THE COMEDY OF ERRORS. William Shakespeare

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

       PINCH.

       I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man,

       To yield possession to my holy prayers,

       And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:

       I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.

       ADRIANA.

       O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       You minion, you, are these your customers?

       Did this companion with the saffron face

       Revel and feast it at my house to-day,

       Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,

       And I denied to enter in my house?

       ADRIANA.

       O husband, God doth know you din’d at home,

       Where would you had remain’d until this time,

       Free from these slanders and this open shame!

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       I din’d at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Were not my doors lock’d up and I shut out?

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       Perdy, your doors were lock’d and you shut out.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       And did not she herself revile me there?

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       Sans fable, she herself revil’d you there.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       Certes, she did: the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       And did not I in rage depart from thence?

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       In verity, you did;—my bones bear witness,

       That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

       ADRIANA.

       Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?

       PINCH.

       It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein,

       And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Thou hast suborn’d the goldsmith to arrest me.

       ADRIANA.

       Alas! I sent you money to redeem you,

       By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       Money by me! heart and goodwill you might,

       But surely, master, not a rag of money.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Went’st not thou to her for purse of ducats?

       ADRIANA.

       He came to me, and I deliver’d it.

       LUCIANA.

       And I am witness with her that she did.

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       God and the rope-maker, bear me witness

       That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

       PINCH.

       Mistress, both man and master is possess’d;

       I know it by their pale and deadly looks:

       They must be bound, and laid in some dark room.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?—

       And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

       ADRIANA.

       I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       And, gentle master, I receiv’d no gold;

       But I confess, sir, that we were lock’d out.

       ADRIANA.

       Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;

       And art confederate with a damned pack,

       To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:

       But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes

       That would behold in me this shameful sport.

       [PINCH and assistants bind ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and DROMIO OF EPHESUS.]

       ADRIANA.

       O, bind him, bind him; let him not come near me.

       PINCH.

       More company;—the fiend is strong within him.

       LUCIANA.

       Ah me, poor man! how pale and wan he looks!

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,

       I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them

       To make a rescue?

       OFFICER.

       Masters, let him go:

       He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

       PINCH.

       Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too.

       ADRIANA.

       What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?

       Hast thou delight to see a wretched man

       Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

       OFFICER.

       He is my prisoner: if I let him go,

       The debt he owes will be requir’d of me.

       ADRIANA.

       I will discharge thee ere I go from thee;

       Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,

       And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.

       Good master doctor, see him safe convey’d

       Home to my house.—O most unhappy day!

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       O most unhappy strumpet!

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

       Master, I am here enter’d in bond for you.

       ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

       Out on thee, villian! wherefore dost thou mad me?

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master; cry, the devil.— LUCIANA.

       God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

       ADRIANA.

       Go bear him hence.—Sister, go you with me.—

       [Exeunt PINCH and Assistants, with ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and

       DROMIO OF EPHESUS.]

       Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

       OFFICER.

       One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?

       ADRIANA.

       I know