Happy Baby, Happy Family: Learning to trust yourself and enjoy your baby. Sarah Beeson

of which requires a lot of effort on their part – it’s no wonder they get grumpy.

      How much your baby weighs can be a great source of anxiety for some mothers; it seems to be the one question people keep asking, often followed by, ‘That’s not much,’ or ‘What a whopper. What are you feeding them?’ The pressure for babies to gain weight from family and friends can seem to dominate those early visits, but it is only one indicator of how well a baby is feeding. For instance, long babies or very active babies might put less weight on. Both small and big babies get a lot of weight-related comments, and mums sometimes feel that their Little One doesn’t weigh enough or needs to lose weight.

      If your baby is still having lots of wet and dirty nappies and is feeding well and is content, it is fine to let them go at their own pace – they’ll gain in the time that is right for them, and sometimes it is unreasonable to expect them to do this in the immediate postnatal period. Some babies take up to two weeks to regain their birth weight, but if your baby is not keen to suckle and not feeding well, then get them checked at the doctor’s in case jaundice is making your baby sleepy and is affecting their intake of milk.

      Mostly, with perseverance and patience they will start to put weight on – then keeping pace with their appetite will be your next challenge! Don’t forget: if they are weighed with a full tummy, having just fed and not having pooed yet, they will weigh a little more than a baby who has filled their nappy and is waiting for a feed.

      3rd sign: lots of dirty nappies

      Well-fed babies produce lots of dirty nappies. Monitor the frequency, quantity and colour of nappies – if lots of brimming mustard-coloured nappies are coming your way, you can be confident that your baby is getting enough to eat.

      The first poos a baby does are the meconium stools which usually last for about three days or so. Usually on the third or fourth day this poo will change to a lighter colour with a more greenish look. Babies also get lots of wind passing through them at both ends. When your baby is past the fourth or fifth day they will do about two or more poos every day, usually just small amounts to start.

      Your baby will wet and fill most nappies in the early weeks, and the stools are often very soft liquid and bright yellow like the colour of mustard. They can be frothy as well and shoot out onto the changing mat, all of which is normal (watch out for those exploding nappies!). Yellow poos tell us the baby is getting all the milk they need including the rich hind milk, which is responsible for that golden colour, and it is reassuring to know your baby is emptying the breast to get it. So, changing lots of nappies is a good thing – I promise.

      The number of dirty nappies is important because if your baby weren’t getting enough milk you’d notice a light green stool that would only stain the nappy, as there wouldn’t be enough poo to fill it up. To get a baby back on track, more frequent feeds are needed – and if they were only taking one side, now is the time to ensure your baby feeds from both breasts at most feeds.

      Darker grey/green with yellow poos do sometimes occur when the baby is a bit older – this is not a problem. The poo looks a bit mixed, somewhere between green and yellow, and can resemble little grains like rice. Some mums say this looks like tiny leaves. This poo is not a hunger stool and is fine.

      Change Bag Essentials

      Nipple gel

      Breastfeeding pads

      Shawl

      Bottle of water for you

      Travel pillow

      Muslin

      Nappies

      Wipes

      Nappy bags

      Spare set of baby clothes

      Older babies often poo less

      In the early days there is an endless stream of dirty nappies, but as your baby gets older you may notice they don’t do as many poos in a day, and then just poo every other day. It can often be they do three to five dirty nappies a day for a few weeks, then it goes down to two or three a day, and by 12–14 weeks some babies only do one dirty nappy a day, or even go several days without one (though some babies will always do several poos a day – just to keep you on your toes).

      At this stage if there are still lots of wet nappies to change, you’ll know everything is normal and your baby is being very efficient with the digestion of the milk and making fewer waste products. It may seem alarming that a baby does this, but it is normal in a fully breastfed baby before they are weaned onto solid foods.

      This often happens from 10–12 weeks and in other babies at 16–20 weeks. Just be prepared that when they don’t go for a little while, when they go, they really go! If you are out and about, have plenty of spare nappies, wipes and a clean set of clothes – nearly all mums experience their baby’s poo explosion just at the most inconvenient moment. Every baby should produce lots of wet nappies a day – if your Little One does not have several wet nappies, or if the wee looks dark, do go and see your doctor or a health professional to see if there is a problem.

      How often should I feed my baby?

      This is another question new mums have a lot of anxiety over, and understandably so. The health and well-being of your baby is a big responsibility, and you want to feel confident about the choices you make about how best to care for your baby. Getting the feeding right is where it all starts, so it’s good you are asking yourself this question – now here’s the information you need to put your mind at rest that you are doing a great job.

      It is normal for a newborn baby to feed every two to three hours (timing it from when you started the feed, not when you finished it). Your new baby’s little stomach is the same size as their clenched fist, so they can only comfortably hold a small amount of milk in their tummy and then they will be ready for more – they really do need to feed that often.

      Your baby is driven by an inner clock that demands food and cannot wait – they will scream, suck their fingers and work themselves up into a frenzy when they get hungry. All the while you have to get yourself a drink, go to the loo and get ready to feed again. Understandably it can be difficult to feel relaxed, but do take those few minutes you need to get ready before you start the feed, and then you’ll be in a better position to feed your baby for as long as they want and as often as they want. If your baby is crying while you are getting ready to feed, ask your partner, a relative or a friend to help calm the baby using the Up-Down Technique (see Chapter 3, Sleep, Calming and Creating Your Own Routine). The calmer the baby is, the more likely they are to latch on with ease.

      The gap between feeds will get longer as the weeks and months go by, and your baby will become more efficient at getting the milk they need. It can be helpful for you and your family to acknowledge to yourselves that your baby cannot practise patience but you all can. When your baby gets upset it is not that they don’t like you or you are not doing a good job – just that your Little One can only focus on getting their own needs met and isn’t aware that you need to eat, drink, wash and sleep as well.

      This demanding time is temporary, and in retrospect you’ll feel like it went by in a flash, though at the time when you are sleep-deprived and exhausted it may not feel that way. That’s why reminding yourself regularly of all you’ve achieved – bringing your baby into the world and sustaining them completely by the milk you give them is simply amazing. Recognising the wonderful, positive things you are doing for your child and family will increase your ability to cope and increase your own sense of well-being. It’ll be even better if your partner, family and friends tell you what a great mum you are, too (hint, hint).

      As time goes by your confidence in your ability to interpret your baby’s needs will grow. As you get more practice at caring for your baby it will become a little easier day by day, and you’ll feel less anxious about getting things right and be more able to go with the flow. I believe knowing what to expect and shaping your day around the needs of your baby is a really good thing. You may hear people talk a lot about routines – though in my experience tiny babies do not have a strict routine, they don’t follow a timetable. After all, each