The Innovative Parent. Erica Curtis

not uncommon for them to feel ambivalent or even negative about it. They may approach art with skepticism or discomfort. They decided long ago that they’re not artistic. They haven’t made art since childhood. They had a negative experience with it in school and didn’t learn how to enjoy it. It’s unfamiliar territory for them.

      At home, plenty of parents encourage their kids to color independently, but if it becomes more involved or requires parent participation, they divert the activity to something else. It’s not necessarily because they don’t want to help their children or spend time with them. It’s because they don’t feel comfortable in the realm of the creative arts, they find other activities “easier” or less messy, they don’t see the point, or they simply don’t enjoy arts activities.

      The most highly regarded theory of typical artistic development in children, created by academic Viktor Lowenfeld in the late 1940s but still widely referenced today, identifies the last stage of development as ages thirteen to sixteen. He called this stage the “Period of Decision/Crisis.” In this stage, teens decide whether art is worth pursuing. They decide (or are often told) whether they are good at it or not. At this stage, many people stop making art. How, then, can the not-so-artsy folks among us begin to access the arts to enrich our children and further our parenting goals?

      Using the creative arts to further your parenting goals isn’t about becoming a skilled artist or devoted scrapbooker. It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not. It doesn’t matter if you sing off-key or can’t draw a straight line. It really doesn’t even matter if you like it. After all, there are plenty of parts of parenting that we don’t like but do anyway because it works or it’s good for our kids. I don’t particularly like to read the same book over and over again to my preschooler, but I do it because I know that 1) she enjoys it, 2) research supports that repetition helps with mastery of language and vocabulary (Horst, Parsons, and Bryan 2011), and 3) repetition is comforting to a child. So I do it and find enjoyment, instead, in watching her delight in her favorite book of the moment (even for the hundredth time).

      If you are a not-so-artsy parent, congratulate yourself for picking up this book (and turn to chapter 2: “Why We Love to Hate Glitter Glue (and Other Struggles with Art)”). This is an opportunity for you to challenge preconceived ideas that you may have about art making and to stretch yourself as a parent. Kids challenge us daily, and approaching those challenges with creativity will help us become more skillful and versatile as parents—and people.

       2

       Why We Love to Hate Glitter Glue (and Other Struggles with Art)

      As a child, my wooden blocks become buildings and cars, with windows and wheels meticulously drawn using crayons and markers. Under my bed, I am Michelangelo drawing on the bed frame—my personal Sistine Chapel. In the dark corner of my closet, I am making ritual cave drawings on the walls. My little creative juices are flowing, and I am thrilled about my ideas. My parents are not. “No,” they say. “No. No. No.” My face falls. I feel my creative voice being stifled. Into adulthood, I secretly question their wisdom in those moments . . . until I become a parent myself. “We draw on paper, not on furniture. No, not on your toys either. Not walls. Paper. No. No. No.” As I hear my words, my own childhood experience returns to me. I feel conflicted. Where do freedom of expression and limits intersect?

      It’s messy. It creates frustrations. It will likely get on clothes. It could ruin the furniture, the floors, the walls. Frankly, there are easier things to do with your kids than art. Blocks, trains, and video games don’t require hosing your kids down afterward. They won’t drive your child to tears because something got spilt or doesn’t look right. Other activities don’t make us hold our breath as we anticipate a rogue scribble spree on the walls or an entire bottle of glitter glue squeezed directly onto the table. There are a lot of good reasons we love to hate art. Art materials can challenge both kids and parents. And yet, these very situations that test us can provide some of the most powerful opportunities for personal growth.

      Art gets messy, and so does life. What better place than the untidy world of art to practice ways of dealing with the messiness of life. Art offers the important opportunity to explore boundaries between personal freedom and the needs of others; between self-expression and self-containment. It allows us to consider where we can loosen up as parents, distinguishing between necessary limits and unnecessary preoccupations. In this chapter, we will not only explore these themes but also offer practical strategies for setting limits, containing messes, and rethinking our struggles with the unpleasant parts of art making as a metaphor for parenting in general.

WHERE LIMITS MEET FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION

      “Can I pour my orange juice into my oatmeal?” My son asks. “No,” is my husband’s immediate response. (He feels strongly about kids not playing with food.) I get it. Nevertheless, I check in to see if he is okay with me stepping in. He gives me the green light.

      “What’s your plan?” I ask my son. “Are you done eating? Are you curious about how it would taste? Do you want to experiment to see what happens?”

      “I want to make a new recipe,” my son replies.

      “Sure,” I say. “Let’s get a separate bowl and put a little oatmeal in it and add a little orange juice. If you like it, you can mix it all together. If you don’t, then you won’t have ruined your breakfast.” He gets a separate bowl and tests out his innovative recipe. He likes it, mixes up the rest of his breakfast, and licks the bowl clean.

      Kids need a balance between freedom of expression and containment. With too many demands and restrictions (authoritarian parenting) or too much freedom and indulgence (permissive parenting), kids will tend to display more behavioral, social, and emotional difficulties. Research on parenting styles from the 1960s until now has consistently revealed that children raised with a balance of high expectations and responsiveness to their needs, as well as a balance between clear limits and flexibility, do better socially, emotionally, and academically (Baumrind 1966; Suldo and Huebner 2004). This is called authoritative parenting, and the creative arts offer a rich arena for parents and professionals to rehearse and fine-tune this balancing act.

       Expression and experimentation

      Many of us have a knee-jerk “No” reaction to creative expression and exploration either because we were taught in the past that it was not okay or because we determine in the present that this is going to be a hassle. When we think consciously about it, we can begin to clarify why it’s not okay. We may even be surprised that we are okay with the activity after all and come to see these moments of spontaneous creativity as something upon which we can capitalize. Here’s how:

      Pause first. Instead of “Yes” or “No,” try saying: “I’m not sure. Tell me what you’re doing here.” Or, as in the example above: “What’s your plan?” Asking thought-provoking questions like these will help you and your child pause to consider the situation, without cutting off the creative potential that’s brewing. Inquiring about your child’s plan prompts the executive functioning part of his brain (responsible for planning, organizing, problem solving, and thinking before taking action) to come online and consider: “What am I actually doing here?” In the above example, it allowed my son to consider his intention and develop a deliberate, creative idea. Learning more about your child’s intention also allows you, the adult, to help shape the direction of the activity as needed (e.g., “Let’s get a separate bowl and mix just a little bit together first.”).

      2.1 Three steps for deciding to give the go-ahead

      Next, ask yourself the following three, simple questions (see fig. 2.1):

      1. Is it safe?

      2. Is it respectful of the