Would You Rather...? The Big Book. Justin Heimberg

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      Published by Seven Footer Press

      247 West 30th Street, 11th Floor

      New York, NY 10001

      First Printing, October 2010

      10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

      © Copyright Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg, 2010

      All Rights Reserved

      Would You Rather…?® is a registered trademark used under license

      from Falls Media LLC, an Imagination company.

      Design by Thomas Schirtz

      Cover design by Junko Miyakoshi

      ISBN 978-1-93473-483-4

      Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no parts of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

       www.sevenfooterpress.com

       ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      Big Thanks to the following people for their contributions: Paul Katz, Jonathan Stokes, Steve Harwood, Eric Immerman, and Jason Heimberg. Thanks, as always, to Tom Schirtz for his sleek, lightning-quick design and his always entertaining schadenfreude. Thanks to Robert Kempe and Junko Miyakoshi for their constant hard work. Thanks to David Zuckerman for his watchful eye. And thank you most of all to our lord and savior, Ralph Sampson, for his inspiration and strength.

       DISACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      We would like to disacknowledge people who say “you have reached… (then they just say the number you just dialed)”, Comcast for their shoddy service and iron-grip monopoly, and that guy who wouldn’t give us the eggplant parmesan for no reason.

       HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

      Sit around with a bunch of friends and read a question out loud. Discuss the advantages and drawbacks of each option before making a choice. Stretch, twist, and otherwise abuse your imagination to think of the multitude of ways the choice could affect you. The question is merely a springboard for your conversation.

      Everybody must choose. As the Deity proclaims, YOU MUST CHOOSE! Once everyone has chosen, move on to the next question. It’s that simple.

      If you receive a question directed at females, and you are a male (or vice-versa), you can do one of several things: a) move on to another question, b) answer the question anyway, or c) freak out.

      On occasion, we have provided some “things to consider” when making your decisions, but do not restrict yourself to those subjects when debating. There are no limits with this book. Think big. Imagine big. Laugh big.

       TABLE OF CONTENTS

Who’d You Rather…?

Bad Breaks: Weird, Wild, and Warped

Powers

Sex Change

       Embarrassing Episodes

       Prediction: Pain

       Live In A World Where…

       Work and Office

       Who’d You Rather…? (Non-Sexual)

       Would You Rather…? For Women

       Would You Rather…? For Men

       Gross — Grover Cleveland

       Random/“Random”

       What Would You Be?

       Fantasies

       Would You…?

       Privileges and Possessions

       Deaths, Inconveniences, and Other Things That Suck

       Fun Questions for Your Church Youth Group

       Who’d You Rather…? Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

      

       WHO’D YOU RATHER…?

      Across the animal kingdom, choosing an appropriate mate is vital to help ensure the survival of a species. Male humpback whales race in an array of flips and stunts so the female can select the mate with the strongest genes, while peacocks fan their magnificent tail feathers to show peahens who’s got the most impressive plumed booty. For human beings, choosing a mate (whether it’s for life or for a one night stand) is also a skill that must be honed. While the survival of the species may not be at stake, the survival of your self-respect, dignity, and disease-free genitals might be. With this in mind, we offer you the chance to sharpen your natural selection skills, by serving up these difficult dilemmas concerning possible partners. As always, you must choose. Abstinence is not an option.

       Would you rather…

      have sex with Heidi Montag

       OR

      Susan Boyle if you had to then listen to each of them sing for six hours straight?

       Would you rather…

      have sex with Brad Pitt if he gained 150 pounds

       OR

      Jeff Foxworthy?

       Would you rather…

      do the Mac commercial guy and get $5000 worth of PC products

       OR

      do the PC guy and get $20,000 worth of Mac products?

       Would you rather…

      have sex with Kim Kardashian

       OR

      Ashley Olsen if they exchanged butts?

       Would you rather have phone sex with…

      Tracy Morgan OR Alex Trebek?

      T-Pain OR Al Gore?

      the banker from Deal or No Deal OR Oscar the Grouch?

       Would you rather…

      have phone sex with Alicia Keys OR Sarah Silverman?

      Megan Fox after inhaling helium OR Chelsea Handler?

      Tyra Banks OR JK Rowling?

      a telemarketer who is trying to sell you something during the phone sex OR someone who subsequently requires you to answer a ten minute survey about your call?

       Would you rather…

      have a partner who will only give you oral sex if you do the “Vrrroooom! Here comes the airplane!” thing with your penis

       OR

      a partner who automatically shifts into an uncannily