Intertwined Fates. Ariana Bazhenova

Have a nice day.

      That’s it. The whole fateful first meeting took no more than ten minutes. I pursed my lips, trying to calm the annoyance flaring up inside.

      I carefully walked in heels across the freshly washed slippery floor and again plunged into the frost nipping at my skin. An unpleasant aftertaste remained inside, and I shuddered. «Nonsense! So, all this time of waiting – and you tell me at our first meeting that everything is crap, and laugh at my rector?» I raised an eyebrow. Honestly, naively, but inside I had a hope that he would immediately say something like «Finally we met!», or maybe immediately confess his love to me. Sounds funny. But my intuition told me that everything is yet to come.

      Despite the strange first meeting, I was extremely interested to know how Lev felt about me, and what was behind his demonstratively dismissive behavior. If only there was a way to look into his thoughts…

      And then, on the way home, it dawned on me. Such a way exists!

      As soon as I entered the apartment, my hand itself reached for the Tarot cards, which had long been resting on the shelf unused. Obviously, now was their time. I felt that this was not just like that and that there was a «second bottom» to the situation of our meeting and communication in general.

      I drew the curtains, brewed myself some mint tea, lit a few candles that filled the room with a soft amber light, and reached for the cards. I took the deck in my hands, feeling the familiar strange warmth from it, and began to shuffle.

      «Kira, stop it! Are you possessed by the devil? He’s married, stop it. Why do layouts on him?» – was beating in my head, but I could no longer stop. I wanted to know the truth.

      – Cards, tell me, how does Leo see me?

      With a slight movement of my hand, I pulled out three cards face down and turned them over. The High Priestess, the Nine of Wands, and the Queen of Swords were looking at me.

      The High Priestess card apparently said that Leo saw or felt this cold, deep femininity and intuition in me first.

      Only after several months had passed did I learn that the High Priestess card has long meant a lover.

      Next to the priestess lay the Nine of Wands card. It depicted a long row of wands – and in the foreground stood a man, clutching another wand to himself. His head was bandaged, and fear was clearly written on his face. «Leo thinks that I am afraid of something. Or is he afraid of himself? Of me? Or of what might arise between us?»

      Finally, the Queen of Swords. As befits the Knight of Swords, Leo communicated with me in a tense, businesslike manner. He saw in me the predominance of intelligence and determination. But this is only a part of me! I wanted other people, and especially Leo, to see in me my true archetype – the decisive and soulful Queen of Wands, the lady of fire.

      – What is the most likely prospect for the development of our communication and joint work? – I asked the next question.

      The cards gave me an answer from three major arcana: the High Priestess in blue robes looked at me piercingly again, to which the empress and strength were added.

      Even then I knew that one of the interpretations of the priestess card is a secret love affair.

      But the Empress card caused a subconscious rejection in me – this is the sunny, active, socially approved side of femininity. There is nothing bad in the Empress archetype itself, but it too clearly symbolized the legal wife and future mother, basking in the warm rays of the sun – she is accepted and loved by society. Together with her light hair, she reminded me of her – Christina, who recently looked at me with such anger in the dining room.

      Yes, the legal wife, relatives and colleagues perceive her as a sunny person and a good match for Leo. But the first cracks of unhappiness have already appeared inside her – she senses trouble.

      So, the cards of the Priestess and Empress, which have long denoted a mistress and a wife, lay eloquently next to each other. And I was still torn by doubts – should I go further and immerse myself in this story? But something beckoned and drew me in. The last card, Strength, depicted a girl in flowing white robes and a wreath in her fair hair, who with her graceful hands embraced the head of a lion and its gaping mouth with sharp fangs. A symbol of spiritual strength and fortitude, the ability to cope with destructive impulses.

      Another – literal – meaning of this card was revealed to me later. It literally depicts our zodiac signs: the embrace of Virgo and Leo – that is what awaits us.

      ***

      The intoxication of the twist of fate passed, and the previous string of everyday life returned – work, work, work. I made sketches for our project in parallel with many other tasks. Unfortunately, there was a lull on Lev’s part. I also did not get in touch on principle.

      – So, how are you working with Lev? – my boss asked cautiously on my last day before my December study leave, sorting through documents on a table littered with stacks of papers.

      – He doesn’t seem particularly eager to work on the project, – I frowned slightly.

      – He said that you «keep him in good shape,» – she laughed.

      – Yes, I made him read a book on psychology.

      – She made him! As if he has time to read books! He’s very busy, – she frowned. – Oh well, he’s a responsible boy, he’ll read.

      «What kind of boy is he? «He is ten years older than me,» I noted to myself in surprise. But he really was young in spirit, childish in character and slightly naive in some of his actions. Unfortunately, he did not take the project as seriously as I did, putting it aside for the sake of managing the lab. Alas, for him it was another useless task from the top management, and for me it was a thin thread between us.

      «I didn’t exactly force you, I just recommended it,» I smiled modestly.

      After which we hugged goodbye, and I went on study leave for three weeks.

      The first session of the master’s program began – at the very university I wanted to enter initially and prepared for a long time, so I did not apply to other universities. A year ago, like many other university graduates, I faced the question – where to go to study for a master’s program? I chose a prestigious university in St. Petersburg, a popular specialty – advertising technologies in the business environment.

      Raising various topics in the blog on psychology, I realized that people are maturing late now – until forty they are considered young, and it is not uncommon that at twenty-five they are only wondering what they want to do in life. Lack of attention to their own needs and desires, as well as an incredibly wide range of opportunities, options – all this gives rise to uncertainty in the choice of young people, conflicting desires to do several things at once, or puts them in front of a dilemma – the path of earning money or the path of doing something they love, which very rarely intersect. I was no exception and also faced this choice – I wanted a stable, well-fed, rich life. And I went to study at a prestigious university, still not betraying my passion for psychology.

      The first session in the master’s program flew by quickly, the days from early morning until night were filled with studies. Snow was falling outside the window, softly dusting the ground. When I thought about moving to St. Petersburg a year ago, I was sure that the winters here were slush and mud. I was wrong. The winters here are no worse. It’s like I’m back in Siberia.

      In the summer, I flew to St. Petersburg fully confident that it would accept me and that I would be happy here. Now I got a better look at this harsh