And God Created the Au Pair. Pascale Smets

which Nell has been quite cutting about & have spent about 60% of time in either Gap Kids or fantastic vintage hardware store. Nell’s house FABULOUS. Obviously dreadfully naff but warm & comfortable, with climate control 24 hrs a day rather than stupid turn-off at night central heating (although Nell complaining that the glue on all her chairs has died & they are falling apart now they have been removed from damp London smog, also her piano has gone completely weird because of change in atmosphere). Kitchen floor is polished granite & therefore bit of a hazard as Hugh has tiresome tendency to surreptitiously struggle china dishes out of low cupboards when we’re not looking and then drop them so they smash (adorable little scamp). You’re right about Dan, he’s fully aware there is no point to him when we’re not around. Always euphoric for 1st day or so after we go off but novelty of WWII videos & Indian takeaways palls quite quickly, leaving him with tragic realisation that there isn’t more to life than wiping bums & noses & that is in fact his raison d’etre. Re pedicure/manicure for Dan, unlikely as Dan considers changing his socks the height of good grooming. Have a lovely Christmas Day. I’ll phone on your b’day. Love C

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Louise Corrigan

      Re: Happy Birthday

      

      Hope you’re having a nice day, tried calling earlier. Have tiny present that I will attempt to sensibly post from here rather than London (flying back tomorrow to host Millennium New Year’s Eve party). How was your Christmas Day? Ours fine until the evening, I had spent whole afternoon preparing Christmas dinner with Nell while gradually feeling sicker & sicker, unable to eat it as felt so nauseous, instead sadly watched from sofa until others halfway through meal & then had to rush off to be sick. As Nell’s house v open-plan & what doors & walls there are appear to be made of hollow card, vomiting could clearly be heard in dining room. Dan came to check on me & said everyone (apart from Hugh) had gone v quiet & stopped eating … hearing anybody throw up superb appetite suppressant. Anyway am fine now & nobody else appears to have got it. Much love C

      

      From: Nell Fenton

      To: Rachel Lockwood

      

      Dear Rachel, how was Christmas? Ours was lovely. Was really glad they all came out, would have felt v homesick otherwise. The children were so excited about everything that by Christmas Eve was concerned they might actually burst. V sad to say goodbye to them all when they left this morning. You’ll definitely have to come and visit at Easter, am eager to encourage the people I am fond of to come and stay, have been receiving lots of threats of visits from all sorts of grim people. Being a useless godmother have of course not yet sent Jonathan a Christmas present. Are aeroplanes still his thing or has he transferred his affections? Love Nell

      

      From: Rachel Lockwood

      To: Nell Fenton

      

      Dear Nell

      

      So glad you had such a nice Christmas. Ours was a bit of a strain, we went to Jack’s parents who are very well meaning but so formal and uptight it’s impossible to relax. Jack is not himself at all when he’s around them, he adopts this false jollity which frankly makes me want to kick him. Mind you, I want to kick him most of the time these days, he’s so bloody difficult. His mother also has many, many little china ornaments dotted around the place and I can feel the tension coming off her in waves whenever Jonathan is anywhere near them though he’s really good about not touching anything. Jack kept buggering off on walks by himself leaving me in tete-a-tete with his parents. I really don’t know why he makes us go there, he doesn’t enjoy it any more than me but we had Christmas with Mum and Dad last year so I couldn’t say no. They’re also terribly disapproving of the amount he drinks – not that it made any difference.

      

      I’m still hoping to come for Easter, though Jack changes his mind about it every time I bring it up which is infuriating. I’m seriously considering coming without him, it would be cheaper and we have no money as usual. Jonathan is still crazy about aeroplanes. I’ll let you know as soon as I manage to get my act together about this visit.

      

      Fondest love to all

      Rachel xx

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      

      Flight back fine though Ellie complaining of stomach ache & had an upset stomach, awkward as flight v full so had to keep barging to front of loo queues & mime ‘child with diarrhoea’ to other passengers as Ellie too embarrassed for me to say it. Weather really gloomy & damp here (except in living room where must have been v dry in our absence as my ‘no needle drop’ Christmas tree has become extremely parched & bald). Would just take it down but need some festive decoration of living room for millennium dinner.

      

      Did you hear about Anna’s Christmas? Mum said it was lovely, house v chaotic & untidy but beautifully decorated with handmade paper snowflakes & stars. Unfortunately, fucking Toulouse-Lautrec managed to drag the turkey onto the floor in the 5 secs Mum had her back turned. Hardly ate any as Mum & Anna immediately wrestled it off him. Luckily no one else saw it happen so they just washed it and stuck it in the Aga. Missing drumstick did excite some comment when it came to the table but Anna told everyone it was a disabled turkey & it was rude to comment.

      

      Can’t be arsed to think about millennium dinner which is alarming & unlike me. Feel v grumpy & premenstrual. Any snow yet?

      

      From: Nell Fenton

      To: Charlotte Bailey

      

      Perhaps you’re pregnant, take a test. Poor little Ellie. Next time I see you you must show me how you mime diarrhoea. It is a skill no one should be without. When I flew to South Africa for Charlie and Julia’s wedding, Josie had the most awful diarrhoea and went through all the nappies I had brought in about the first three hours. When I asked the air stewardess if they had any spare nappies she smiled helpfully and brought me some newborn nappies which didn’t even begin to cover Josie’s v chunky two-and-a-half-yr-old bottom. Ironically, she had really bad constipation on the flight home and stood in the aisle crying and saying, ‘it won’t come down.’ I think by the end everyone in the vicinity was rooting for us and felt tremendous relief and satisfaction when a vile smell filled the air.

      

      Massive snowfall last night, by the way.

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      

      Our millennium dinner has become SE London epicentre for all strays & waifs. People keep phoning to ask if they can bring a friend who has nowhere else to go. ‘Friend bringing’ useful bargaining tool though, got Joe to locate & buy truffles for me, for the savoy cabbage & truffle soup I shall be serving. Truffles & recently divorced, depressive friend will be his & Fran’s contribution to the evening. Have recovered my spirits menuwise & am planning v British food (apart from truffles & wine obviously). Terrified that Geraldine despite strict instructions to only bring British cheese will ruin theme by bringing Brie or something. Don’t know why I’m going to all this trouble frankly. New Year’s Eve so overrated. All that pressure to do something marvellously fun & even worse on the millennium.

       JANUARY 00

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      Re: New Millennium

      

      How