The Dastardly Book for Dogs. Chris Pauls

to be courageous. Some of us think that courage is physical, as when a fluffy Bichon Frisé stands up to a bossy Dobermann, or a Spaniel scares off an intruder. Some of us think it’s mental, like when a defiant Sheepdog stretches out on the couch and flatly refuses to budge despite the pleas and threats of her owner. And some of us think it’s a little bit of both, such as when you know you’ll be punished for leaping over a lounge chair, stealing a plate of pork ribs and knocking Granny over in the process – but you do it anyway.

      However you define courage, dogs have it by the bushel. Here are profiles of a few brave souls that make us proud to call ourselves canines.

      TOGO AND BALTO: Sled Dog Heroes

      In January 1925 the remote city of Nome, Alaska, was facing a deadly diphtheria epidemic. The people who lived there badly needed antitoxin. Unfortunately, weather conditions were terrible. Temperatures had dropped to near fifty degrees below zero. That’s cold enough to make you want to wear a hand-made dog sweater. In fact, it was so cold that the planes ferrying supplies to the isolated outpost couldn’t make the trip (and the pilots were just too cold to get out of bed). Still, something had to be done. A great and wise decision was made by man that day – to enlist the services of his old friend, the dog. Togo and Balto were two of the dogs chosen to lead teams through the harsh terrain.

      In what became known as the ‘Great Race of Mercy’, roughly 150 sled dogs carried the anti-toxin 674 miles in relays across the Alaskan wilderness in sub-zero temperatures. They didn’t wear booties. They didn’t stop for treats. They just ran. Fast.

       Togo

       Balto

      Blizzard conditions meant that mushers sometimes could not see their hands in front of them, or at least that’s what they said. Mushers are lazy. They say lots of things to get dogs to do more work. And what good is a musher who can’t even see where he’s going? We bet Togo and Balto both had half a mind to get up there in the sled and make the mushers do the tough work for a change. Instead they just buckled down and did what dogs do – the hard work. Fortunately for everyone, the courageous canines were able to follow the trail’s scent. They got everyone back on track and conquered the dangerous terrain, completing the run in less than six days.

      Balto, a Siberian Husky who was the lead sled dog on the final stretch into Nome, became a canine celebrity. He went to all the red-carpet events, and even got a statue in New York’s Central Park. But many feel that Togo, the lead Husky who ran the longest and arguably most difficult leg of the run, is the true hero of the event. There’s no statue of Togo, except in our hearts. We think that both of them are heroes.

      PEG LEG PETEY, THE PIRATE DOG:

      The Three-Legged Scourge of the High Seas; The Most Terrible Terrier

      A legendary pirate dog who would not hesitate to bite the scurvy Bulldogs of the Royal Navy, Petey was widely known as a goodly mutt – tolerant, high-spirited, brave and fearless despite his small size. It was a reputation he earned in one of the most famous adventure tales in all of dog lore.

      Petey was only a wee stray when he was taken from the dead-end streets of London and shipped out to sea as a cabin pup, but he learned the laws of the deep blue quickly. Soon after leaving port, on a dark and stormy night, Petey’s sloop was attacked by a great white whale. While others took shelter and the fierce storm waves tossed the captain overboard, little Petey stood his ground. He soon found himself engaged in a fierce and epic battle with the giant cetacean.

      Even though he was a tiny dog, Petey had more courage, heart and cunning in his little body than most dogs and men twice his size. He jumped atop the great whale, sunk his teeth into its side and saved the sloop from certain destruction.

      That night Petey lost his leg to the whale, but he gained something else – the respect of the ship’s crew. Though he had little experience, he was voted captain and took to it like a natural. He was a magnanimous leader, commanding cats and dogs and men alike, and splitting his plunder of bones, treasure and treats fairly among all those in his crew.

      Petey’s life was not an easy one. There were no playful hikes in the canyons for him, and occasional walks on the plank were his only exercise. But his tales of high-seas daring and adventure inspire salty dogs and puppies alike to this day, and they will never be forgotten.

A Connoisseur’s Guide to Shoes

      Long ago, choosing a shoe was a simple affair. This is because there was originally only one kind of shoe. It was made of tar-coated leaves which were secured with knotted vines. This made for an adequate after-dinner digestif, but it was nothing to go on about. Eventually humans learned to cultivate shoes to have more palatable characteristics. For instance, the savoury clog was created by carefully combining the chewiness of a flip-flop with the hearty gusto of a work boot.

      Today there are thousands of shoe varieties from a wide array of regions. Each has its own distinct aroma, texture and complexity of flavour.

      With this broad palette to choose from, the connoisseur must determine which one is right to fit an occasion or one’s prevalent mood.

      Here are some favourites, covering many seasonal possibilities and owner budgets. We recommend all without reservation.

      Jimmy Choo Crystal Accented Slingbacks: Delicate and with a pedigree, offers a gnawable two-inch heel, tender, earthy back strap and a band of Italian crystals on top which can be picked off and savoured individually. Be forewarned: Indulging in this shoe right before a wedding may come with repercussions.

      Russell & Bromley Loafers: Enjoyment of this tasselled slip-on can be maximized by giving it a good soaking in the toilet for a time and then tucking it away in your shoe cellar to let it develop a musky richness. The true shoephile will enjoy deconstructing its complex leather weave.

      Nine West Ballet Pump: With its simple, soft underside and light-bodied upper, this flat shoe’s a perfect everyday choice. Its tidy front ribbon and springy elastic back add a surprise finish. Goes great with a dry biscuit.

      Dolcis Wedge: The woven wedge heel has a light, breezy flavor, and its ankle wrap ribbon maximizes dragability. Winner of the 2007 Bournemouth Silver Chomp Award.

      Animal Slippers: Synthetic materials are subtle at best but usually dull. Lack of flavour, however, is trumped here by the pure satisfaction of tearing one of these big, soft animal-shaped shoes apart. Their design and hearty texture provide a good dry run should you ever find yourself having to do battle with a real lion or monkey.

      Bottega Veneta Fantasia Tropez Thongs: Perfect for an afternoon at your owner’s friend’s fancy holiday cottage. Its intricate metallic-front design has a rich bite and allows for good gripping. The decadent leather bottom gives this shoe a smooth, luscious balance.