The Merry Wives of Windsor. William Shakespeare

humour rises; it is good; humour me the angels.

       FALSTAFF

       I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.

       PISTOL

       Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

       NYM

       I thank thee for that humour.

       FALSTAFF

       O! she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass. Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheator to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

       PISTOL

       Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,

       And by my side wear steel? then Lucifer take all!

       NYM

       I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter; I will keep the haviour of reputation.

       FALSTAFF

       [To ROBIN] Hold, sirrah; bear you these letters tightly; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod away o' hoof; seek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of this age; French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page.

      [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN.]

      PISTOL

       Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,

       And high and low beguile the rich and poor;

       Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,

       Base Phrygian Turk!

       NYM

       I have operations in my head which be humours of revenge.

       PISTOL

       Wilt thou revenge?

       NYM

       By welkin and her star!

       PISTOL

       With wit or steel?

       NYM

       With both the humours, I:

       I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

       PISTOL

       And I to Ford shall eke unfold

       How Falstaff, varlet vile,

       His dove will prove, his gold will hold,

       And his soft couch defile.

       NYM

       My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour.

       PISTOL

       Thou art the Mars of malcontents; I second thee; troop on.

      [Exeunt.]

SCENE IV. A room in Doctor Caius's house

       Table of Contents

      [Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, and SIMPLE.]

      QUICKLY

       What, John Rugby!

      [Enter RUGBY.]

      I pray thee go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the King's English.

       RUGBY

       I'll go watch.

       QUICKLY

       Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

      [Exit RUGBY.]

      An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-bate; his worst fault is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?

       SIMPLE

       Ay, for fault of a better.

       QUICKLY

       And Master Slender's your master?

       SIMPLE

       Ay, forsooth.

       QUICKLY

       Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife?

       SIMPLE

       No, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a little yellow beard—a cane-coloured beard.

       QUICKLY

       A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

       SIMPLE

       Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.

       QUICKLY

       How say you?—O! I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

       SIMPLE

       Yes, indeed, does he.

       QUICKLY

       Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

      [Re-enter RUGBY.]

      RUGBY

       Out, alas! here comes my master.

       QUICKLY

       We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet.

      [Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.]

      He will not stay long. What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be not well that he comes not home.

      [Exit Rugby.]

      [Sings.] And down, down, adown-a, &c.

      [Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.]

      CAIUS

       Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet une boitine verde—a box, a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

       QUICKLY

       Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you.

       [Aside] I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. CAIUS Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais a la cour—la grande affaire. QUICKLY Is it this, sir? CAIUS Oui; mettez le au mon pocket: depechez, quickly—Vere is dat knave, Rugby? QUICKLY What, John Rugby? John!

      [Re-enter Rugby.]

      RUGBY

       Here, sir.

       CAIUS

       You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.

       RUGBY

       'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

       CAIUS

       By my trot, I tarry too long—Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublie? Dere is some simples in my