Why Beulah Shot Her Pistol Inside the Baptist Church. Clayton Sullivan

eat breakfast.”

      We got dressed. I put on the blue blouse and blue slacks Velma had bought for me at McRae’s Department Store in Hattiesburg. I think I looked real snazzy in ’em. Of course if you’re a primitive Baptist like I was you’d better not look too snazzy. Brother Ledbetter wouldn’t like that and when he don’t like something he’ll let you know about it.

      We left the Twinkling Star Motel and drove to the pancake house. When we walked inside the International House of Pancakes it took my breath away. It was too pretty for words. It had a real tall ceiling shaped like an A that went up and up and up. The booths was padded and was covered with what looked to me like blue leather. I thought to myself, “Ain’t this nice. These pretty blue booths match my new blouse and slacks that Velma give me.” The waitresses had on pink uniforms and little white aprons. I felt like I was in Switzerland or in some far away country like that.

      Me and Ralph ordered buckwheat pancakes and Virginia ham and coffee which the waitress brought to the table in this cute little coffee pot. While we was eating them buckwheat pancakes Ralph asked me, “Have you ever seen a battleship?”

      I said, “Goodness gracious heavens no.”

      Ralph went on, “We ain’t too far from Mobile. Over there at Mobile they’ve got the U.S.S. Alabama docked on the Mobile bay. When I was in the navy I was stationed at one time on a battleship. Let’s drive over to Mobile and go through the U.S.S. Alabama.”

      I said, “That sounds great to me.”

      The waitress who waited on us was named Frances. She was just as nice and sweet as she could be. She come back to the table three or four times to ask if there was anything we needed. She filled up our coffee pot twice. I thought to myself, “You can’t be nicer to a customer than Frances has been.” I was kinda hacked on the inside when Ralph said right before we got up to leave, “I ought to tip that old gal. But I ain’t gonna do it. This is the one and only time I’ll ever be in this cafe and I don’t tip a waitress if I know I’ll never see her again.” That was exactly what Ralph said and I didn’t think it was very nice. But I didn’t say anything because after all we was on our honeymoon and you don’t want to say anything that might rub your husband the wrong way while you’re on your honeymoon. So Ralph paid the cashier what we owed and then we left.

      Ralph and me got back in his car and headed east for Mobile. Ralph’s car was a Buick. Its color was maroon. Maroon was Ralph’s favorite color. Every tie he owned was maroon. So was a sweater he wore in the wintertime.

      We kept goin’ on Highway 90 until we come to Pascagoula. When we got to Pascagoula Ralph said, “Here at Pascagoula is one of the biggest shipyards in the world. Asshole yankees don’t think southerners from Mississippi and Alabama have sense enough to build ships. But I’m tellin’ you right here in Pascagoula, Mississippi. they build some of the best and biggest ships you’ll see anywhere.”

      We kept on goin’ east. We came to the Alabama state line. Beside the highway was a pretty sign which read “Welcome to Alabama.” The sign even told who the governor of Alabama was. I forget his name. When I read that sign I felt real funny on the inside. I really did. Now I was goin’ into Alabama. I never dreamed I’d be so far away from New Jerusalem and Jones County and Laurel. But here I was! Leaving Mississippi and goin’ into the state of Alabama. That was one of the reasons I decided to go ahead and marry Ralph. I figured I’d see more of the world married to him than I’d see if I kept on living with my daddy who said motels was whorehouses.

      We finally got to Mobile. There was tall buidings and traffic everywhere. Out of the clear blue Ralph asked me, “Have you ever drove through a tunnel before?’

      I said, “Never have.”

      He said, “Well, you’re gonna drive through one now.”

      And sure enough straight ahead was a big sign reading “Bay of Mobile Tunnel.” And there was yellow flashing lights tellin’ us to slow down. Which Ralph done.

      Around a curve and into the tunnel we went. Ralph said, “This here tunnel goes under a part of the Mobile bay.”

      If I told you how long that tunnel was you wouldn’t believe me. That tunnel went on and on and on. It was lighted with I bet ten thousand lights. I couldn’t believe that we was driving under water. But Ralph said that was exactly what we was doin’.

      We come out of the tunnel and about as far as you can throw a rock was the Mobile bay. Oh my it was pretty. And floating right there on the bay was the U.S.S. Alabama.

      I can’t tell you how big the U.S.S. Alabama is. I didn’t know a ship could be that big. Me and Ralph went all over it. We went from top to bottom. Ralph showed me the deck and the guns and the place where the sailors slept. We went down to the engine room and looked at the big engines. We spent the most time in the kitchen and the place where the sailors ate. Ralph explained to me that he worked in ship kitchens the entire time he was in the navy and that was where he learned the food business. Going all over the battleship was a lot of work. I had to climb ladders and walk up narrow steps and squeeze through small doors. I sure was glad I had on slacks and not a dress.

      After we’d gotten done with goin’ through the battleship Ralph and me drove back to Biloxi. The sun was in our eyes. Ralph said, “The bad thing about driving west late in the afternoon is fighting the sun all the way.” On the way back we stopped at the McDonald’s in Ocean Springs and ate a Big Mac along with some fries and a Coca-Cola.

      We finally got back to Biloxi and the Twinkling Star Motel. The motel had thirty rooms. I know because I counted ’em. Fifteen was on one side and fifteen was on the other side. Like I’ve said, they was all painted sunflower yellow. Before each door was a yellow clay flower pot. An azalea bush was growing in each one of the pots. They looked sickly. I thought they needed watering and fertilizer. I was wishing again we’d spent our honeymoon night in a motel like the Broadwater Beach.

      Ralph parked in front of room eight. There wasn’t but two other cars parked at the motel. Ralph looked around and said, “Their business is slow today. It’s slower than molasses on a cold day in January. Counting our car and them two cars over there they don’t have but three rooms rented. You can’t make any money renting three rooms out of thirty.”

      We got our suitcases out of the room and put ’em in the trunk of the car. Ralph said, “I’ve got to stop at the office and pay my bill.” We got in the car and drove to the office at the front of the motel. I could see the old-timer we’d rented the room from the day before. He still had on a brown denim shirt and he was still wearing his straw hat. I could tell he had this rotating fan blowing straight on him.

      Ralph got out of the car, took twenty-five dollars out of his wallet, and put it on the shelf in front of the office window. When we’d checked in the day before the old fellow wearing the straw hat had been real friendly. He’d had a big smile on his face. But he wasn’t friendly when we was checking out.

      He barked at Ralph, “You owe me fifty dollars.”

      Ralph said, “You must be mixed up. Or maybe you’ve forgotten. I squeezed you down from thirty dollars to twenty-five. And that’s what I’ve paid you.”

      The old timer barked again. “Look at the clock. What does it say? It says four o’clock. Our checkout time is three o’clock. You’ve stayed an hour past three so you owe me for two nights instead of one.”

      Him sayin’ that really ticked Ralph off. He got red in the face. That was the first time I seen Ralph get mad. When he gets mad his face turns red. He said, “Listen, buddy, I can count. You don’t have but three customers today. I’m not about to let you charge me for an extra night on a slow day like this. There’s twenty-five dollars and that’s all you’re gonna get. Take it or leave it. And you can call the police and have me arrested if you want to.”

      That’s what Ralph said and with that he got back in the car and we drove off. I’ve got to say I think Ralph was right. It didn’t make sense for the man in the straw hat to stick us with an extra night because we’d stayed an hour past checkout