The English Spy: An Original Work Characteristic, Satirical, And Humorous. C. M. Westmacott

between a gentleman commoner, whom the party designated Pontius Pilate{23} and Tom Echo, relative to the comparative merits of their hunters, afforded me an opportunity of surveying the larium of my friend; the entrance to which was through a short passage, that served the varied purposes of an ante-room or vestibule, and a scout's pantry and boot-closet. On the right was the sleeping-room, and at the foot of a neat French bed I could perceive the wine bin, surrounded by a regiment of dead men{24} who had, no doubt, departed this life like heroes in some battle of Bacchanalian sculls. The principal chamber, the very penetrale of the Muses, was about six yards square, and low, with a rich carved oaken wainscoting, reaching to the ceiling; the monastic gloom being materially increased by two narrow loopholes, intended for windows, but scarcely yielding sufficient light to enable the student to read his Scapula or Lexicon{25} with the advantage of a meridian sun: the fire-place was immensely wide, emblematical, no doubt, of the capacious stomachs of the good fathers and fellows, the ancient inhabitants of this sanctum; but the most singularly-striking characteristic was the modern decorations, introduced by the present occupant.

      23 A quaint cognomen applied to him from the rapidity with

       which he boasted of repeating the Nicene Creed—i.e.

       offering a bet that no would give any man as far as "Pontius

       Pilate," and beat him before he got to the "resurrection of

       the dead."

       24 Dead Men—Empty bottles.

       25 Scapula, Hederic, and Lexicon, the principal

       Dictionaries in use for studying Greek.

       Over the fire-place hung a caricature portrait of a well-known Bachelor of Arts, drinking at the Pierian spring, versus gulping down the contents of a Pembroke overman,{26} sketched by the facetious pencil of the humorist, Rowlandson.

      ECCÈ SIGNUM.

      I could not help laughing to observe on the one side of this jolly personage a portrait of the little female Giovanni Vestris, under which some wag had inscribed, "A Mistress of Hearts," and on the other a full-length of Jackson the pugilist, with this motto—"A striking likeness of a fancy lecturer."

      26 An Herman—At Pembroke, a large silver tankard, holding

       two quarts and half a pint, so called from the donor, Mr.

       George Overman. The late John Hudson, the college tonsor

       and common room man,{*} was famous for having several times, for trifling wagers, drank a full overman of strong beer off at a draught. A Tun, another vessel in use at Pembroke, is a half pint silver cup. A Whistler, a silver pint tankard also in use there, was the gift of Mr. Anthony Whistler, a cotemporary with Shenstone. * Common room man, a servant who is entirely employed in attending upon the members of the common room. Junior common room, a room in every college, except Christ Church, set apart for the junior members to drink wine in and read the newspapers. N.B. There is but one common room at Christ Church; none but masters of arts and noblemen can be members of it—the latter but seldom attend. The last who attended was the late Duke of Dorset. All common rooms are regularly furnished with newspapers and magazines. Curator of the common rooms.-A senior master of arts, who buys the wine and inspects the accounts.

       In the centre of the opposite side hung the portrait of an old scout, formerly of Brazennose, whose head now forms the admission ticket to the college club. Right and left were disposed the plaster busts of Aristotle and Cicero; the former noseless, and the latter with his eyes painted black, and a huge pair of mustachios annexed. A few volumes of the Latin and Greek classics were thrown into a heap in one corner of the room, while numerous modern sporting publications usurped their places on the book shelves, richly gilt and bound in calf, but not lettered. The hunting cap, whip, and red coat were hung up like a trophy between two foxes' tails, which served the purpose of bell pulls. At this moment, my topographical observations were disturbed by the arrival of the scout with candles, and two strange-looking fellows in smock frocks, bringing in, as I supposed, a piano forte, but which, upon being placed on the table, proved to be a mere case: the top being taken off, the sides and ends let down in opposite directions, and the cloth pulled out straight, displayed an elegant dinner, smoking hot, and arranged in as much form as if the college butler had superintended the feast. "Come, old fellow," said Tom, "turn to—no ceremony. I hope, Jem," addressing his scout, "you took care that no college telegraph{27} was at work while you were smuggling the dinner in." "I made certain sure of that, sir," said Jem; "for I placed Captain Cook{28} sentinel at one corner of the quadrangle, and old Brady at the other, with directions to whistle, as a signal, if they saw any of the dons upon the look out."

      Finding we were not likely to be interrupted by the domine, Tom took the chair. The fellows in the smock frocks threw off their disguises, and proved to be two genteelly dressed waiters from one of the inns. "Close the oak, Jem," said Horace Eglantine, "and take care no one knocks in{29} before we have knocked down the contents of your master's musical melange." "Punning as usual, Eglantine," said the Honourable Mr. Sparkle, a gentleman commoner. "Yes; and pun-ishing too, old fellow!" said Horace. "Where's the cold tankard,{30} Echo?

      27 A college telegraph—A servant of a college, who carries

       an account of every trifling offence committed, either by

       gentlemen or servants, to the college officers.

       28 Well-known characters in Christ Church.

       29 Knocking in—Going into college after half-past ten at

       night. The names of the gentlemen who knock in are entered

       by the porter in a book kept for that purpose, and the next

       morning it is carried to the dean and censors, who generally

       call upon the parties so offending to account for being out

       of college at so late an hour. A frequent recurrence of this

       practice will sometimes draw from the dean a very severe

       reprimand.

       Knocking in money—Fines levied for knocking into college at

       improper hours: the first fine is fixed at half-past ten,

       and increased every half hour afterwards. These fines are

       entered on the batter book, and charged among the battels

       and decrements,* a portion of which is paid to the porter

       quarterly, for being knocked up.

       30 Cold tankard—A summer beverage, used at dinner, made of

       brandy, cider, or perry, lemons cut in slices, cold water,

       sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon, and the herbs balm and burridge.

       Sometimes sherry or port wine is substituted for cider. The

       tankard is put into a pitcher, which is iced in a tub,

       procured from the confectioners.

       * Decrements.—The use of knives, folks, spoons, and other

       necessaries, with the firing, &c. for the hall and chapel.

       We must give our old con, Blackmantle, a warm reception." "Sure, that's a Paddyism"{31} said a young Irish student. "Nothing of the sort," replied Horace: "are we not all here the sons of Isis (Ices)? and tell me where will you find a group of warmer hearted souls?" "Bravo! bravo!" shouted the party. "That fellow Eglantine will create another Pun-ic war," said Sparkle. "I move that we have him crossed in the buttery{32} for making us laugh during dinner, to the great injury of our digestive organs, and the danger of suffocation." "What! deprive an Englishman of his right to battel{33}" said Echo: "No; I would sooner inflict the orthodox fine of a double bumper of bishop." "Bravo!" said Horace: "then I plead guilty, and swallow the imposition." "I'll thank you for a cut out of the back of that lion,"{34} tittered a man