Real Life In London, Volumes I. and II. Egan Pierce

Death and the Lady;

      and we remember a Watch-maker who never objected to hear his

      boys sing; but although he was himself a loyal subject, he

      declared he could not bear God Save the King; and upon being

      ask'd his reason—Why, said he, it is too slow—for as the

      time goes, so the fingers move—Give us Drops of Brandy, or Go to the Devil and Shake Yourself—then I shall have some work done.

      This Song, which was repeated three or four times, was continued till their arrival at Newport-market, where the Songsters divided: our party pursued their way through Coventry-street, and arrived without further adventure or interruption safely at home. Sparkle bade them adieu, and proceeded to Bond-street; and Tom and Bob sought the repose of the pillow.

      It is said that “Music hath charms to sooth the savage breast,” and it cannot but be allowed that the Yo heave ho, of our Sailors, or the sound of a fiddle, contribute much to the speed of weighing anchor.

      It is an indisputable fact that there are few causes which more decidedly form, or at least there are few evidences which more clearly indicate, the true character of a nation, than its Songs and Ballads. It has been observed by the learned Selden, that you may see which way the wind sets by throwing a straw up into the air, when you cannot make the same discovery by tossing up a stone or other weighty substance. Thus it is with Songs and Ballads, respecting the state of public feeling, when productions of a more elaborate nature fail in their elucidations: so much so that it is related of a great Statesman, who was fully convinced of the truth of the observation, that he said, “Give me the making of the national Ballads, and I care not who frames your Laws.” Every day's experience tends to prove the power which the sphere-born Sisters of harmony, voice, and verse, have over the human mind. “I would rather,” says Mr. Sheridan, “have written Glover's song of 'Hosier's Ghost' than the Annals of Tacitus."

CHAPTER XII

       Table of Contents

      O what a town, what a wonderful Metropolis!

      Sure such a town as this was never seen;

      Mayor, common councilmen, citizens and populace,

      Wand'ring from Poplar to Turnham Green.

      Chapels, churches, synagogues, distilleries and county banks—

      Poets, Jews and gentlemen, apothecaries, mountebanks—

      There's Bethlem Hospital, and there the Picture Gallery;

      And there's Sadler's Wells, and there the Court of Chancery.

      O such a town, such a wonderful Metropolis,

      Sure such a town as this was never seen!

      O such a town, and such a heap of carriages,

      Sure such a motley group was never seen;

      Such a swarm of young and old, of buryings and marriages,

      All the world seems occupied in ceaseless din.

      There's the Bench, and there's the Bank—now only take a peep at her—

      And there's Rag Fair, and there the East-London Theatre—

      There's St. James's all so fine, St. Giles's all in tattery,

      Where fun and frolic dance the rig from Saturday to Saturday.

      O what a town, what a wonderful Metropolis,

      Sure such a town as this was never seen!

      A SHORT time after this day's ramble, the Hon. Tom Dash all and his friend Tallyho paid a visit to the celebrated Tattersall's.

      “This,” said Tom, “is a great scene of action at times, and you will upon some occasions find as much business done here as there is on 'Change; the dealings however are not so fair, though the profits are larger; and if you observe the characters and the visages of the visitants, it will be found it is most frequently attended by Turf-Jews and Greeks.{1} Any man indeed who dabbles in horse-dealing, must, like a gamester, be either a rook or a pigeon; {2} for horse-dealing is a species of gambling, in which as many

      1 Turf-Jews and Greeks—Gamblers at races, trotting-

      matches, &c.

      2 Rooks and Pigeons are frequenters of gaming-houses: the

      former signifying the successful adventurer, and the latter

      the unfortunate dupe.

      depredations are committed upon the property of the unwary as in any other, and every one engaged in it thinks it a meritorious act to dupe his chapman. Even noblemen and gentlemen, who in other transactions of life are honest, will make no scruple of cheating you in horse-dealing: nor is this to be wondered at when we consider that the Lord and the Baronet take lessons from their grooms, jockeys, or coachmen, and the nearer approach they can make to the appearance and manners of their tutors, the fitter the pupils for turf-men, or gentlemen dealers; for the school in which they learn is of such a description that dereliction of principle is by no means surprising—fleecing each other is an every-day practice—every one looks upon his fellow as a bite, and young men of fashion learn how to buy and sell, from old whips, jockeys, or rum ostlers, whose practices have put them up to every thing, and by such ruffian preceptors are frequently taught to make three quarters or seventy-five per cent, profit, which is called turning an honest penny. This, though frequently practised at country fairs, &c. by horse-jobbers, &c. is here executed with all the dexterity and art imaginable: for instance, you have a distressed friend whom you know must sell; you commiserate his situation, and very kindly find all manner of faults with his horse, and buy it for half its value—you also know a Green-horn and an extravagant fellow, to whom you sell it for twice its value, and that is the neat thing. Again, if you have a horse you wish to dispose of, the same school will afford you instruction how to make the most of him, that is to say, to conceal his vices and defects, and by proper attention to put him into condition, to alter his whole appearance by hogging, cropping, and docking—by patching up his broken knees—blowing gun-powder in his dim eyes—bishoping, blistering, &c. so as to turn him out in good twig, scarcely to be known by those who have frequently seen and noticed him: besides which, at the time of sale one of these gentry will aid and assist your views by pointing out his recommendations in some such observations as the following:

      ?There's a horse truly good and well made.

      ?There's the appearance of a fine woman! broad breast, round hips, and long neck.

      ?There's the countenance, intrepidity, and fire of a lion.

      ?There's the eye, joint, and nostril of an ox.

      'There's the nose, gentleness, and patience of a lamb.

      ?There's the strength, constancy, and foot of a mule.

      ?There's the hair, head, and leg of a deer.

      ?There's the throat, neck, and hearing of a wolf.

      ?There's the ear, brush, and trot of a fox.

      ?There's the memory, sight, and turning of a serpent.

      ?There's the running, suppleness, and innocence of the hare.

      “And if a horse sold for sound wind, limb, and eyesight, with all the gentleness of a lamb, that a child might ride him with safety, should afterwards break the purchaser's neck, the seller has nothing to do with it, provided he has received the bit,{1} but laughs at the do.{2} Nay, they will sometimes sell a horse, warranted to go as steady as ever a horse went in harness, to a friend, assuring him at the same time that he has not a fault of any kind—that he is good as ever shoved a head through a horse-collar;