Let's Go Europe 2019. Harvard Student Agencies

Karlovy Vary is indeed Coolio’s fabled “Gangsta’s Paradise,” it’s no wonder the song never mentions any hostels, seeing as the town has none. Thankfully, Karlovy Vary is home to a few, very affordable three-star hotels, of which Hotel Kavalerie is among the cheapest. Its location along T. G. Masaryka positions it smack dab in the middle of the town’s nightlife hubs, and only a five-minute walk from the colonnades. For a hotel, the amenities are pretty basic—a clean and comfortable room and a free breakfast, but that’s about it. That said, after you’ve spent your whole day walking through what Coolio describes as “the valley of the shadow of death,” it will feel like the Ritz.

      i Twin from 703Kč; reservation recommended; BGLTQ+ friendly; no wheelchair accessibility; linens included; free breakfast

       A. DALIA ($$)

      5. Kvetna 1; 222 539 539; www.adalia.hotels-karlovy-vary.com; no reception, check-in from 2pm

      With its homey rooms, manicured garden, and friendly owners, A. Dalia is one of the best backup options you could ask for. Yet, while nowhere in Karlovy Vary is ever more than a 10-minute walk away, this B&B, peacefully secluded atop a hill overlooking Hotel Thermal, will probably be one of the more strenuous 600-second walks you’ll take. Luckily, a nearby bus, which runs to the town center every five minutes, will save you the trouble.

       i Singles from 750Kč, twins from 1000Kč; reservation recommended; BGLTQ+ friendly; no wheelchair accessibility

       SIGHTS

      CULTURE

       KARLOVY VARY INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

      Ivana Petrovice Pavlova 2001/11; 221 411 011; www.kviff.com

      If you had told us that one of Central Europe’s biggest and most prestigious film festivals was situated in a small, Czech spa town where drinking hot, blood-tasting water was considered a treat, we would’ve called you a fat, stinking liar! But look who’s got egg on their face now! The Karlovy Vary International Film Festival is as real as it gets. Held in the first week of July, the KVIFF screens over 200 films from nearly 50 countries and attracts around 15,000 visitors. It’s by the far the most exciting time to visit the town—clubs, bars, and restaurants pop up everywhere (keep a lookout for something called Aeroport), while the area surrounding Hotel Thermal—a brutalist structure built specially for the festival—is full of things to do and drink.

       i Festival pass 1200Kč, reduced 900Kč; one-day pass 250Kč, reduced 200Kč; limited wheelchair accessibility

       MUNICIPAL THEATRE

      Divadelní náměstí 21; 353 225 621; www.karlovarske-divadlo.cz; hours and show times vary

      If there’s one place in Karlovy Vary that we can’t stand, it’s the Municipal Theatre. This is partly because it’s full of seats, but also because we can’t bear its stunning Neo-Baroque beauty. Built in 1884 along the Vltava River, the theater is considered one of the country’s most magnificent with its interiors painted by a couple of goofy Austrian twenty-somethings named Gustav and Ernst Klimt. Their greatest contribution is the incredibly intricate, hand-painted curtain that hangs in front the stage. As far as we can tell, the theater doesn’t put on any English-language productions, but it often hosts orchestras, ballets, and operas.

       i Ticket prices vary; wheelchair accessible

       SPRING COLONNADE

      Divadelní nám. 2036/2; 353 362 100; open daily 6am-6pm

      Karlovy Vary’s spring water is probably what a vegetarian vampire would drink, because even though it’s 100% natural, it still retains that lovely blood taste. But where would this vampire go to get his fix? The Spring Colonnade, of course! The Colonnade’s three natural geysers pump out water at 30°C, 50°C, and 70°C, and hordes of tourists stomach the water’s bloody tang in exchange for its abundance of nutrients and minerals. Bring your own water bottle or purchase the traditional spa cups (120-190Kč), which also serve as a thoughtful souvenir to give to your favorite bloodsucker back home. The floor above functions as a gallery of locally-produced glassworks, while the area below is home to the thermal springs that you can tour every half hour.

       i Free; wheelchair accessible

      LANDMARKS

       MILL COLONNADE

      Mlýnské nábř.; open daily 24hr

      If you walk along the Tepla River, you will inevitably come across the Mill Colonnade. It’s the de facto symbol of Karlovy Vary and one of the most beloved structures in town. In 1871, Josef Zitek, the architect behind Prague’s National Theatre and Rudolfinum, designed this Neo-Renaissance colonnade, which let spa guests enjoy the spring waters come rain, shine, or one of those pesky nineteenth-century plagues. Pretty cool, right? This next one’s even cooler. The structure is 132-meters long and it features 123 columns and an impressive five mineral springs.

       i Free; wheelchair accessible

      MUSEUMS

       MOSER FACTORY AND MUSEUM

      Kpt. Jaroše 46/19; 353 416 132; www.moser-glass.com; museum open daily 9am-5pm, factory tours 9:30am-2:30pm

      Moser makes glassware like Mercedes Benz makes cars. Yes, in a factory—but also to an insanely high standard. Founded in 1857, this factory has produced some of the most celebrated luxury glassware in Europe, used by everyone from the saint-like Whoopi Goldberg to the hilarious Pope Pius. Most exhibits follow the same basic structure of “Moser did ‘x’ collection in ‘y’ year, and it was interesting because [insert uninteresting reason] and owned by ‘z’ dynasty/celebrity.” We highly recommend a 30min. tour of the factory, during which you’ll see 1200°C furnaces and sweat-drenched men blowing bubbles of glass.

       i Museum and factory tour 180Kč, reduced 100Kč; factory tour 120Kč, reduced 70Kč; museum 80Kč, reduced 50Kč; wheelchair accessible

       KARLOVY VARY MUSEUM

      Nová louka 23; 736 650 047; www.en.kvmuz.cz; open May-Sept W-Su 10am-6pm, Oct-Apr 10am-5pm

      What’s the deal with all the spas? Why are there so many colonnades? Did Goethe’s love affair with a girl 55 years his junior have anything to do with his frequent visits? Did melting butter have anything to do with 97% of the town burning down in 1604? A visit to the Karlovy Vary Museum, which covers the town’s modern and prehistoric past, will answer all these burning questions. The highlights include a large model of the town, parts of which you can illuminate to learn more, and an interactive screen with anecdotes about the town’s famous visitors, including Sebastian Bach, Karl Marx, as well as Sigmund Freud and his mother.

       i Regular 100Kč, reduced 60Kč; wheelchair accessible

      OUTDOORS

       DVOŘÁK PARK

      360 01 Karlovy Vary; open daily 24hr

      Nowadays, when someone does something cool, the mayor will give them the key to the city. But back