Intertwined Fates. Ariana Bazhenova

and a small cluster of buildings, but year after year, its dark metastases stretched further and further, entangled in a network of roads. Along the central streets-veins of the city, narrow, dark, covered with a construction net so that pieces of plaster would not fall on the heads of passers-by, lines of cars stretched wearily. Nearby, on the narrow sidewalks paved with tiles, the townspeople crowded, and often had to stick out their elbows to pass – I simply did not know how to walk slowly. The blood flow, the flow of energy and life were too slow here. Northern Venice. This honorable name with a romantic flair justified itself: water, the wild flowing energy of life, was pacified, tamed, encased in hard granite here. And the heart of this city, called by Dostoevsky the most «abstract» and «deliberate», erected among the swamps by the power of one human will, was the Hermitage – «a hermit’s refuge». The city was built only three hundred years ago, but it seemed frozen like a museum. But museums are not meant for life, they are beautiful pictures, behind which there is nothing – and indeed, leaving the central routes of St. Petersburg, you find yourself in dirty dark courtyards, already touched by the sepsis of destruction. From above, this was disguised by an abundance of stucco and paint, and the great works of architecture – the Admiralty, the Hermitage, St. Isaac’s and Kazan Cathedrals – seemed like anachronisms, wearily looking at people trying to preserve their lives here. «St. Petersburg is for love,» screamed from all the souvenir shops, and sometimes I found it hard to breathe here.

      One chilly December day, I stood on the Neva embankment, the bed of which was encased in granite, and looked at the dark gray water. It was not for nothing that I ended up in this city; my intuition told me that I needed to complete some task from my past life. I vaguely guessed that it was connected with Leo, that strangely familiar man who came to me in my dreams, and thoughts about whom kept me from falling asleep. But what should I do with him?

      The session was coming to an end, and I was planning to return to work for a couple of days before the New Year. Suddenly, a message came from my boss: «Urgently write a test on the material of your module.» I frowned. As always, sudden urgent tasks that break the daily routine. Trying to calm down, I threw on a fur coat and went outside, into the frosty winter air. «Again, should I write to Lev first and ask about the project? Why doesn’t he contact me himself?» I thought, and a shadow of resentment flashed across my face as I typed a message to him with trembling, reddened from the cold fingers.

      «I won’t have time to do the test before the end of the week. I’ve already warned your colleagues,» his answer was so irritating between the lines. I squeezed the phone and exhaled loudly, frowning. «Lev, I’m really sorry that I have to bother you. But these are not my inventions, I don’t have time to do anything myself, you shouldn’t take out your emotions on me,» I certainly won’t write this to him.

      Our rare communication on business matters was moving further and further away from what I had foreseen and what I really wanted. These dry answers were not at all like mutual understanding and care, shared warm memories and silly jokes, tender and passionate kisses and sleepless nights spent together – which I involuntarily fantasized about before going to bed.

      «I understand, I don’t have time either. Let me come back, meet and discuss at the beginning of the week?» I typed in response, slightly slowing down the boiling anger.

      The meeting was scheduled for December 27 – on this day you can still discuss work issues, but on the following days the brain refuses to think about anything and is busy preparing for the holiday. And in my mind I was already in Moscow, celebrating the New Year with Kate and forgetting about the unfriendliness of St. Petersburg and the strange situation with Lev.

      The day before, lying in bed, I again could not close my eyes, looking at the ceiling. An anxious thought was sitting in the back of my mind: very soon our project with Lev would end, and there would be no more chances for meetings. I felt that he and I really could and should inevitably become close, but does he really not have reciprocal thoughts? How many more consultations will we have? One, two, three? There was no time to waste – it was time to act. Something had to change.

      …Without remembering myself, I softly slid into the realm of sleep. Making my way through the thick haze of fog, I came out into a small clearing. Turning around, I saw that it ended in a sharp cliff that fell into a bottomless black gorge, surrounded by high, harsh mountains. There was very little space in the clearing – it was as if I was balancing on the edge of common sense, keeping me from falling into the abyss.

      Feeling someone’s presence, I turned my head and saw how Leo was approaching me from the fog. Here, in this small world, next to the deadly cliff, his presence felt different – as if a long-familiar, once close person had come to me. He gently took my hand, pulled me towards him and smiled, causing a warm light to spread throughout my body.

      «What a beautiful white dress,» was all he said, and I looked at my hands, decorated with lacy snow-white sleeves.

      I looked up at him… But then the alarm clock tore me out of my sleep with a sharp, nasty sound, reminding me that it was six in the morning and time to go to work. But, remembering that today was December 27, I instantly perked up, got out of bed and went to the closet. The dream told me what to do. A couple of days ago I received a package with a new set of jewelry and a blouse – white, elegant and light, with lace sleeves. It created a truly festive mood and added lightness to the image.

      Having adjusted my fur coat and scarf in front of the mirror at the entrance to Lev’s laboratory department, I smiled broadly at myself, unable to hide the mischievous lights in my eyes. I am sure – from this day on everything will be different.

      I really decided to do this! Now there is nowhere to retreat: I need to be soft, attractive, intriguing. Even if nothing comes of it today, it was worth at least trying.

      Slowly entering Lev’s office, I sat down on a chair opposite him. And, despite our large difference in age and rank, I decided to take a risky maneuver – a quick rapprochement through an emphatically friendly tone. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to do this with other men, but Lev came to me so often in my dreams, and I felt so clearly that he was vaguely familiar to me, that I took this risk.

      – So what? Let’s quickly deal with the task of composing the test today, and then we can rest in peace? – I smiled as gently as possible, looking into his eyes and encouraging him with a slight nod of my head.

      Now I realized that he was really tired of the large amount of scientific work that I could not even understand, and I tried to show him with all my appearance that I understood his situation and did not want to burden him with additional tasks.

      I slowly bent over a sheet of paper and began to sketch out ideas for the test for our project. But then the phone rang. He picked up the receiver and thoughtfully listened to the speaker, but his slightly confused gaze wandered over me, as if he could not decide to focus. Finally, he froze, looking into my eyes, and answered the caller something playfully, but his open and good-natured smile was clearly addressed to me. I caught his gaze and smiled back slightly playfully. When he hung up, I said softly:

      – By the way, I wanted to ask. Have you had the opportunity to read the book on psychology that I recommended to you? At least briefly, selected chapters.

      – Yes! So I read it in the evenings in full.

      – Don’t you get tired after work?

      – I do, usually I only have the strength to eat and sleep.

      I tilted my head to the side, smiling sympathetically. I understood his fatigue perfectly well. And at the same time, his desire to responsibly approach a project that was completely unimportant to him inspired respect. I really wanted to hug him warmly and support him…

      – I understand, I experienced the same thing during the session… It’s great that you found the opportunity to read the