Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

regular folk. They see somethin’ freaky, somethin’ scary, they run the other way. Y’know what that means, don’t you? It means no one’s comin’ to help you. It means you’re all alone.”

      And then someone coughed right behind them. The man looked around and Tanith Low kicked him in the face. He stumbled and Valkyrie tore herself free, spinning around to keep him in sight as she backed off to the wall. He would have been handsome were it not for those awful black holes.

      The man smiled. “And who might you be?”

      “You first,” Tanith said.

      The man chuckled. “Very well. Billy-Ray Sanguine, master of all manner of unpleasant deaths and purveyor of cruel and unusual punishments, at your service.”

      “You’re a hitman?”

      “Not merely a hitman, darlin’. I am a hitman deluxe. I also do muscle-for-hire and a nice little sideline in mercenary activities. I’m very, very expensive and I’m very, very good. And you are?”

      “The end of you,” Tanith said.

      Sanguine laughed. “Oh, I see. I often wondered what the end of me would look like. Never imagined it’d be somethin’ quite so pretty.”

      Tanith reached into her coat and revealed her sword, still in its sheath. “Are you going to come along quietly, Mr Sanguine, or do I have to hurt you?”

      Sanguine’s face fell. “Oh come on! Look at the size of yours and look at the size of mine! I just got this little razor here! That’s hardly fair!”

      “But your blade against an unarmed girl, that’s fair?”

      He hesitated, stepping back as she neared. “Seemed fair to me,” he said, “at the time. At this juncture, lookin’ back, perhaps it was a bit one-sided. Twenty-twenty hindsight and all that.”

      She took off her coat and let it fall. The muscles moved beneath the skin of her arms. She slid the sword from its scabbard as she walked towards him.

      “Ooh,” he said. “Gettin’ interestin’ now.”

      Tanith lunged and Sanguine ducked, the sword whistling over his head. Tanith flicked her wrist and the blade zipped back towards him, but he jumped back out of range, giving a laugh.

      “Now this is fun! Two grown people gettin’ to know each other the old-fashioned way. Romance is in the air.”

      “You’re not my type.”

      “You don’t know what your type is, darlin’.”

      “I know you’re not it. Mr Sanguine, I’ve got some shackles with your name on them.”

      “Shackles can’t hold me, pretty lady. I’m immune to just about every binding spell I reckon you ever heard of, and a few more you haven’t. That’s what makes me special.”

      “That and your psychopathic tendencies.”

      “Oh, those don’t make me special. They just make me fun.”

      This time it was Sanguine who moved first, feinting right to draw the sword away then skipping in, the razor slicing up through the air. Tanith lifted her elbow, hitting his forearm and making him miss, then she kicked out at his knee and slashed back with the sword. Sanguine had to dive out of the way. He rolled awkwardly and came up, rubbing his knee.

      “That hurt,” he said with a smile.

      “I can make this easy on you.”

      “You gonna give me that sword of yours?”

      “No, but if you tell me what Baron Vengeous is planning, I’ll let you walk away from this.”

      He frowned. “But I drove here.”

      “This is a one-time offer, Mr Sanguine.”

      “And very considerate it is too. Unfortunately I am a professional, I got paid to do a job and I intend to do it – I have a reputation to protect after all. So how about this: you stand very still and allow me to kill you, and then I take the girl here and we go about our merry business. That sound good?”

      “Afraid not.”

      “Darn. Ah, well, back to basics, I guess.”

      He smiled again and stood with his feet together. Valkyrie watched the surface beneath him start to crack and break, and when it was loose enough he sank straight into the ground and disappeared from view.

      Tanith held the sword ready. The ground had closed up behind him, leaving only hundreds of little cracks to mark what had happened. Valkyrie kept very still. The seconds ticked by. Tanith was frowning, probably wondering if her opponent had simply run off. She glanced at Valkyrie, about to speak, then the wall behind her crumbled and Billy-Ray Sanguine dived at her.

      Tanith, for her part, seemed incapable of being taken by surprise and simply stepped away, her sword casually slicing Sanguine’s forearm. Covered in dirt, he howled in pain and the razor fell to the ground. He danced back, trying to stem the flow of blood. Valkyrie looked at the ground beside her feet.

      “Don’t you dare,” Sanguine warned, glaring at her with those black holes, but she paid no heed. She stooped and picked up the straight razor and this infuriated him even further.

      “What is it with you women?” he yelled, kicking at the air. “You come into our lives, you take everythin’! Throughout the years you got little pieces of me, of my very soul, and now? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even shave?”

      Behind Sanguine, Baron Vengeous strode in off the street and stood in the mouth of the alley. Valkyrie tensed.

      “Get it done,” Vengeous called out angrily.

      “Yes sir,” Sanguine responded then lowered his voice. “See that? You’re getting’ me in trouble with the boss. You better hand over the girl right this second.” A side door opened, a door Valkyrie had never noticed before.

      “Sorry,” China said as she stepped out, “that’s not about to happen.” She had a fresh cut along her forehead, but was otherwise unharmed. A black jeep pulled up beside Vengeous and Dusk got out.

      Valkyrie saw something, high above, a figure on the rooftop. For a moment she thought it was another of Vengeous’ bad guys, and then the figure stepped off and dropped, and Mr Bliss landed beside them. He straightened up. Valkyrie saw the Baron scowl.

      “Sanguine,” he called out, “there are too many of them. We’re leaving.”

      “Be right with you, Baron.”

      But Vengeous wasn’t waiting. He got in the jeep and Dusk got back behind the wheel, and they drove off. Suddenly alone, Sanguine stopped glowering. He looked at his adversaries and licked his lips. He was still holding his injured arm, blood trickling between his fingers.

      “What is Baron Vengeous planning?” asked Mr Bliss, his voice terrible and quiet.

      “I don’t know,” Sanguine said. “No wait, I’m lyin’. I do know, I’m just not tellin’.”

      Valkyrie watched him draw his feet together and the ground beneath him started to crumble. “Stop him!” she cried.

      Tanith lunged, but it was too late, and he sank down into the earth again.

      “Damn,” Tanith said, scowling. “Some ‘hitman deluxe’ he turned out to be. Nothing more than a sneaky little coward.”

      “I heard that!” They tensed, ready to fight, looking down at the piece of broken ground – and at Sanguine, who was poking his head up through the surface. They relaxed their stances.

      “I am not a coward,” Sanguine said hotly, looking up at them. “I have just been momentarily outclassed. It takes a man to admit when he is beaten.”

      “You