHA HA HA HA HA

      HAHAHA HHA AH AHA HA AH AHA

      HAHA HA AH AH AHAH HA HA AH

      AHHA AH AHHA HA HA AH AHAHAHAH

      AHAHAHAHA AH AHAH AHA HAAHAHA

      AHHAHAAH AHAHA AH AHA HA HAAH

      HAHAHA AH AHA AHA HAHA HA HA

      HAHA AHA HAHA AH HA HA HA HAH

      AH AHA HA HAH AHAHA HAAH A AHA

      AHA HA HAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA

      HAH AHH AH AHAHA HAH AHAHA HAH

      AHAHAH AHA HA HAHAHAH AHHA

      HA AHHA HAHAH AHAH HAHAH AH

      AHH AHAH AH AHA HAH HAHAH AHA

      HAHAH HA HAH AH AH AHAH AA HAH

      AH A AHA HA AHA HA HAHAHA HA

      47

      HAHAH A HAH HAHAHA HA HAH AHA

      HA HA HAH AH AH AHAH AH AH HAH

      AH HAHAH AHHAHAHA HAHHAHAHAH

      AH HAHAHAHAHA AH AHA HAH A

      AHAHAH A HAH AHHAHA AHA HHA

      AHAH AHA HAHAAH AH AHAHA HA

      AHAH AHHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHA

      HAH AH AHAAH AHA HAHAHA AH

      HAH HAHA HAHAHHA AHAHA HAH

      AHHAHA HAHAHA HA HAH AHAHAH

      AHA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AH AH A

      HA HAAHAHAHAHAHAH HAAHA H AH

      AH HA HA H AHH AH AH HAHA H AHH

      AHHAHA H AH HAHAHHA HA H AH HA

      HAHAHHA HAH AH HA HAHAHAH HA HA

      H HA HA HA H HA HA A HAA AHA HA AH

      AH AHAHA AHH AH A AH AH AH HA HA

      HA HA HA HA HA HA AHAHAH AHA HA

      48

      HA HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

      AHHAHAHAHHAHAH AH HAH AH

      AHAHHAHAHAHAHAH AH HA HAHA HA

      AHA A HAHA AH AHAHAHAHAH A AHA

      AHAHA AHAHA AHAHA AHA A HAHA

      HA HAHAHAHA HA AHA HAHA AHA HA

      AHAHAH AHA HAHA HA AHA A HA AHAH

      AHA AH AHAHHA HA HA HA HA HA HA

      HAHAH HAA HAHA AHA H A A AHAHAH

      AHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HA

      AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHA HA

      AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA HA AHA

      AH AHA H HA HAHAHA HA HA HAHAH

      HA HA HAHA HA AHAHAHAHAHA HA

      AHA AHA H HAAAHAAHAHAH H AH

      AHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHA AHAH

      AHA AH H H H H HA AHA HA AHA HA

      AHAHA HA HA HAHAHA HA AHA HA HA,’

      49

      laughed the Gypsy King.

      Actually the Gypsy King laughed quite a lot

      more than that, I only wrote a tiny bit of it. All

      told, he stood there laughing for over six hours,

      and Princess Snowflake could do nothing but

      look on helplessly, because she kept thinking,

      Surely it’s got to end soon, no one can laugh for

      this long, I’ll say something to him in a minute.

      When he’s stopped laughing.

      But it just went on

      and on.

      Eventually, just as Princess Snowflake had

      made up her mind that enough was enough

      and