Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton

MIN,’ say Natboff to himsel.

       ‘STIL GUD TO BE OUT OF WOLF AGEN.’

      Natboff go up to Wolf.

      ‘NAUGTY WOLF!’ shou Natboff. ‘YOU

       SAY YOU NATBOFF FREND! BUT YOU

      7

      EAT NATBOFF!’

      ‘SORY,’ say Wolf. ‘ME FORGET.’

      ‘OK,’ say Natboff. ‘BUT YOU NATBOFF

      FREND NOW?’

      ‘DEFINETT,’ say Wolf. ‘WOLF AN

      NATBOFF FREND. WOLF AN NATBOFF

      DO DISCO TO SELEBRAT.’

      So Wolf an Natboff do disco in cav. It fun,

      but it stil not solv probbem.

      ‘IT FUN, BUT IT STIL NOT SOLV

      PROBBEM,’ say Natboff. ‘SALLY STIL WIV

      CHUNKA. WAT NATBOFF DO NOW?’

      ‘GO ON INTERNET,’ say Wolf, ‘MEBBE

      THAT HELP.’

      So Natboff go on internet but it cavma

      days, long long go, an bak then internet jus big

      rok wiv ‘Google’ carve on. No help at al!

      ‘INTERNET RUBISH!’ say Natboff.

      8

      ‘NATBOFF HATE INTERNET!’

      Wolf eat internet.

      ‘NOW WAT NATBOFF DO?’ say

       Natboff.

      ‘WOLF GET HELP FROM FRENDS,’ say

       Wolf.

      ‘WOLF GOT MITY FRENDS?’ say

       Natboff.

      ‘MITIEST EVEH!’ say Wolf prowdly.

      ‘WOLF GO AN GET MITY FRENDS. THEN

       CHUNKA GOT NO CHANSE!’

      Wolf run out of cav.

       Natboff wait.

       Natboff wait a bit mor.

       Natboff wait ages.

       Natboff wait Stone Ages.

       Natboff discoveh fire.

       Natboff happy!

      9

      Natboff set har on fire!

      Natboff not so happy.

      ‘WOLF TAKIG FOREVEH,’ say Natboff.

      Natboff starvig.

      Natboff eat own burnned har.

      ‘BURNNED HAR DISGUSSIG,’ say

      Natboff.

      Natboff spit har out everwher.

      Natboff try eatig cav.

      No gud.

      Evencherlee Wolf come bak wiv frends.

      ‘LOOK AT MITY FRENDS,’ Wolf say

      prowdly.

      ‘MITY ANT!

      ‘MITY SPIDA!

      ‘MITY LEEF!’

      ‘FRENDS NOT LOOK SO MITY,’

      say Natboff. ‘NATBOFF THURT WOLF’S

      10

      FRENDS BE MITY BEAR! MITY MAMMOF!

      MITY SABE-TOOTH TIGGER!’

      ‘SORY,’ say Wolf. ‘WOLF NOT KNO

      THOSE GUYS. WOLF ONLY KNO MITY

      ANT! MITY SPIDA! MITY LEEF!’

      ‘ME CAN DO THIRTY PRES-UPS,’ say

      Mity Leef.

      ‘OK,’ say Natboff. ‘IT HAV TO DO. WAT

      THE PLAN?’

      ‘CHUNKA LIV IN FORESS WIV SALLY

      NOW,’ say Mity Spida. ‘SO WE GOT TO

      GO TO FORESS. THEN WE SNEEK UP ON

      CHUNKA.’

      ‘IS GUD START TO PLAN,’ say Natboff.

      ‘BUT WAT NEX?’

      ‘MITY ANT JUMP ON CHUNKA

      LEGG AN LICK HIM,’ say Mity Spida.

      ‘THEN MITY SPIDA (THAT ME) TIKLE

      11

      CHUNKA FOOT. THEN WOLF BITE OFF

       CHUNKA FACE. NATBOFF GET SALLY

       BACK, EESY PEESY LEMMO SQUEE!’

      ‘MITY SPIDA GUD AT PLAN!’ say

       Natboff. ‘MABBE THIS WURK AFTEH AL.

       BUT WAT ABOU MITY LEEF? EVERWUN

       ELSE DO STUF IN PLAN BUT MITY LEEF

       DO NUTHIN.’

      ‘ME DO PRES-UPS TO DISTRAC

       CHUNKA,’ say Mity Leef, flexig mussels.

      ‘IT GUDDEST PLAN OF AL TIMM!’ say Wolf. ‘LET DO DISCO TO SELEBRAT.’

      Natboff, Wolf, Mity Ant, Mity Spida an Mity Leef do disco.

      Gess hoo besst at disco dancc? Mity Ant.

      Mity Ant win disco prize!

      ‘DISCO FUN,’ say Natboff. ‘BUT NOW

       IT TIMM FOR PUT PLAN INTO ACSHUN.

      12

      WICH WAY FORESS?’

      Mity Leef step forwar.

      ‘ME WAS BORN IN FORESS,’ say Mity Leef, ‘SO ME KNO EXAC WHER IT IS. FOLLO LEEF!’

      ‘NATBOFF HAD DOUTS ABOU MITY LEEF TO BEGIN WIV,’ say Natboff, ‘BUT NOW HE GROWIG ON ME.’

      ‘HA HA,’ say Mity Ant. ‘NATBOFF MAKK BIG FUNNEH!’

      ‘DISCO TO SELEBRAT?’ say Wolf hopfully.

      ‘MABBE LATEH,’ say Natboff.

      AL WOLF WANT TO DO IS DISCO, thinnk Natboff. ME GETTIG PRETY SICK

      OF WOLF. BUT ME NOT TELL WOLF OUT

      LOUD BECOS WOLF NATBOFF FREND,

      AN ME NOT WANT TO HURT WOLF

      13

      FEELIG.

      (Natboff mite be cavma but Natboff a

      sensitif sort of fello.)

      Anyweh. Afteh al this, Natboff an gang

      set off wiv Mity Leef leedig way. Evencherlee

      com to foress.

      Gess hoo in middel of foress tryig to

      makk baby cavmas? It Chunka an Sally, jus as

      Natboff susspecced!

      ‘YOU GUYS HIDDE IN BUSH,’

      say Natboff to anima an plannt chums.

      ‘NATBOFF GONNA DO IT CRAFTY

      STILE!’

      Natboff step forwar crafty stile to wher

      Chunka an Sally busy tryig to makk baby

      cavmas.

      ‘HEY CHUNKA, HEY SALLY,’ say

      Natboff.

      14