The Complete Satires & Essays of Mark Twain. Марк Твен

I will never yield! You have got to stop me by force. Have I the floor?

      P. “Representative Wolf, what kind of behavior is this? I call you to order again. You should have some regard for your dignity.”

      Dr. Lecher speaks on. Wolf turns upon him with an offensive innuendo.

      Dr. Lecher. “Mr. Wolf, I beg you to refrain from that sort of suggestions.” Storm of hand-clapping from the Right.

      This was applause from the enemy, for Lecher himself, like Wolf, was an Obstructionist.

      Wolf growls to Lecher: “You can scribble that applause in your album!”

      P. “Once more I call Representative Wolf to order! Do not forget that you are a Representative, sir!”

      Wolf (slam-banging with his desk-board). “I will force this matter! Are you going to grant me the floor, or not?”

      And still the sergeant-at-arms did not appear. It was because there wasn’t any. It is a curious thing, but the Chair has no effectual means of compelling order.

      After some more interruptions:

      Wolf (banging with his board). “I demand the floor. I will not yield!”

      P. “I have no recourse against Representative Wolf. In the presence of behavior like this it is to be regretted that such is the case.” A shout from the Right, “Throw him out!”

      It is true, he had no effective recourse. He had an official called an “Ordner,” whose help he could invoke in desperate cases, but apparently the Ordner is only a persuader, not a compeller. Apparently he is a sergeant-at-arms who is not loaded; a good enough gun to look at, but not valuable for business.

      For another twenty or thirty minutes Wolf went on banging with his board and demanding his rights; then at last the weary President threatened to summon the dread order-maker. But both his manner and his words were reluctant. Evidently it grieved him to have to resort to this dire extremity. He said to Wolf, “If this goes on, I shall feel obliged to summon the Ordner, and beg him to restore order in the House.”