Intertwined Fates. Ariana Bazhenova

near one of the cabinets, Leo took out a sheet of paper with sketches of the interface and calculations, chaotically applied by his hand, from the far shelf. Then he put it on the table and motioned for me to come over.

      – These are my calculations, which now need to be systematized. Look, what is the principle. Do you see these lines drawn in dotted lines?…

      He enthusiastically began to explain to me the principles of working with code and the interface. But seeing that, despite the sincere interest in my look, two deep lines ran between my eyebrows – I frowned, not understanding what he was talking about – he changed the course of his explanation and began to tell me the process of creating a program from scratch, simultaneously sketching out diagrams in a notebook. Then he darted off somewhere and came back, handing me a small metal plate. I carefully took it in my hands and began to examine it in the light, afraid to carelessly touch something with my nails. Leo continued his explanation, after which he carefully took the plate from me – for a couple of seconds our fingers touched, and warmth spread through my hand, quickly taking over my whole body. We turned warm glances of brown eyes on each other and smiled shyly.

      I glanced at the laboratory staff: they were sitting at their small sections of the tables, entering something into computers or writing calculations on drawings. Some of them, mostly girls, raised their heads and openly looked at me – incomprehension was read in their gaze. «Well, let them look at me and think who I am, for whom their boss dropped his business and gave a tour.» I knew how quickly rumors spread in the corporation, behind those concrete walls with barbed wire, and I was prepared for the fact that they would start whispering and guessing about us. I was not afraid of gossip – in my life, they had never touched me. And this time, they did not appear even after months of our closeness with Leo. Or the gossip was passed on too secretly and did not touch, did not tarnish us, even when we too openly demonstrated our closeness to each other.

      We both looked a little unsociable and strange, kept aloof from everyone, immersed in our thoughts. As it turned out later, a similar fate befell us both in our university years – our peers considered us «too smart» and a little avoided us. It seemed that gossip passed us by now too.

      Leo gestured for me to enter a small, cluttered room in the corner of the laboratory. «And this is a centrifuge,» he waved his hand in the direction of a large round apparatus that reached my waist. «It’s needed so that…» I turned around, listening attentively to his explanation. We were alone in this cramped room, and my heart began to pound wildly again.

      A smile touched my lips, and I concentrated on his speech, pondering every word and nodding encouragingly. Where attention goes, energy goes, so I was now giving it to Leo, encouraging his enthusiastic story. Being a natural teacher, he had worked as a teacher at the university for many years before this moment, and now he occasionally taught computer science lessons for children at school.

      Being natural teachers with him, we were also good listeners, so now I gave him space to show himself – to give a short excursion on his favorite work.

      – You know so much… Probably, it took so long to learn all this? – I asked naively at the exit, looking around the laboratory.

      – Oh, you have to learn this all your life, – he answered with a smile.

      Returning home in the evening, I put the kettle on and tiredly sank into a chair, once again looking around my small room, which served as a kitchen, dining room and bedroom at the same time. Having made some tea, I reached for my phone and started browsing the latest news on social networks. My soul was warmed by the memory of today’s excursion. It was much more interesting than computer science lessons at school. I wanted to learn more about the field where I work.

      «Thank you for today’s excursion, it was very interesting! And maybe you can recommend what else to watch, read on the topic of programming? Only popular science, something for beginners,» I sent a message to Leo.

      I wanted to continue the conversation – I felt that mutual understanding was beginning to emerge between us. For him, as for me, the intellectual aspect of life is important, he loves his profession dearly.

      «Watch my lectures. Otherwise, I’ll look for something,» he replied with a laughing smiley. I dropped my shoulders in disappointment and pushed my cup of tea aside. «Okay, thank you,» I typed in response.

      It seems he does not share my enthusiasm, and our rapprochement today was again illusory. What is this? One step forward, two steps back!

      Probably, I showed too much sympathy and initiative in communication. It was the same in all previous romances, and it ended pitifully. But I did not know how to do it any other way.

      «You need too much attention, mind your own business already,» the last words of my ex-fiancé surfaced in my memory, as if reviving old wounds.

      Time after time, I chose men who did not show affection for me, because I believed that, in essence, there was nothing to love about me, and stubbornly sought their attention in order to control for what qualities and at what moment they liked me.

      On the one hand, it was exciting for me and safe for my psyche. As soon as I lost control over the situation in the relationship, I could distance myself. On the other hand, it put me in a vulnerable position, because it showed susceptibility, dependence of mood on another person. Thus, giving him a kind of power over me. I had already been burned more than once in communication with Leo – he talked to me with interest, but only about work. And I still considered myself unworthy of the attention of his important person, continuing to strenuously demonstrate all the good things that could interest him. I did not show only the most important thing – true love and respect for myself. Maybe because they were not there. Nevertheless, I felt that he was gradually beginning to open up to me, because he is very cautious, and his mental organization is too delicate, if it is not about work.

      ***

      – Kira, why do you have such a scared look again? – Eva Schwein asked me in surprise, as soon as I sat down on a chair in her spacious office.

      Less than a minute ago, my boss called me and told me to go up to their office. I immediately put my business aside and went up to the second floor. As usual, they didn’t tell me the purpose of the visit, and that could mean anything. It’s better to immediately prepare yourself for the worst – then a different outcome will be a pleasant surprise.

      – Yes, it’s not scared, I was just in a hurry, running to you, – I shrugged and smiled.

      Her strong gaze, filled with warmth, had a strange effect on me, like hypnosis, and instantly calmed me down. I turned my head and glanced at the boss, sitting on the other side of the table.

      – Now I’ll send you out the door to get some air, – she threatened me with feigned anger, and I couldn’t hold back a sincere smile.

      – I’m calm.

      – Kira, we would like to offer you to join another new project of ours. If you can handle it, we will offer you a promotion.

      I froze for a moment, clutching the arms of my chair tightly. As soon as I sat in the silence and shade for a couple of months, the top management noticed me and immediately began pushing me up the career ladder. And I only graduated from university six months ago, and I was still studying! Isn’t this too fast?

      – Kira, what’s wrong with you? Are you afraid you won’t be able to handle it? – Schwein looked into my eyes with slight concern.

      I had never seen that cautious look before. All she had ever shown in front of me was anger at other employees.

      – Oh, what are you saying, no! If it needs to be done, then I have no option but to handle it, –