Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

who was acting like he’d just popped by for a chat. Vengeous sent the last of the shadow stream into the Grotesquery and then stepped back. Valkyrie saw him sag slightly.

      Vengeous brought his hands up to his head and undid the latches on the mask, lifting it off. His face was pale and shiny with sweat. His eyes were narrow and cold.

      “Abomination,” he said. “You came here alone? No Cleavers with you? Mr Bliss isn’t by your side?”

      “You know me, Baron, I like to take care of things myself. Also, when you beat me up, you broke my phone, so …”

      A smile now, cracking across Vengeous’s lips. “Did you come here to witness the beginning of your end?”

      “No, not really. I just came here to do this.”

      Skulduggery reached into his jacket, pulled out a small black satchel and lobbed it on to the slab. It landed on the sheet, over the bandaged chest of the Grotesquery. Vengeous gazed at it, reached out …

      “Wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Skulduggery said, holding up a small device. “One push of this button and this lovely little church is decorated with bits of your god.”

      “A bomb?” Vengeous said, anger rising in his voice. His armour swelled and thickened protectively. “You think explosives could harm a Faceless One?”

      “But that’s not a Faceless One, is it? At least not a whole one. I expect it’s a tad fragile actually, after spending all that time locked away in a wall. And I’m betting all this has taken a lot out of you too. That one little bomb could take you both out at the same time. Well, I say little, but it’s actually about fifteen times more powerful than the last one I threw at you, and you remember how sore that was.”

      Sanguine pushed Valkyrie closer to the slab. “You’ll kill her right along with all of us.”

      “I don’t have to,” Skulduggery said patiently. “I either press this button and foil your insidious plot and kill my friend while I’m at it, or I don’t, and we leave, and you just wait another three years for the next lunar eclipse. It’s up to you, Baron.”

      Vengeous observed him. “Take her.”

      Dusk stepped forward. “The girl must die!”

      “Silence!” Vengeous roared. He locked eyes with Dusk until the vampire backed down, the flickering candlelight playing on his scar.

      Vengeous looked back at Skulduggery. “Take the girl,” he sneered. “You won’t get far.”

      “We’ll get far enough. Valkyrie?” Valkyrie held her hands out to Sanguine.

      He glared at her, then put his straight razor on the slab and muttered. He undid the shackles and stepped back. Valkyrie joined Skulduggery as he moved into the aisle, but not before she snatched up the razor.

      “Hey!” Sanguine shouted.

      “Be quiet,” Vengeous snapped.

      “She has my blade!”

      “I said be quiet!”

      Sanguine shut up. Valkyrie folded the blade into its handle and stuck it in her pocket. She moved backwards, at Skulduggery’s side, and the Infected moved with them.

      “You’re only delaying the inevitable,” Vengeous said. “With this armour, I am the most powerful living being in this world.”

      “But are you happy?” Skulduggery mused, clicking the fingers of his free hand and summoning a flame. He cast the fireball behind them, at the ground near the doorway. The Infected hissed at the flames. Vengeous still hadn’t moved any nearer to the satchel of explosives.

      “I will take you apart, abomination.”

      “So at least I have that to look forward to,” Skulduggery said. “You won’t want to make any sudden moves until we reach the road – I’ll know if you crazy kids disturb the air around the nice bag of explosives.”

      “Blow it up,” Valkyrie murmured out of the corner of her mouth.

      “Can’t do that,” Skulduggery replied in a whisper. He moved his hand and the flames parted in the doorway and they backed through them, out into the night air.

      “Why not?”

      “Not a bomb,” he replied softly. “It’s a bag with a collapsible jack, for changing tyres.”

      “What about the remote?”

      “It opens my garage door. Don’t tell them, but it doesn’t even have any batteries in it.” He waved his hand and the flames came together again to block off the exit. They kept walking backwards to the Bentley, keeping eye contact with the Infected through the flames, making sure no one cheated and rushed out too early.

      “Do we have a plan?” she asked as they backed away from the church.

      “We need to get the Grotesquery away from the bad guys,” he said, “so we’ll have to split up. I’m going to leave, you’re going to hide under the van, wait until they load the Grotesquery in there, and then you’re going to drive off, right out from under their noses.”

      “What?”

      “It’ll be really funny, trust me.”

      “Skulduggery, I’m thirteen. I can’t drive.”

      He looked at her. “What do you mean you can’t drive?”

      “Am I talking in code? I can’t drive, Skulduggery.”

      “But you’ve seen others drive, haven’t you? You’ve seen me drive. I daresay you’ve seen your parents drive. So you know the fundamentals.”

      She stared at him. “I know the big round thing sticking out of the dashboard turns the wheels. That fundamental enough for you?”

      “The van over there is an automatic. You put it in Drive – you go. You press one pedal – you go fast; you press another pedal – you stop. Easy.”

      She stared at him. “Oh, bloody hell,” she muttered and darted for the van, sliding beneath it as Skulduggery jumped into the Bentley.

      The Bentley’s engine roared, the tyres spun and it sped away from the church as a wave of darkness erupted from the doorway, extinguishing the flames. Dusk led the Infected as they poured out into the night, followed by Baron Vengeous, tendrils of shadows wrapping and coiling around him like angry snakes. He hurled the satchel to the ground and the jack bounced into the long grass. He whipped the darkness against an Infected woman, who was blasted off her feet by the impact and went sailing high through the air.

      Valkyrie stayed under the van and kept very, very quiet. She saw Billy-Ray Sanguine walk up.

      “She took my blade,” he said. “Again.”

      “I don’t care about your blade,” Vengeous snapped. He turned to one of the Infected. “You. Move the Grotesquery into the van. This place will soon be teeming with Cleavers and I can’t risk them damaging it.”

      The Infected hurried into the church then came back out, carrying the crate. Taking extra care, they loaded it into the van. They moved back towards the church, waiting for more orders, and Valkyrie slid herself from cover and got to her feet. She could hear Vengeous issuing commands from the other side of the van, and she took a deep breath and reached for the door.

      It opened with a faint click and she got in slowly, keeping low. The key was in the ignition. She looked around to get her bearings, risked a glance out of the window at the bad guys and then turned the key. The engine came to life. Vengeous turned his head and frowned, moving to where he could see who was behind the wheel.

      Valkyrie pulled the stick down to Drive and stamped her foot on the accelerator. She yelped as the van shot forward, fought to gain control of the steering. This was not fun. She wrenched