Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

      She took one hand off the wheel long enough to flick a lever, and the wipers dragged themselves across the dry windshield. She went over a rock and bounced in her seat. She tried another lever and the indicator started blinking. Cursing Skulduggery, Valkyrie moved it up, down, to the side then tried twisting it, and the headlamps suddenly lit up the road ahead, just in time for her to cry out as the van swerved off the trail and hurtled over a hill.

      Valkyrie was thrown around in her seat. Keeping one hand tight on the wheel, she clutched at the seatbelt, yanking it across her. She glanced down, trying to find the slot that the seatbelt clicked into. The bottom of the hill met up with the road again and she tried to steer on to it, but the van just kept going, and plunged down the next hill.

      Valkyrie grabbed the seatbelt again, this time finding the slot, and the seatbelt clicked in and Valkyrie turned her full attention to driving, as the van hit a rocky outcrop, spun sideways and rolled. She smacked her head against the window as the world turned around her. She heard glass breaking and metal crunching. She protected her head as she pitched forward, and her arms slammed into the steering wheel, honking the horn. The van rolled on to another road and settled back on to its four wheels.

      “Owww,” Valkyrie moaned. She looked up to the cracked windscreen. Headlights. A car and a motorcycle were approaching, at speed.

      Valkyrie pulled the door handle and had to hit the door with her shoulder to open it. She tried to get out, but the seatbelt wouldn’t let her. She fumbled at the orange button and the belt retracted. Valkyrie stumbled out as Tanith’s motorbike screeched to a halt.

      The Bentley braked hard and Skulduggery jumped out, ran to her and caught her as her legs gave way. Words were exchanged, but Valkyrie couldn’t make sense of most of them. There was a fuzz in her head as Skulduggery carried her to the Bentley. Her arm was hurting. She opened her eyes to see Tanith loading her bike into the back of the white van, beside the crate, then getting in behind the wheel.

      Skulduggery said something in a faraway voice and Valkyrie tried to answer, but her tongue was too heavy and all the strength left her body.

      

      enspeckle poked her arm. “Does that hurt?”

      “No,” Valkyrie answered.

      He nodded, scribbled something in his notebook. “Have you eaten?”

      “One of your assistants brought me a burger for breakfast.”

      He sighed. “I meant, have you eaten sensibly?”

      “I was very sensible while I was eating the burger. Didn’t miss my mouth once.”

      He prodded her again. “What about that? Does that hurt?”

      “Ow.”

      “I’ll take that as a yes. Hopefully, the pain will teach you not to break yourself when your van crashes.” Kenspeckle scribbled something else and Valkyrie looked around. There were no windows in here, but she could guess what kind of morning it was. Bright, blue skied, sunny and warm.

      Kenspeckle closed his notebook and nodded. “You’re making an excellent recovery,” he said. “One more hour, the bone will be healed.”

      “Thanks, Kenspeckle.”

      “Think nothing of it.”

      “And, you know, sorry about what I said yesterday, about the salt water and the vampires …”

      Kenspeckle chuckled. “Don’t you worry about me, Valkyrie. I’m tougher than I look. Last night, when the nightmares came, they weren’t so bad. I remember them being awful. Now, you just lie back there and let the muck do its work.”

      Feeling guiltier than ever, Valkyrie settled back on the bed. The mixture that coated her entire right arm was cold and slimy. It had to be reapplied every twenty minutes as its magical properties were absorbed through the skin.

      She heard Skulduggery come into the medical bay. His fight with Vengeous had resulted in a fractured collarbone and a few cracked ribs. She looked over at him and laughed.

      He stared at her. He was wearing a bright pink hospital gown, decorated with elephants and bunnies. It hung off him like a sheet on a hatstand.

      “How come she gets the blue hospital gown?” he asked Kenspeckle.

      “Hmm?” mumbled the professor.

      Skulduggery’s head tilted unhappily. “You said the only gowns you had left were these pink bunny ones, but Valkyrie is wearing a perfectly respectable blue one.”

      “Your point being?”

      “Why am I wearing this ridiculous gown?”

      “Because it amuses me.”

      Kenspeckle walked out and Skulduggery looked over at her. “The important thing,” he said, “is that I can wear this gown and still maintain my dignity.”

      “Yes,” she responded automatically. “Yes, you can.”

      “You can stop grinning any time now.”

      “I am so trying, I swear.”

      He walked over and when he spoke his voice had changed slightly, tinged with concern. “Feeling OK?”

      “Yes.”

      “Are you sure?”

      “Yes. No. I don’t know. Whatever happens with the Grotesquery, it’s my fault.”

      “Nonsense.”

      “But I’m the missing ingredient.”

      “That doesn’t make it your fault, Valkyrie. However, if you insist on taking responsibility for something you never had any control over, you can use that to make you stronger. You’re going to need all the strength you can muster, especially when Dusk catches up to you.”

      She frowned. “Why Dusk?”

      “Oh, yes, something I should maybe mention. Dusk will be wanting to kill you. He has a history of vendettas. He holds a grudge and he doesn’t let it go until he’s spilled blood.”

      “And because I cut his face …?”

      “You cut his face with Sanguine’s blade, the scars from which do not heal.”

      “Ah. That’d … that’d make him pretty mad, wouldn’t it?”

      “I just thought you’d like to know.”

      “So what are we going to do about Guild? Since he’s working with the bad guys and everything …?”

      “Now, we don’t know that. It’s not fact. Not yet.” Skulduggery was quiet for a moment. “Even so, it would be foolish not to take precautions. We will report back to Guild if and when we have to. At no time will we tell him what we’re planning, where we’re going or who we’re hoping to punch next. Agreed?”

      “Agreed. So he doesn’t know we have the Grotesquery?”

      “I may have forgotten to tell him. I did remember to tell Mr Bliss though, so he has organised three Cleavers to provide security. Any more than that, unfortunately, and it would come to the attention of the Grand Mage.”

      “I just hope you realise, after Sagacious Tome and now Guild, that I’m never going to be able to trust anyone in a position of authority ever again.”

      Skulduggery’s head tilted. “You don’t view me as an authority figure?”

      She