Why Beulah Shot Her Pistol Inside the Baptist Church. Clayton Sullivan

I’m gonna be honest with you. When I looked at that motel my heart sank. It sank into the ground. It wasn’t near about as nice as the Holiday Inn or the Broadwater Beach. I could tell the rooms was real little and was crowded next to one another like pigs in a pig’s sty. But I didn’t say nothing. I was gonna let Ralph handle us gettin’ a place to spend our honeymoon night.

      Ralph drove in and stopped in front of the Twinkling Star Motel office. The motel office was real little too and had an open window you could see into. There was a man sittin’ in the office and as soon as we stopped he yelled out the window, “Do you folks need a room for tonight?” I could tell the motel man had on a brown denim shirt and was wearing a straw hat. His straw hat was the kind you buy at a hardware store to wear when you’re working out in the yard or in a garden. Since he was sittin’ inside the motel office I couldn’t help but wonder why he was wearing a straw hat. That didn’t make sense to me.

      Ralph yelled back, “Yeah, I need a room. How much do you charge?”

      The man in the straw hat yelled back, “Thirty dollars a night. That’s the best deal on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. You can’t beat it.”

      Ralph answered, “How about comin’ down to twenty-five dollars?”

      The man in the straw hat came back at Ralph. He said, “You must be a Jew.”

      Ralph said, “I ain’t no Jew. I’m a Baptist.”

      The man in the straw hat said, “I didn’t think you looked like a Jew, but you’re sure acting like one. I’ll come down to twenty-five dollars. But I ain’t goin’ no lower than that. I gotta make a profit. You can have room eight up there on the right side. Here’s the key.”

      With that he put a key on the shelf in front of the open window. Ralph got out of the car and picked up the key. He said, “You say room eight on the right side?”

      The man behind the window said, “That’s right. Room eight. Believe you me I’m losin’ my pants on this deal. I still say you’re a Jew.”

      Ralph laughed and said, “Nope, I’m a Baptist.”

      Ralph got back in the car and we drove a few feet and parked in front of room eight. Ralph and me got out of the car and got our two suitcases. Ralph unlocked the door to room eight and we walked inside. The room smelled musty. It smelled like it had been closed up for a year. It had a window air conditioner.

      Ralph said, “Let me turn on the air conditioner. It’s hot in here.”

      Which he done. I looked around at the furniture in the room. To be frank with you, it wasn’t very nice. There was a bed, a table, a chair, and a twelve-inch television set. The bed and the table and the chair looked to me like they’d been on Noah’s Ark. The floor was covered with linoleum. But what can you expect for twenty-five dollars? I wished we’d stayed at the Holiday Inn or at the Broadwater Beach. One thing I learned in a hurry about Ralph. He was tight with a dollar. I bet I heard him say a thousand times “a penny saved is a penny earned.”

      No sooner had each one of us used the bathroom than Ralph said, “I’m hungry. All I had for dinner was them wedding refreshments and they ain’t holding me. Let’s go get something to eat.”

      That was fine with me. So we got in the car and got back on Highway 90. We hadn’t drove very far before Ralph spotted a Western Sizzlin Steak House.

      He said, “There’s a Western Sizzlin. They have got one of them in Laurel. Let’s stop and eat there.”

      We parked and went inside the steak house. Ralph said, “Since this is our honeymoon let’s order the T-bone special.”

      Which is what we done. We ordered two T-bone specials with a baked potato. Ralph let me know in no uncertain terms that he was a fan of Western Sizzlin Steak Houses. He said, “I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve eaten at the Western Sizzlin in Laurel. They really know how to cook a steak.”

      He went on to explain he ate a lot of barbecued chicken and ribs at his cafe. But sometimes he got tired of barbecue and needed a grilled steak. Which is when he’d go to the Western Sizzlin. He added, “Course now that I’m married I hope I can have a lot of vegetable suppers at the house. There ain’t nothing better for you than good cooked vegetables. By the way, Beulah, do you know how to cook vegetables?”

      I said, “Oh yes I do. Mama had me working in the kitchen before I was ten.”

      He said, “That’s good. I’m glad to know that.”

      After we’d finished them T-bone steaks we headed back west to the Twinkling Star Motel. On the way back we stopped at a Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream store and bought a cone of ice-cream. Mine was strawberry. As far as I’m concerned there ain’t no better flavor of ice cream than strawberry.

      As we pulled into the Twinkling Star Motel Ralph blew his horn and waved at the old fellow in the office who’d asked him if he was a Jew. It was getting late but he was still wearing his straw hat.

      We parked in front of room eight. Ralph looked at me and said, “You said a little while ago you wanted to walk on the beach some. Why don’t we do that before it gets too late.”

      I said, “I’d love to.” Which is what we done. I’d never walked on a beach before. The fact is I’d never seen a beach before. You won’t believe how much sand there is on the Biloxi beach. All of that sand and all of that wavy water with the tide comin’ in just blew my mind.

      As we walked down the beach me and Ralph held hands. I could tell he was gettin’ lovey. Which is what you’re supposed to do on your honeymoon. We hadn’t walked too far before Ralph said, “I think I’ll smoke a cigar.”

      Him saying that caught me by surprise. I know this sounds silly, but for some reason or other I hadn’t caught on that Ralph smoked. Which is why I said, “I didn’t know you smoked.”

      He said, “Yep, I do. At least once a day I smoke a cigar. I never smoke more than one. Smoking ain’t good for you, but it helps me to relax.”

      He reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out a cigar. He then put it in his mouth and lit it and started puffing away. The way cigar smoke started comin’ out of Ralph’s mouth you’d of thought he was a steam engine puffing up a mountain.

      Ralph said, “This cigar is a Swisher Sweet. Them’s the only kind of cigars I smoke. I like the way they smell. And I like the way they taste.”

      I asked, “What kind of cigar did you say that was?”

      He said, “It’s a Swisher Sweet. It’s a small cigar put out by the King Edward cigar folks.”

      That was the first Swisher Sweet I saw Ralph smoke. But it sure wasn’t the last. Every day we was married he smoked a Swisher Sweet.

      After a while we left the beach and walked back to our room at the Twinkling Star Motel. I began to feel real funny. And unsure of myself. I knew the time had come for me to go to bed with Ralph and I didn’t know what to expect. I was a virgin. I’d never dated. I’d never been around men except men like Daddy and Uncle Sam. I knew Ralph would want sex. The thing I was wondering was: did I want it? What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to act? I didn’t know the answer to them questions.

      Ralph asked me, “Have you got a nightgown?”

      I said, “Nope, but I’ve got some pajamas.”

      He said, “Why don’t you go to the bathroom and put ’em on.”

      Which is what I done. I took off my “going away” dress and put on my pajamas. I looked in the bathroom mirror and took my comb and combed my hair. I was doing my best to make myself look pretty. When you’re a primitive Baptist and can’t use makeup you don’t have too much to work with when it comes to tryin’ to look pretty. I excused myself on the john and then opened the door to our motel room. The moment I opened the door I seen that Ralph had put on his pajamas. They was fire-engine red. My pajamas was light green.

      Ralph