The Merry Wives of Windsor. William Shakespeare

as much as though I did.

       ANNE

       I pray you, sir, walk in.

       SLENDER

       I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th' other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there bears i' the town?

       ANNE

       I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

       SLENDER

       I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?

       ANNE

       Ay, indeed, sir.

       SLENDER

       That's meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain; but I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed; but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.

      [Re-enter PAGE.]

      PAGE

       Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.

       SLENDER

       I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

       PAGE

       By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.

       SLENDER

       Nay, pray you lead the way.

       PAGE

       Come on, sir.

       SLENDER

       Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.

       ANNE

       Not I, sir; pray you keep on.

       SLENDER

       Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.

       ANNE

       I pray you, sir.

       SLENDER

       I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong indeed, la!

      [Exeunt.]

SCENE II. The same

       Table of Contents

      [Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.]

      EVANS

       Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which is the way; and there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.

       SIMPLE

       Well, sir.

       EVANS

       Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page; and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you be gone: I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.

      [Exeunt.]

SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn

       Table of Contents

      [Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN.]

      FALSTAFF

       Mine host of the Garter!

       HOST

       What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.

       FALSTAFF

       Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.

       HOST

       Discard, bully Hercules; cashier; let them wag; trot, trot.

       FALSTAFF

       I sit at ten pounds a week.

       HOST

       Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keiser, and Pheazar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap; said I well, bully Hector?

       FALSTAFF

       Do so, good mine host.

       HOST

       I have spoke; let him follow. [To BARDOLPH] Let me see thee froth and lime. I am at a word; follow.

      [Exit HOST.]

      FALSTAFF

       Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade; an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.

       BARDOLPH

       It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive.

       PISTOL

       O base Hungarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield?

      [Exit BARDOLPH.]

      NYM

       He was gotten in drink. Is not the humour conceited?

       FALSTAFF

       I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer—he kept not time.

       NYM

       The good humour is to steal at a minim's rest.

       PISTOL

       "Convey" the wise it call. "Steal!" foh! A fico for the phrase!

       FALSTAFF

       Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

       PISTOL

       Why, then, let kibes ensue.

       FALSTAFF

       There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.

       PISTOL

       Young ravens must have food.

       FALSTAFF

       Which of you know Ford of this town?

       PISTOL

       I ken the wight; he is of substance good.

       FALSTAFF

       My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

       PISTOL

       Two yards, and more.

       FALSTAFF

       No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is "I am Sir John Falstaff's."

       PISTOL

       He hath studied her will, and translated her will out of honesty into English.

       NYM

       The anchor is deep; will that humour pass?

       FALSTAFF

       Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband's purse; he hath a legion of angels.

       PISTOL

       As many devils entertain; and "To her, boy," say I.

       NYM