The English Spy: An Original Work Characteristic, Satirical, And Humorous. C. M. Westmacott

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       The eastern, northern, and part of the southern sides of the quadrangle are, I have been since informed, inhabited by the dean and canons; the western by students. The broad terrace in front of the buildings, the extent of the arena, and the circular basin of water in the centre, render this an agreeable promenade.—I had almost forgotten the deity of the place (I hope not symbolical), a leaden Mercury{2}; the gift of Dr. John Radcliffe, which rises from the centre of the basin, on the spot where once stood the sacred cross of St. Frideswide, and the pulpit of the reformer, Wickliffe.

      2 Since pulled down and destroyed.

THE DINNER PARTY.

       Table of Contents

      Bernard Blackmantles Visit to Tom Echo—Oxford Phraseology-

       Smuggled Dinners—A College Party described—Topography of a

       Man's Boom—Portrait of a Bachelor of Arts—Hints to

       Freshmen—Customs of the University.

       "When first the freshman, bashful, blooming, young, Blessings which here attend not handmaids long, Assumes that cap, which franchises the man, And feels beneath the gown dilate his span; When he has stood with modest glance, shy fear, And stiff-starch'd band before our prime vizier, And sworn to articles he scarcely knew, And forsworn doctrines to his creed all new: Through fancy's painted glass he fondly sees Monastic turrets, patriarchal trees, The cloist'ral arches' awe-inspiring shade, The High-street sonnetized by Wordsworth's jade, His raptured view a paradise regards, Nurseling of hope! he builds on paper cards."

      On the western side of Tom Quad, up one flight of stairs, by the porter's aid I discovered the battered oaken door which led to the larium of my friend Echo: that this venerable bulwark had sustained many a brave attack from besiegers was visible in the numerous bruises and imprints of hammers, crowbars, and other weapons, which had covered its surface with many an indented scar. The utmost caution was apparent in the wary scout,{1}

      1 A Scout, at Christ Church, performs the same duties for

       ten or twelve students as a butler and valet in a

       gentleman's family. There are no women bedmakers at any

       college except Christ Church, that duty being performed by

       the scout.

       who admitted me; a necessary precaution, as I afterwards found, to prevent the prying eye of some inquisitive domine, whose nose has a sort of instinctive attraction in the discovery of smuggled dinners.{2}

      Within I found assembled half a dozen good-humoured faces, all young, and all evidently partaking of the high flow of spirits and animated vivacity of the generous hearted Tom Echo. A college introduction is one of little ceremony, the surname alone being used—a practice, which, to escape quizzing, must also be followed on your card. "Here, old fellows," said Tom, taking me by the hand, and leading me forwards to his companions, "allow me to introduce an ex{3}-college man—Blackmantle of Brazennose, a freshman{4} and an Etonian: so, lay to him, boys; he's just broke loose from the Land of Sheepishness,{5} passed Pupils Straits{6} and the Isle of Matriculation{7} to follow Dads Will,{8} in the Port of Stuffs{9}; from which, if he can steer clear of the Fields of Temptation{10}

      2 Smuggled dinners are private parties in a student's room,

       when the dinner is brought into college from a tavern:

       various are the ingenious stratagems of the togati to elude

       the vigilance of the authorities: trunks, packing-boxes,

       violoncello-cases, and hampers are not unfrequently directed

       as if from a waggon or coach-office, and brought into

       college on the shoulders of some porter. Tin cans of soup

       are drawn up by means of a string from the back windows in

       the adjoining street. It is not long since Mr. C- of Christ

       Church was expelled for having a dinner smuggled into

       college precisely in the manner adopted by Tom Echo.

       3 A University man who is visiting in a college of which he

       is

       not a member.

       4 The usual phrase for initiating a freshman on his first

       appearance in a party or frisk.

       5 Land of Sheepishness—School-boy's bondage.

       6 Pupil's Straits—Interval between restraint and liberty.

       7 Isle of Matriculation—First entrance into the University.

       8 Dad's Will—Parental authority.

       9 Port for Stay's—Assumption of commoner's gown.

       10 Fields of Temptation—The attractions held out to him.

       he hopes to make the Land of Promise,{11} anchor his bark in the Isthmus of Grace,{12} and lay up snugly for life on the Land of Incumbents."{13} "For heaven's sake, Tom," said I," speak in some intelligible language; it's hardly fair to fire off your battery of Oxonian wit upon a poor freshman at first sight." At this moment a rap at the oak announced an addition to our party, and in bounded that light-hearted child of whim, Horace Eglantine:—"What, Blackmantle here? Why then, Tom, we can form as complete a trio as ever got bosky{14} with bishop{15} in the province of Bacchus,{16}! Why, what a plague, my old fellow, has given you that rueful-looking countenance? I am sure you was not plucked upon Maro Common or Homer Downs{17} in passing examination with the big wig this morning; or has Tom been frisking{18} you already with some of his jokes about the straits of independency{19}; the waste of ready{20}; the dynasty of Venus,{21} or the quicksands of rustication{22}.

      11 Land of Promise—The fair expectations of a steady novice

       in Oxford.

       12 Isthmus of Grace—Obtainment of the grace of one's

       college.

       13 Land of Incumbents—Good livings.

       14 Bosky is the term used in Oxford to express the style of

       being "half seas over."

       15 Bishop—A good orthodox mead composed of port wine and

       roasted oranges or lemons.

       16 Province of Bacchus—Inebriety.

       17 Maro Common and Homer Downs allude to the Æneid of

       Virgil and the Iliad of Homer—two books chiefly studied for

       the little-go or responsions.

       18 Frisking—Hoaxing.

       19 Straits of Independency—Frontiers of extravagance.

       20 Waste of Ready, including in it Hoyle's Dominions—

       Course of gambling, including Loo tables.

       21 Dynasty of Venus—Indiscriminate love and misguided

       affections.

       22 Quicksands of Rustication—On which our hero may at any

       time run foul when inclined to visit a new county.

       Cheer up, old fellow! you are not half way through the ceremony of initiation yet. We must brighten up that solemn phiz of yours, and give you a lesson or two on college principles? If I had been thrown upon some newly-discovered country, among a race of wild Indians, I could not have been more perplexed and confounded than I now felt in endeavouring to rally, and appear to comprehend this peculiar phraseology.

      A