The English Spy: An Original Work Characteristic, Satirical, And Humorous. C. M. Westmacott

As each day by its fellow doth glide.

       Adieu, honor'd masters! kind dames, fare thee well!

       Ye light-hearted spirits adieu!

       How feeble my Vale—my griev'd feelings to tell

       As Etona declines from my view.

      "Men are my subject, and not fictions vain;

       Oxford my chaunt, and satire is my strain."

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FIVE CHARACTERISTIC ORDERS OF OXFORD.

       Table of Contents

THE FRESHMAN.

       Table of Contents

      Reflections on leaving Eton—A University Whip—Sketches on

       the Road—The Joneses of Jesus—Picturesque Appearance of

       Oxford from the Distance—The Arrival—Welcome of an Old

       Etonian—Visit to Dr. Dingyman—A University Don—

       Presentation to the Big Wig—Ceremony of Matriculation.

       "Yes; if there be one sacred scene of ease,

       Where reason yet may dawn, and virtue please;

       Where ancient science bursts again to view

       With mightier truths, which Athens never knew,

       One spot to order, peace, religion dear;

       Rise, honest pride, nor blush to claim it here."

      Who shall attempt to describe the sensations of a young and ardent mind just bursting from the trammels of scholastic discipline to breathe the purer air of classic freedom—to leap at once from boyhood and subjection into maturity and unrestricted liberty of conduct; or who can paint the heart's agitation, the conflicting passions which prevail when the important moment arrives that is to separate him from the associates of his infancy; from the endearing friendships of his earliest years; from his schoolboy sports and pastimes (often the most grateful recollections of a riper period); or from those ancient spires and familiar scenes to which his heart is wedded in its purest and earliest love.

      Reader, if you have ever tasted of the delightful cup of youthful friendship, and pressed with all the glow of early and sincere attachment the venerable hand of a kind instructor, or met the wistful eye and hearty grasp of parting schoolfellows, and ancient dames, and obliging servants, you will easily discover how embarrassing a task it must be to depict in words the agitating sensations which at such a moment spread their varied influence over the mind. I had taken care to secure the box seat of the old Oxford, that on my approach I might enjoy an uninterrupted view of the classic turrets and lofty spires of sacred {Academus}. Contemplation had fixed his seal upon my young lips for the first ten miles of my journey. Abstracted and thoughtful, I had scarce turned my eye to admire the beauties of the surrounding scenery, or lent my ear to the busy hum of my fellow passengers' conversation, when a sudden action of the coach, which produced a sensation of alarm, first broke the gloomy mist that had encompassed me. After my fears had subsided, I inquired of the coachman what was the name of the place we had arrived at, and was answered Henley.-"Stony Henley, sir," said our driver: "you might have discovered that by the bit of a shake we just now experienced. I'll bet a bullfinch{1} that you know the place well enough, my young master, before you've been two terms at Oxford."

      1 A sovereign.

      This familiarity of style struck me as deserving reprehension; but I reflected this classic Jehu was perhaps licensed by the light-hearted sons of Alma Mater in these liberties of speech. Suspending therefore my indignation, I proceeded—"And why so?" said I inquisitively:—"Why I know when I was an under graduate{2} of——, where my father was principal, I used to keep a good prad here for a bolt to the village,{3} and then I had a fresh hack always on the road to help me back to chapel prayers."{4} The nonchalance of the speaker, and the easy indifference with which he alluded to his former situation in life, struck me with astonishment, and created a curiosity to know more of his adventures; he had, I found, brought himself to his present degradation by a passion for gaming and driving, which had usurped every just and moral feeling. His father, I have since learned, felt his conduct deeply, and had been dead some time. His venerable mother having advanced him all her remaining property, was now reduced to a dependence upon the benevolence of a few liberal-minded Oxford friends, and this son of the once celebrated head of————college was now so lost to every sense of shame that he preferred the Oxford road to exhibit himself on in his new character of a {university whip}.

      2 The circumstances here narrated are unfortunately too

       notorious to require further explanation: the character,

       drawn from the life, forms the vignette to this chapter.

       3 A cant phrase for a stolen run to the metropolis. No

       unusual circumstance with a gay Oxonian, some of whom have

       been known to ride the same horse the whole distance and

       back again after prayers, and before daylight the next

       morning.

       4 When (to use the Oxford phrase) a man is confined to

       chapel, or compelled to attend chapel prayers, it is a

       dangerous risk to be missing—a severe imposition and

       sometimes rustication is sure to be the penalty.

       Immediately behind me on the roof of the vehicle sat a rosy-looking little gentleman, the rotundity of whose figure proclaimed him a man of some substance; he was habited in a suit of clerical mixture, with the true orthodox hat and rosette in front, the broadness of its brim serving to throw a fine mellow shadow over the upper part of a countenance, which would have formed a choice study for the luxuriant pencil of some modern Rubens; the eyes were partially obscured in the deep recesses of an overhanging brow, and a high fat cheek, and the whole figure brought to my recollection a representation I had somewhere seen of Silenus reproving his Bacchanals: the picture was the more striking by the contrasted subjects it was opposed to: on one side was a spare-looking stripling, of about the age of eighteen, with lank hair brushed smoothly over his forehead, and a demure, half-idiot-looking countenance, that seemed to catch what little expression it had from the reflection of its sire, for such I discovered was the ancient's affinity to this cadaverous importation from North Wales. The father, a Welsh rector of at least one hundred and fifty pounds per annum, was conveying his eldest born to the care of the principal of Jesus, of which college the family of the Joneses{5} had been a leading name since the time of their great ancestor Hugh ap Price, son of Rees ap Rees, a wealthy burgess of Brecknock, who founded this college for the sole use of the sons of Cambria, in 1571.

      5 DAVID JONES OR, WINE AND WORSTED.

       Hugh Morgan, cousin of that Hugh

       Whose cousin was, the Lord knows who,

       Was likewise, as the story runs,

       Tenth cousin of one David Jones.

       David, well stored with classic knowledge,