Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

and he stepped away to answer it.

      Now that Skulduggery was out of earshot, Kenspeckle let his voice soften in tone. “How is the shoulder from last month?”

      “Much better,” she answered. “I was barely left with a bruise.”

      Kenspeckle nodded. “I used a new mixture. The ingredients are a little harder to find, but for my favourite patients I like to make sure the healing process is as painless as possible.”

      “I’m on that list?” Valkyrie asked, her smile growing wider.

      Kenspeckle snorted. “You are the list.” Valkyrie laughed.

      “Your partner certainly isn’t,” Kenspeckle continued, returning his attention to Skulduggery as his phone call ended. “Let me see that syringe.” Skulduggery handed it over.

      “Where did you get it?”

      “It fell out of a vampire’s pocket.”

      Kenspeckle held the syringe up to the light, examining the liquid within. “Fascinating creatures, vampires. Two completely separate layers of epidermis, the upper layer of which regenerates when the sun comes up. Human by day, gifted with slightly enhanced speed and strength, but essentially mortal. But at night …”

      Valkyrie nodded. “I know what they’re like at night.”

      “Hmm? Oh, that’s right. You have firsthand knowledge, don’t you? How did you get that I wonder? Oh, yes.” He glared at Skulduggery. “Someone with absolutely no sense of responsibility dragged you in front of a vampire and almost got you killed.”

      Skulduggery tilted his head. “Are you talking about me?” he asked innocently.

      Kenspeckle scowled and went back to examining the syringe. “I’ve seen this before,” he said, “but only once. It’s a rare concoction of hemlock and wolfsbane. It would be used by a vampire to suppress his bestial nature at night.”

      “Makes sense,” Skulduggery murmured. “Dusk is of no use to Vengeous if he loses control every time the sun goes down.”

      Kenspeckle loosened his tie and undid his top shirt button. “I had a run-in with a vampire in my youth, and I barely escaped with my life. That’s why I carry this with me everywhere I go.” He showed them a glass vial that hung around his neck.

      “Is that holy water?” Valkyrie asked, a little doubtfully.

      “Holy water? No, no, no, Valkyrie. It’s sea water.”

      “Right,” she said slowly.

      “Holy water doesn’t work,” Kenspeckle explained, “and stakes through the heart won’t kill them. Decapitation is effective, but then decapitation is effective against most things. The one vampire legend that does have merit, however, is running water.”

      Valkyrie frowned. “OK, and that seems to be the one legend I’ve never heard of.”

      Skulduggery spoke up. “There’s an old myth that vampires can’t pass over running water, so they couldn’t cross a bridge that spans a river, for instance. Now, while crossing bridges doesn’t phase them in the slightest, the truth of the myth stems from salt water.”

      “Vampires have an extreme allergic reaction to the stuff,” Kenspeckle said. “If ingested, it would swell a vampire’s throat, blocking its air passage. Which is why I carry some with me at all times.”

      “But wouldn’t they have to swallow it?” Valkyrie asked.

      “Well, yes …”

      “And how would you get a vampire to swallow the water before it killed you?” Kenspeckle blinked and didn’t say anything.

      “Never mind,” Valkyrie said quickly. “I’m sure, you know, you’d find a way. Like, you could throw the water into its mouth when it’s, uh, about to bite you.”

      Kenspeckle’s shoulders slumped, and Valkyrie felt incredibly guilty that she had poked a hole in his plan. “Leave me,” he said a little mournfully.

      “I’m sorry …” Valkyrie began, but he held up his hand.

      “No need to apologise. I am a medical genius, a scientific genius, but obviously not a tactical genius. And to think, for the last 180 years I was unafraid of vampires because I had a vial of salt water tied around my neck. What an idiot.”

      Kenspeckle shuffled off and Skulduggery patted Valkyrie on the shoulder. “Congratulations,” he said. “You’ve just reinstated a 300-year old neurosis. Our work here is done.”

      Feeling absolutely terrible, Valkyrie followed him back the way they had come. They passed the two assistants in white labcoats, Stentor and Civet, wrestling in an empty room. Valkyrie had been here more times than she could count, and sights like this were not uncommon. The assistants waved, then got back to wrestling.

      Valkyrie was the first one down the stairs, and she walked to the back of the screen and stepped through. She jumped from the stage, turned and waited for Skulduggery. She watched him pass through the image of the door, and a moment later the film flickered, the screen went blank and the gloom closed in. He left the stage and the curtains began to drift together behind him.

      “Who was that on the phone?” she asked, trying to forget about what she had done to Kenspeckle.

      “The Grand Mage,” Skulduggery said, “checking in on us once again. His eagerness to recover the Baron is making him quite … irritable.”

      “He’s always irritable.”

      “Obviously he’s decided to take it to new heights.”

      “I wish Meritorious was still alive. He was a good Grand Mage. Guild is … He’s like a politician, like he’s got people to please.”

      They left the cinema and walked into the bright sunshine, and Skulduggery didn’t say anything until they got to the Bentley.

      “We’re supposed to meet Tanith at the library, so I’m going to drop you off there and meet up with you later, is that OK with you?”

      “Where are you going?”

      “Nowhere special. I just have some … things to do.”

      “Why did you pause?”

      “I’m sorry?”

      “You paused. You have some … things to do. Why did you pause?”

      “No reason, I just—”

      “You’re up to something.”

      “No—”

      “Then why’d you pause?”

      “Get in the car.” She got in. He got in.

      “Seatbelt,” he said.

      “Why’d you pause?”

      His head drooped. “Because I’m up to something.”

      “And why can’t I come with you?”

      “Because it’s something sneaky.”

      “Do you promise to tell me later?”

      “I do.”

      “Well, all right then.” She clicked her seatbelt into place. “Let’s go.”

      Valkyrie went into the tenement building and climbed the stairs, passing a man who didn’t have a shadow. She got to the third floor just as China Sorrows crossed from the library to her apartment.

      “Valkyrie,” China said. “How nice to see you again so soon.” The skirt she wore was a light green, and the jacket was of a green deeper than a thousand crushed emeralds. Her necklace was exquisite.

      “That’s beautiful,” Valkyrie said, looking at it.