The Merry Wives of Windsor. William Shakespeare

SLENDER

       By these gloves, then, 'twas he.

       NYM

       Be avised, sir, and pass good humours; I will say "marry trap" with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it.

       SLENDER

       By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

       FALSTAFF

       What say you, Scarlet and John?

       BARDOLPH

       Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

       EVANS

       It is his "five senses"; fie, what the ignorance is!

       BARDOLPH

       And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions passed the careires.

       SLENDER

       Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter; I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

       EVANS

       So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

       FALSTAFF

       You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

      [Enter ANNE PAGE with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following.]

      PAGE

       Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.

      [Exit ANNE PAGE.]

      SLENDER

       O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

       PAGE

       How now, Mistress Ford!

       FALSTAFF

       Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met; by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her] PAGE Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

      [Exeunt all but SHALLOW, SLENDER, and EVANS.]

      SLENDER

       I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.

      [Enter SIMPLE.]

      How, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?

       SIMPLE

       Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?

       SHALLOW

       Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here: do you understand me?

       SLENDER

       Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason.

       SHALLOW

       Nay, but understand me.

       SLENDER

       So I do, sir.

       EVANS

       Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you pe capacity of it.

       SLENDER

       Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says; I pray you pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

       EVANS

       But that is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage.

       SHALLOW

       Ay, there's the point, sir.

       EVANS

       Marry is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

       SLENDER

       Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.

       EVANS

       But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth: therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?

       SHALLOW

       Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

       SLENDER

       I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.

       EVANS

       Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

       SHALLOW

       That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

       SLENDER

       I will do a greater thing than that upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

       SHALLOW

       Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

       SLENDER

       I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope upon familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say "Marry her," I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

       EVANS

       It is a fery discretion answer; save, the fall is in the ort "dissolutely:" the ort is, according to our meaning, "resolutely." His meaning is good.

       SHALLOW

       Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

       SLENDER

       Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

       SHALLOW

       Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

      [Re-enter ANNE PAGE.]

      Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

       ANNE

       The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company.

       SHALLOW

       I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne!

       EVANS

       Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

      [Exeunt SHALLOW and EVANS.]

      ANNE

       Will't please your worship to come in, sir?

       SLENDER

       No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

       ANNE

       The dinner attends you, sir.

       SLENDER

       I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow.

      [Exit SIMPLE.]

      A justice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.

       ANNE

       I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come.

       SLENDER

       I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank