Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton

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      PRAISE FOR Mr Gum:

      ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian

      ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes

      in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’

      Sunday Times

      ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose-

      snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail

      ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor,

      The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio

      ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from

      my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph

      ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend

      them enough.’ Stephen Mangan

      ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2

      ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . .

      When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing

      and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the

      book I wanted to read it all over again it was so

      good.’ Bryony, aged 8

      ‘Do not even think about buying another book –

      This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13

      ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’

      Jeremy Strong

      For Tony McGowan - AS

      For Mrs Aubrey - DT

      Egmont

      We bring stories to life

      First published in Great Britain 2018

       by Egmont UK Limited

       The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN

      Text copyright © 2018 Andy Stanton

       Illustrations copyright © 2018 David Tazzyman

      The moral rights of the author and illustrators have been asserted

      978 1 4052 9098 2

      eISBN 978 1 4052 9276 4

      68623/001

      A CIP catalogue record for this title is available

       from the British Library

      Typeset by Avon DataSet Ltd, Bidford on Avon, Warwickshire

       Printed and bound in Great Britain by the CPI Group

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

       stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by

       any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or

       otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher and the copyright owner.

      Stay safe online. Any website addresses listed in this book are correct at the time

       of going to print. However, Egmont is not responsible for content hosted by third

       parties. Please be aware that online content can be subject to change and websites

       can contain content that is unsuitable for children. We advise that all children

       are supervised when using the internet.

      Egmont takes its responsibility to the planet and its inhabitants very seriously.

       All the papers we use are from well-managed forests run by responsible suppliers.

      CONTENTS

      01

      20

      31

      32

      72

      84

      102

      103

      112

      133

      134

      136

      179

      218

       NATBOFF

       THE MASSIVE GIANT AND THE FLEA

       Bibbering Through the Ages: The Stone Table

       Princess Snowflake and the Gypsy King

       The Story of Old King Thunderbelly and the Wall of Lamonic Bibber

       Life and Times of Saint Follican

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Ráðghöldeskvúldrr

       A BRIEF HISTORY of the MERRIE OLD KINGS and QUEENS of ENGLAND

       The Two Friends

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Upside-Down Walker on the Bun Shop

       The Duckling and His Mother

       ’TIS RUBBISH BEING A SQUIRREL

       The Witchfinder General

       LORD FAMOUS AND THE PLAGUE

      233

      245

      246

      273

      274

      280

      334

      335

      342

      343

      353

       The GREAT FIRE

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Wednesday O’Leary

       A Fork in the Road

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Madame Strawberries

       The Victorian Age

       The STRANGE CASE of DOCTOR WEMPERS and MR CRIBBINS

       Bibbering Through the Ages: Chimpy Roberts

       To My Wife, Mary