The Life You Left. Carmel Harrington

way. I was up at the Finch’s house earlier with their post. Didn’t see anyone but the drive was full of cars. Can’t imagine what it must be like for them all.’

      ‘No parent should bury a child.’ Sarah said softly. ‘I’m not sure I’d cope myself.’

      ‘Funeral has been set apparently. On Sunday night she’ll be going to the church. Then the Funeral mass will be on Monday. They are waking her at the house on Sunday all day. God, it’s an awful business.’ He shook his head as if trying to shake the sad news out of it.

      ‘That it is Joey. Thanks for the news on the funeral. I hadn’t heard yet. I know that Art said that the school would be shut on the day of the funeral and the kids would do a guard of honour. Her parents asked for that. Not sure how I’m going to get Katie and Tommy through it all to be honest. They’re scared witless and not sure how to deal with it all. They’ve never lost anyone close before you see. They were too young when their Granddaddy Thomas died.’

      ‘You’ll get them through it. You’re a great Mam. I’ve seen you with them.’ Joey said. Then he blushed, shy suddenly at this admission.

      ‘Thanks, that’s kind of you to say. What about you, Joey?’ Sarah asked him. ‘Have you any children yourself?’

      Sarah asked this question partly to keep the conversation going, and partly to try and understand a bit more about his home life. Although Joey had been delivering post for years to Sarah she knew so little about him. She felt slightly ashamed about that.

      Joey sighed before answering, ‘No children, not a one. I never married. Sure who’d have me? Just me and my auld dog, Benji.’

      Sarah immediately felt a wave of intense loneliness overcome her. This was followed by sadness, vulnerability and fear. All of a sudden she felt Joey’s memories flood her mind.

       Joey is with his dog Benji – his best friend; there is an incredible bond between them. She sees Joey talking to Benji, playing with him, walking him. Every day Benji sits looking out his window, waiting for his beloved master to return home from work. They are devoted to each other. Suddenly Benji runs out onto the road chasing a ball. Thud! A car smashes into him. Joey is now at the vet’s and the vet tells him that Benji should be put down; there are just too many injuries to save him. Joey is saying no. He begs the vet to do anything to save him. But Benji is in such pain he knows he has no choice. He makes the heart wrenching decision to have him put down, tears running down his face as he holds him close. ‘Goodbye old pal,’ he whispers as he strokes his coat.

      Oh my God, she couldn’t bear it. It was just too sad. She had no idea if Benji was dead already.

      ‘Sarah, are you ok?’ Joey said with concern. ‘You’re crying.’

      Sarah was mortified. ‘I’m so sorry.’ Sarah wanted to put her arms around Joey. She had to step backwards away from him before her impulse took over and she gave the poor postman the fright of his life. ‘It must be the funeral and all that. It’s making me cry at the drop of a hat.’

      ‘I’m not embarrassed to say I felt a lump in my throat too.’ Joey said awkwardly. ‘Go on in and have a cup of tea. I know it’s hard for you, here on your own.’ He moved forward as if to pat her arm, but thought better of it and stepped back awkwardly.

      ‘I’m grand, honestly. Just being silly that’s all. It is hard on my own sometimes, especially after what happened to Rachel. Plus Paul isn’t at home at the moment, so I’m a little bit on edge.’ She admitted and then made a conscious decision to pull herself together. She had a job to do.

      ‘Do you have any other family, nieces or nephews?’ Sarah continued.

      ‘I was an only child, so I was. And Mam and Daddy are both dead now, may they Rest in Peace. Sure it’s just me now.’

      ‘That must be hard for you.’

      He looked at Sarah, wondering what her motive was for all of a sudden asking him questions. But he only saw kindness in her face.

      ‘Ah, I get by. Some weekends are hard but I have Benji. I know a lot of people think I’m soft, but that dog is family to me. I don’t know how he works out the time, but every day when I come home he’s sitting at the window, waiting for me. He’s there every day watching for me to pull into the drive. And you know something, seeing him there each day, well that just makes my day, so it does.’

      ‘That’s not soft at all. Benji is a lucky dog to have you. ’ Sarah said touching Joey’s hand gently. Tears flooded her eyes again, the relief that Benji was still alive overcoming her.

      ‘Maybe we’re both lucky. And this job has kept me going all these years too. Meeting lovely people like you every day, well, sure that’s all the company anyone could ask for.’

      Sarah gulped. He was such a lovely man, why had she never taken the time to speak to him before today? He was going to be devastated when Benji died. That’s what would cause it. The loneliness would just put him over the edge.

      ‘Well we’d all be lost without you.’ Sarah said fervently. ‘You’re a great postman.’

      ‘Thanks.’ Joey said chuffed with himself, with the praise. ‘Better keep going or the rest of my route won’t think the same thing! Have a good day, Sarah. Don’t be worrying about those kids of yours. They’ll be fine. You will too.’ He nodded, almost tipping his forehead as he did and smiled as he walked away.

      It was soon time for Sarah to head to work, after dropping the kids to school and Ella to Rita’s. She was finding it really difficult to think about anything except Joey though. There had to be something she could do to help him get through the difficult time he was facing.

      Her shift at the boutique she worked in went very quickly, thankfully. Sometimes it dragged but it had been busy all day, with lots of people in looking at the end of season sale rails. Before she knew it she was clocking off, her feet were killing her and it was time to pick up the kids from Rita’s.

      ‘Time for a cuppa?’ Rita asked, alarmed when she saw how tired Sarah looked. She figured that Sarah would say no, because lately she always did, always rushing. But to her complete surprise, Sarah agreed to come in.

      ‘How’s that handsome brother of yours?’ Rita asked with a smile as she poured the tea.

      ‘Big and bold. You know what he’s like.’ Sarah replied smiling.

      ‘Any sign of him settling down?’

      Sarah laughed as she answered, ‘Not James. He’s still playing the field. There’s nobody special at all’.

      Taking a sip of her tea, Sarah asked Rita in a whisper, ‘Have you heard from Paul recently?’

      Rita started to wipe the counter furiously. She looked agitated by the question.

      ‘You’ll wear a hole in the counter if you don’t stop.’ Sarah said to her mother-in-law. Rita dropped the cloth and turned to her.

      ‘He rang yesterday as it happens.’ Rita answered finally. ‘He was asking after the kids and you.’

      ‘Where is he?’ Sarah answered. ‘It’s been over a month now. I’ve given him as much space as I’m prepared to do. His children need him, now more than ever, what with Rachel Finch and everything. And I need some help financially. I’m struggling.’

      Rita was pale. ‘I know. It must be difficult.’ Rita was so embarrassed by her son’s actions. She couldn’t make head or tail of it.

      ‘No, you don’t know. It’s not just difficult. I’m broke. I’ve used up all our savings, what little we had left in the account that is! I don’t earn enough at the boutique to support us. Christmas won’t be long coming round – with three kids, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it. I had to say no to Tommy last week when he asked me for new boots for his soccer. He was in tears about it. And Ella is outgrowing all her clothes. I need to buy winter bits for her now.’ Sarah blurted