The Four Rs of Parenting. Carmen Bynoe Bovell

get fully dressed before leaving our bedrooms in the morning. My children understood that this was the kind of respect we would show each other. If they had a goal, a dream, or an aspiration, we respected that. If we had to point out pitfalls, we always tried to do so without disparaging, belittling, or trivializing them or their dreams. We were supportive, but at the same time, we did not neglect our responsibility to lead and guide them.

      Jacqueline Rose

      I truly believe in Namaste.

      The God, love, light, truth in me honors the God source in you as my child or my grandchild.

      This intention is the cornerstone of RESPECT.

      Joseph Shields

      Respect, I think, is a lot about how you carry yourself and how, whether you want them to or not, how people are going to perceive you. We talk a lot about respect with our son, Christopher, as he gets older. Christopher is obviously biracial, and the perception of a black child matters differently in this world than it does, I would say, for white children and people of different races and ethnicities. So I think we are really trying to make sure we focus on both how Christopher presents himself and on him being aware of his social surroundings. That’s because he can easily be judged by other people as being highly articulate or as someone who gets himself in trouble. Because I’ve worked in the criminal justice system, I know people that get themselves into trouble are often enough affected by people, places, and things. So as a parent I’m mindful of being intentional about what I think is really, really important. Fortunately for us, both our children have been really, really good about that, particularly our son, as he gets older and thinks of being intentional about how he engages his folks and his friends, and in building peer support for himself and interacting with all the elders and family members. For myself, I would say, respect goes into some of the other values, and hopefully, I show myself to be and carry myself in a way that sets a good example within the family.

      I’m probably the quietest one in our family dynamic, and sometimes my kids are surprised by the kind of a personality I may show to the public. Sometimes it’s a different dynamic; it’s business. I run my own company, and I’m very much a kind of alpha male and assertive, so it’s a different dynamic. And I try to share that with my kids as well, particularly my son; he’s seen me in a bunch of different environments, from professional settings coming to work, owning and running a $100 million agency, working in the private sector or at home, then out socially.

      We don’t have an around-the-kitchen-table lesson learned time where we’ll work through issues; it’s really facing issues calmly, hopefully facilitating a process where my son and daughter know what things mean and how they want to execute solutions.

      Halima Thorne

      I’ve always been taught to have respect for others. That is something that was shown in my household. Not that it was taught in a book; it was basically demonstrated and shown to have respect for others. If we didn’t show respect for others, there were consequences. My parents definitely taught me to have respect for others.

      Now for self-respect—I definitely have respect for myself, but I think that I had to learn that going through life. Of course, there were some challenges that I had to find out by loving myself. Since I didn’t love myself at one time, I didn’t respect myself. I’m going through that phase in my life where I figured it out by seeking therapy, just talking and being more open about what is going on with me and how to improve myself. So working on myself, I’ve learned to love myself and have more respect for myself. It’s not to say I was doing incriminating things out there, but you know, what helped me was knowing my self-worth, being aware of it, acknowledging it, and getting help when I needed it.

      I show respect to Carter by loving him, giving him all the hugs and kisses that I can, making sure that he has everything he needs at the current moment, from diapers to having a roof over his head and clothes on his back. I show my respect to my child. I will go above and beyond for him if I have to, just to make things right for him.

      Barbara VanDyke

      For me, self-respect is demonstrating or modeling the type of behavior that you are teaching or training your child and demonstrating the same values you’re instilling in your child. And I know respect goes across a wide spectrum, but I’m keeping it narrow to the parent/child relationship. I believe it’s disrespectful to demonstrate all the things that are unlike what you’re teaching and the expectations that you have for your child. For example, if what you’re teaching is, “You are special,” “You are God’s child,” “You are beautiful,” then you need to exemplify or demonstrate to your child that you are the same way and you feel the same way about yourself and not demonstrate behaviors that teach the child or show examples to the child that you don’t have those same beliefs of yourself.

      As parents, there are behaviors that we don’t encourage, and we try to ensure that our children don’t inculcate these behaviors. So we kind of manage their social relationships and peer groups because we feel that we can see that that may not be right for them. Then we set those expectations and violate them ourselves in our own lives. I think it brings disrespect to the parent. It is disrespecting yourself, but disrespect, like I said, is vast. I probably should give vignettes to explain more about respect, but I’ll put that on hold and get to the next question.

      Ten Things about Respect

       Respect is about showing care and consideration in thought, word, and deed. It’s about showing that you have high regard for yourself and others. Respect is about honoring the dignity of all persons.

       Showing respect is doing what is right for others. It’s about kindness, understanding, empathy, and compassion. It’s about having concern for the well-being of others and being mindful of how you behave in their presence.

       Teaching respect requires that parents teach children rules and frequently repeat these rules. It takes more than one lesson for children to learn the rules. The more parents teach what is expected, the less negativity they’ll get from the children.

       Respect is an important dynamic of the parent-child relationship in which parents teach by example. When parents fully understand the value of self-respect, their respect for the children and others will become automatic.

       Parents can show respect for their children by allowing the children to share their views, opinions, and feelings and by attentively listening to them. Parents can also allow their children to disagree with them as long as they do so in a respectful manner. Parents should respect their children’s goals, dreams, and aspirations.

       Parental respect for their children begins during pregnancy and is openly expressed in infancy through their responses to the infant’s crying and other behaviors that place demands on the parents.

       If you respect your life, you will live it to the fullest. You will live out your dreams, and you will also focus on your personal development as an example for your children. Parents ought to be mindful that they model the expectations they express to their children and that they do not violate these expectations in their own lives.

       It’s all right to have disagreements in families as long as there is no physical or verbal abuse. When children witness the resolution of conflicts between their parents, they get a sense of how mutual respect is demonstrated in relationships.

       Consider the cultural aspects of respect when interacting in culturally diverse settings. These include, but are not limited to, physical space, acceptable ways of greeting someone, and cultural differences in parental beliefs and practices.

       Respect for racial and cultural differences is played out in our society’s criminal justice system, and it is important for parents to teach their children how they are perceived and judged within and outside their communities, as well as the ramifications of their behavior outside their homes.