The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

you will get abetter fellow than I. (She turns away her head.) Goodbye, I suppose it is better as it is. You and I could never — Bell, let us marry and risk it!

      (She seems about to assent. Rushes into KIT’S arms.) They say a woman’s No often means Yes.

      BELL (freezingly). It is a libel!

      (He looks at her, raises his cap, and exits along bank.)

      (On bank.) Oh! he cannot love me or he would never have gone away like that. I did not tell him to go!

      (W. G. is heard shouting ‘Ship ahoy!’ The punt draws up.)

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. Be cautious, W. G. (Boards.) Bell, W. G. declares he saw Mr. Upjohn walking along the bank.

      BELL. He has been recalled to London.

      W. G. By telegram?

      BELL. Yes.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. What a pity. We shall all miss him!

      (Sounds of breakage.) Oh, listen to Penny smashing crockery for breakfast!

      (Exit through saloon.)

      W. G. (in the punt). Bell, I believe that telegram was just an excuse to let Upjohn get away. Have you been boring him again?

      BELL. I — I hate him!

      (W. G. comes on bank.)

      W. G. Hallo! You are crying!

      BELL. I’m not! (Sobs.)

      W. G. (after whistling). Bell, I believe you’ve gone and got too fond of him! Oh, Cicero, you couldn’t expect Upjohn to fall in what-you-call-it with the like of you!

      BELL. Don’t talk nonsense, I have rejected him.

      W. G. You!

      BELL. Why shouldn’t I?

      W. G. Great Balbus, girl, why he made 121 against Notts. I say, I wonder what he saw in you? You are sure he wanted you? (BELL slaps his face and jumps into punt.) Then I’ll go after him!

      BELL. No, I would rather die.

      W. G. Than what?

      BELL. Than seem to ask him back.

      W. G. But you want him?

      BELL. I don’t!

      W. G. All right. (Is about to tie up punt.)

      BELL (stiffly). You needn’t tie up the punt, I am — going out in it. (W. G. whistles.) Only to practise punting for a few minutes before breakfast.

      W. G. You are going after him.

      BELL. The idea! (Gets into punt.)

      W. G. You are!

      BELL. Nothing of the sort. If I chance to meet him and he — apologises — I — W. G., am I a girl who could run after any man? (Punts out of sight in direction taken by KIT.)

      W. G. Balbus! I’m glad I’m a man. (Sits on plank.)

      (Enter MRS. GOLIGHTLY through saloon with flowers which she puts on table.)

      Bell has gone out in the punt, mater. How long till breakfast now?

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. A quarter of an hour at least, Penny has capsized the kettle.

      (NANNY and ANDREW come into view on deck.)

      W. G. I’m famishing! (MRS GOLIGHTLY, with knitting, follows him to stern.)

      NANNY. Come and feed the swans, W. G. Such beauties!

      W. G. Greedy beggars, they are always eating. (Goes on deck.)

      NANNY. Are you not coming, Auntie?

      MRS GOLIGHTLY. NO, dear, I have this to finish. (She sits on plank and knits.)

      (W. G., NANNY, and ANDREW are on deck flinging bread overboard.)

      NANNY. What long necks they have!

      ANDREW. I should like to dissect them, W. G. Chuck a crust at that brute. Oh! did you see me hit him in the eye?

      (SARAH enters along bank, and looking sharply into houseboat windows she jumps to see who are on deck. MRS. GOLIGHTLY looks up and sees her.)

      SARAH. Good morning, ma’am. (Starts.)

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY (wondering). Good morning, who are you?

      SARAH. I’m from London.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. Yes?

      SARAH. And outspoken. You don’t happen to have a villain on board?

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. Gracious, no!

      SARAH. I’ve tracked him from London to this neighbourhood.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. Who is he?

      SARAH. Jasper Phipps by name, barber by trade, deceiver by nature.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. What has he done?

      SARAH. Didn’t turn up.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. Where?

      SARAH. At the church door.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. YOU were to be married to him?

      SARAH. I was, yesterday, and I waited an hour. Then this letter is handed to me. He is a scholar, is Jasper. (Hands MRS. GOLIGHTLY a letter.)

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. ‘My dearest Sarah. You will be surprised at my not turning up to marry you, and I feel I owe you an apology.’ (Looks up) I should think he did! ‘First, my love, it is a startler to a man to wake up on his marriage morning and remember that in an hour he will be tied for life. Second, through shaving so many gents, I feel that I want to have a burst as one, myself. Sarah, it can only be done with the honeymoon money. Third, my sweet, I know a swell I am like in appearance, and I am going to pass for him, but he is a bachelor so it wouldn’t be proper to take you with me. Fourth, it would be more difficult for you than for me to look like a swell. Fifth, there is not enough money for two at any rate. Everything considered, dear Sarah, I have decided to have the honeymoon before the marriage, and to have It by myself. Then, my girl, when my week’s leave is up, I will come back and marry you. Fear not; I am staunch, and don’t follow me. Your affectionate Jasper. P.S. — I love you! I love you! I love you!’ The scoundrel!

      SARAH. Nothing of the kind.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. YOU said he was a villain yourself!

      SARAH. I won’t let others miscall him.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. YOU are well rid of him.

      SARAH. I ain’t. I tell you I’ll find him yet.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. And then what will you do?

      SARAH. Be revenged! Marry him!

      (Exit along bank.)

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. Well, well, well!

      (NANNY comes to top of ladder.)

      NANNY. Bell, will you and Mr. Upjohn — why, Auntie, where are they? I thought I heard you talking to them.

      MRS. GOLIGHTLY. No. Mr. Upjohn has been recalled to London and W. G. says Bell is out in the punt.

      NANNY. Recalled to London! (Turning to w g.) DO you know about this?

      W. G. (eating a crust). Yes. Upjohn went away in a huff, and Bell went after him.

      NANNY. After him?

      W. G. You see he asked her to be his —

      NANNY (stopping him). Ahem! Mr. McPhail, please get me my straw hat from the saloon, (ANDREW nods and goes down to saloon.) Now, W. G., quick!