Why Beulah Shot Her Pistol Inside the Baptist Church. Clayton Sullivan

that. But then Ralph leaned over the piano and said something to me I wasn’t expecting him to say. He said, “Beulah, something about you has been on my mind for a long time.”

      I didn’t have no idea what he had on his mind. Particularly I didn’t know what he had on his mind about me. The fact is, I didn’t know he’d been thinking about me. But I could tell Ralph was throwing his fishing line, fish hook, and fish bait toward me. So I went for the bait and I said, “What’s that Mr. Rainey?”

      He said, “I wish you’d marry me.”

      That’s exactly what he said. He said, “I wish you’d marry me.” He spoke them five words to me while he was standing beside the upright piano at the front of the New Jerusalem Baptist Church in New Jerusalem, Mississippi. Believe you me, when he said them five words to me you could have knocked me over with a chicken feather. Or with a wet pine straw. I bet Ralph had never spoke twenty words to me before. Yet here he was tellin’ me out of the clear blue sky that he wanted to marry me. Which I’d never even thought about doin’. For cryin’ out loud, at the time I wasn’t but sixteen years old. I still had another year to go in high school. Getting married never had crossed my mind, and it sure had never crossed my mind to marry Ralph. Or as I called him back then, “Mr. Rainey.” He was older than me. It turned out he was twenty years older than I was. I knew he’d been married before. His wife had died from a brain tumor. Her name was Ruth Ann. She’d passed away a year or two earlier in the hospital up in Laurel. And I knew he was a daddy. Ralph and Ruth Ann had a boy they named Oscar. Oscar was born without any hay in his barn. Or without all his marbles in his bag. Which explains why he lives at the Mississippi Rehabilitation Center in Ellisville. Daddy says the center used to be called the Mississippi School for the Feebleminded. But they don’t call it that no more. Instead, they’ve sweetened the name up and now they call it the Mississippi Rehabilitation Center. And that’s where Oscar stays most of the time. On Saturdays Ralph would go and get Oscar and keep him over the weekend and bring him to church on Sunday. But Oscar liked staying in Ellisville better then staying with his daddy at New Jerusalem. The only other thing I knew about Ralph was that he had a farm and owned “Ralph’s Place.” That’s his meat market and barbecue cafe in Laurel. The reason I knew Ralph owned a butcher shop and barbecue cafe is because my daddy was one of his regular customers. He was always stopping by “Ralph’s Place” and buying barbecue. I couldn’t count the times I’ve heard Daddy say, “Ralph Rainey has the best barbecue ribs in Jones County. His ribs are just as good as Letha’s in Columbia.” Letha is a colored woman who lives over near Columbia in Marion County and for years has made her living selling barbecue. Some people say she cooks the best barbecue there is. Daddy says Ralph’s barbecue is just as good if not better.

      I could tell I blushed the moment Ralph leaned over the piano and said, “I wish you’d marry me.” My face turned as red as an apple at Christmas. And I got a feeling of butterflies in my stomach. The only thing I could think to say was, “Mr. Rainey, I ain’t but sixteen years old. I ain’t even out of high school.”

      Maybe that was a dumb thing for me to say, but at the time, it was the only thing I could think to say. He then said, “I wish you wouldn’t call me Mr. Rainey. I wish you’d call me Ralph.” That made me feel funny too. Ralph was twice as old as me. That’s why I’d always called him “Mr. Rainey.”

      Ralph kept on talking. As he was talking I was sittin’ on the piano bench and he was leaning on the piano. He laid it on heavy. Kind of whispering, he told me he’d been watching me for a long time. He said he’d been thinking about me for months. He said, “I think you’re the prettiest girl in New Jerusalem. The fact is, I think you’re the prettiest girl I ever seen.”

      You’ll admit that was pouring the honey on thick. And I mean thick. Ralph tellin’ me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen was the nicest thing anybody had ever said to me. My mama and daddy didn’t never say nothing sweet or kind like that to me. No they didn’t. All they ever done was boss me around. They’d say, “Beulah, wash the supper dishes tonight!” “Beulah, go shell some corn and feed the chickens!” Or Daddy would order me to practice my piano lessons so I could someday play “The Old Rugged Cross” and “Onward Christian Soldiers” in church. Mama and Daddy was always strict on me. They was strict because they was primitive Baptists. Which is what the New Jerusalem Baptist Church is. Don’t nobody in our church drink or dance. Dancing is a sin. And none of the women use make-up like powder or lipstick. The reason they don’t is because the Bible says you ain’t supposed to use ’em. I’m not sure where the Bible says you’re not suppose to use ’em but that’s sure what it says somewhere. That ain’t the only thing the Bible says. It also says somewhere that it’s disgraceful for a woman to cut her hair. So none of the women who belong to the New Jerusalem Baptist Church ever cut their hair. They wear it long—which is what I done—or some of ’em tie it in a knot which I done every once in a while. Brother Ledbetter is always preaching against women using make-up and cuttin’ their hair. He feels real strong about things like this. Brother Ledbetter, in case you don’t know, is the preacher at the New Jerusalem Baptist Church. Which is why people call him “Brother Ledbetter.”

      Maybe it’s because I’d never cut my hair and I’d never used no powder and lipstick that I got so excited when Ralph told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. Back then—being just sixteen years old and having lived all my life in New Jerusalem—I didn’t have sense enough to know Ralph was settin’ me up. He was pumping me up with sweet talk like I was a circus balloon. And back than I didn’t know that what a man says with his mouth don’t always square with the way he acts. So what did I do while sittin’ on the piano bench listening to Ralph? I’ll tell you what I done. I lapped up what he said like a kitten laps up warm milk. Or like a dog gnaws on a ham bone. I couldn’t get enough. I gotta admit I was a little ticked off when Ralph—after tellin’ me over and over how pretty I was—popped me the question, “Beulah, are you a virgin?”

      Somehow I felt him asking me that right there in the church was a little touchy and nosy. But I was so taken in by all he was saying that I said, “Oh yes, Mr. Rainey.”

      He said, “You mean Ralph. Please remember I want you to call me Ralph.”

      So I said, “Oh yes, Ralph.” That was the first time I ever called him Ralph. I think it’s kinda weird that the first time I ever called my husband by his first name was when I answered his question about me being a virgin.

      He said, “I’d never marry a woman who wasn’t a virgin. I don’t want a wife some other man has fooled around with.”

      I was feelin’ real awkward about Ralph askin’ me if I was a virgin. So I said, “Maybe you’d better talk to Mama and Daddy about this. I couldn’t get married unless Daddy said it was all right.”

      Ralph said, “Beulah, if you want me to talk to your Mama and Daddy about you and me gettin’ married, I’ll sure talk to ’em.”

      Which is exactly what he done. Ralph come by our house two days later. The night before he come he called Daddy up on the phone. He told Daddy he wanted to come over the next evening and talk to him about something real important. Daddy told him, “Sure, Ralph, come on over. I’ll be glad to talk to you.”

      After Daddy had hung up the phone he turned to me and Mama and said, “That’s funny. That was Ralph Rainey. He says he wants to come by tomorrow night and talk to me about something important. I wonder what he wants to talk to me about?”

      Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Maybe I should have let Ralph handle the whole thing by himself. But I didn’t do that. I let the cat out of the bag. I looked at Daddy and said, “He wants to talk to you about me being his wife. Last Sunday after church Mr. Rainey told me he wanted to marry me.”

      The moment I said that Mama let out this big groan. She sounded like a stuck pig. She made a face and said, “You’ve got to be kiddin’.”

      I said, “Nope, I ain’t kiddin’. Last Sunday he told me he wanted me to be his wife, and I told him he’d have to talk it over with the two of you and get your okay.”

      Daddy