Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent. William Carleton

      “Your receipt for making a forty shilling freeholder contains many excellent ingredients, but I do not think it was honestly drawn up; that is, I believe it to be the production of some one who was not friendly to that system of franchise. I have little else to say, except that you will find it necessary I think to be very firm and rigorous. Remember that we are here to-day, and gone to-morrow; so upon this principle keep them moving at a steady pace. In three words, think of my difficulties, and get all you can out of them—still remembering, as we say in the ring, never to train them below their strength, for that would be the loss of our own battle.

      “Yours, “Cumber.”

      Solomon M'Slime, Esq., Attorney-at-law, to Lord Cumber,

      “My esteemed Lord:

      “I had the unmerited honor—for, indeed, to a man sensible of his many frailties as I am, I feel it is an unmerited honor—to receive any communication from one whom the Lord hath exalted to a place of such high rank in this world, as that which your lordship so worthily fills. It gives me great gratification, my Lord, to learn from your last letter that you have appointed my friend, Mr. Valentine M'Clutchy, as your agent. I am not in the habit of attributing such circumstances as this—being, as they generally are, matters of mere worldly prudence and convenience—to any over-ruling cause from above; but truly the appointment of such a man at this particular time, looks as if there were a principle of good at work for your lordship's interests. May you continue, as you do, to deserve it! Your change of agents is, indeed, one that, through the talent, energy, and integrity of Mr. M'Clutchy, is likely to redound much and largely to your own benefit. In his capacity of under agent, I have had frequent opportunities of transacting business with him; and when I contrast his quickness, clearness, honesty, and skill, with the evident want of——but no, my Lord; far be it from me, as a Christian man, to institute any rash comparison either in favor of my fellow-creature or against him, so long as sin and prejudice even for that which is good, and frailty, may render us, as they often do, liable to error. In Mr. M'Clutchy it is possible I may be mistaken; in Mr. Hickman it is possible I may be mistaken—I am not infallible—I am frail—a very sinner, but not removed wholly, I would trust, out of the range of grace. My Lord, I say again, that, as a conscientious man, and as far as mere human reason—which is at best but short-sighted—enables me to judge, I am truly cheered in spirit by this, I trust, providential change in the agency of your property. My Lord, in my various correspondence, I generally endeavor to make it a rule not to forget my Christian duties, or, so to speak, to cast a single grain of the good seed into the hearts of those to whom I am privileged to write. The calls of religion are, indeed, strong upon us, if we permitted ourselves to listen to them as we ought. Will your lordship then pardon me for reminding you, that, however humble the instrument, I have before now been the honored means of setting your godly examples of charity before the world, with the single-hearted purpose and hope that it might imitate your virtues. There is in the neighborhood a case at present of great distress, in the person of a widow and her three young children, who have been left destitute by the guilt and consequent deportation of her unhappy husband to Australia, for the crime of feloniously abstracting live mutton. I defended him professionally, or, I should say—although I do not boast of it—with an eye to the relief of his interesting wife, but without success; and what rendered his crime more unpardonable, he had the unparalleled wickedness to say, that he was instigated to it by the ill-advice and intemperate habits of this amiable woman. Will your lordship, then, allow me to put your honored name in the list of her Christian friends? Allow me, my Lord, to subscribe myself,

      “Your lordship's frail, unworthy, “But faithful and honored servant, “Solomon M'Slime.”

      “P.S.—With respect to your jocose and ironical postscript, may I again take the liberty of throwing in a word in season. If your lordship could so far assume a proper Christian seriousness of character, as to render the act of kindness and protection on your part such as might confer a competent independence upon a female of religious dispositions, I doubt not, should your lordship's charity continue unabated on your arrival here, that some such desirable opportunity might offer, as that of rescuing a comely but desolate maiden from distress.

      “There is, indeed, a man here living on your lordship's property, who has a daughter endowed with a large portion of that vain gift called beauty. Her father and family are people of bad principle, without conscience or honesty, and, withal, utterly destitute of religion—not but that they carry themselves very plausibly to the world. Among such people, my Lord, it is not possible that this engaging damsel, who is now so youthful and innocent, could resist the evil influence of the principles that prevail in her family. Indeed, her abiding among them cannot be for her welfare in any sense.

      “I have the honor, &c.”

      Valentine M'Clutchy, Esq., to Solomon M'Slime.

      “My dear M'Slime:

      “As it is beyond any doubt, that in the fair discharge of our duty, you and I can be mutually serviceable to each other; and as it is equally evident that it is our interest, and what is more, the interest of Lord Cumber, that we should be so, I therefore think it right to observe, that in all transactions between us, each should treat the other with the most perfect confidence. For this reason, I beg to assure you, once for all, that in any proceeding that may appear harsh towards any of his lordship's tenantry, I am and shall be actuated by no other feeling, than a strong, conscientious sense of my duty to him. This is, was, and will bo the principle of my whole life. And you know very well, my dear M'Slime, that if I were less devoted to those interests than I am, my popularity would be greater among the tenantry. Indeed, few men have a right to know this better than yourself, inasmuch as you stand in precisely the same beloved relation to them that I do.

      “Our excellent friend Hickman is a very worthy man and exceedingly well meaning. Don't you think so? Oh, I am sure you do. Yet I know not how it happened that he left out of his system of agency some of the most valuable rights and privileges of the landlord. These I will mention to you when I see you, and when I have more time. I consequently must say, that in attempting to revive these rights, even while I was deputy-agent, the unjust odium that is falling upon me already, even while I had scarce time to move in them, ought rather to be—that is morally speaking—visited upon him who allowed them to lapse. Now that the fine old leases of the M'Loughlins and the Harmans, and others, have dropped, what can I do but study Lord Cumber's interest, in the first instance? Not but I would serve them if I could, and will if I can. I bear them no ill-feeling; and if they have joined in the calumnies and threats that are so unjustly uttered against me, what can I do, and what ought I do, but return good for evil? You, as a truly religious and pious man, will feel delighted to support me in this principle, and also to aid me in bearing it practically out. Any services of a similar kind that I can honestly and conscientiously render you—and none other would you accept—I shall be on my part delighted to offer. In the meantime, let me have your excellent advice as to the most efficient means of stifling the unreasonable murmurs that are rising among the people—and as touching M'Loughlin's and Harman's properties, I should be glad to see you, in order to consult upon what may or can be done for them, always compatibly with Lord Cumber's interests.

      “The pair of turkies which I send you are the result of my reviving one of his lordship's rights. They are duty-turkies, and I do not think they will eat the worse for the blessings which Darby O'Drive tells me accompanied them; at least I don't find they do.

      “All that I have yet written, however, is only preliminary; but now to business. I have received the letter which Lord Cumber transmitted to me, under your frank, in which I am appointed his head agent. He also is willing to accept the two thousand pounds on my own terms—that is, of course, as a loan, at the usual rate of interest. But don't you think, my dear M'Slime, that with respect to this large sum, an understanding might be entered into—or rather an arrangement made, in a quiet way, that would, I flatter myself, turn out of great ultimate advantage to his lordship. The truth is, that Lord Cumber, like most generous men, is very negligent of his own interests—at least much more so than he ought to be; and it would be most beneficial to him, in every sense, to have a person managing his estates, in the best possible condition to serve him. His property, in fact, is not represented