Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

and nothing happened. She stared at the weapon in confusion. “It doesn’t work.”

      “Maybe the crystal isn’t in right,” Valkyrie suggested. “Maybe it’s too big.”

      “I’m the last one who used the Sceptre,” Skulduggery mused as he took it from China. “Maybe I’m its owner.”

      He pointed it at the case, but no lightning erupted.

      Valkyrie sagged. “So it was a waste of time. And now we have nothing to use against the Faceless Ones.”

      “No,” China said. “Look at it. The crystal’s glowing. The Sceptre has power; it’s just not identifying its proper owner.”

      Skulduggery held it out to Valkyrie. “Try it.”

      She frowned. “I don’t own it. You used it after Serpine, you gave it to China. It’s one of you two – it’s got nothing to do with me.”

      “When I gave it to China, it was broken. You’ve just replaced its power source, and you were the first person to hold it since it was brought back to life.”

      Still not seeing the logic, Valkyrie took the Sceptre and held it up, pointing it at the oak case.

      “How do you fire?” she asked.

      “Will it to fire and it’ll fire.”

      “Yeah, but is there a particular command you have to think, like ‘fire’, or do you just have to want it to—”

      Black lightning streaked from the crystal and the table turned to dust and the oak box fell heavily to the floor.

      Valkyrie stared. “I missed the box.”

      “Yes, but on the bright side, you killed the table.”

      The crystal glowed again and lightning flashed, and a bookcase disappeared in a cloud of swirling dust. China shrieked in dismay and Valkyrie shrieked in surprise.

      “I didn’t mean to!” she shouted. “I just thought of it and—”

      Skulduggery yanked China back as lightning hit the bookcase behind her.

      Valkyrie whirled and thrust the Sceptre into Skulduggery’s hands. “Get it away from me!”

      “My books!” China cried.

      “I can’t use it! Skulduggery, I can’t use it! I tried not thinking of the Sceptre firing, and that’s the only thing I could think of! It kept popping into my head!”

      “It’s OK,” Skulduggery said soothingly. “No one was hurt.”

      “My books!” China raged.

      “China, I am really sorry …” Valkyrie began and then ran out of words.

      China glared at her, then glared at Skulduggery. “Some of those books were one of a kind.”

      “I understand that.”

      “Priceless, Skulduggery. Beyond priceless. The secrets they held, the histories they contained …”

      “I’ll be happy to pay for any damage caused.”

      “You cannot pay for priceless books! That’s why they call them priceless!”

      “Then let me at least pay for the bookcase.”

      “The bookcase?” China screamed and then she whirled, hands over her face, and Valkyrie could hear her counting, slowly, to ten.

      At ten, she turned and tried to smile, and after a few moments, it actually became convincing. “Valkyrie, it appears you are the Sceptre’s owner. This is wonderful news. It means, among other things, that you need not leave the ultimate weapon in the hands of someone you don’t trust.”

      “China,” Skulduggery began, but she held up a hand to silence him.

      “You can’t use it of course,” she continued. “Not now anyway. You have to keep it hidden.”

      Valkyrie frowned. “Why?”

      “If the Diablerie find out that it is operational, they will target you. They’ll try to take you alive, subdue you, keep you breathing so that the ownership of the Sceptre won’t pass to the next person to pick it up.”

      “And there’s another reason,” Skulduggery said. “If they manage to get their hands on it, we have nothing with which to stop the Faceless Ones. It’s a last resort weapon – it needs to be kept hidden until the gate opens.”

      “If the gate opens,” Valkyrie corrected.

      “Optimistic to the last,” China said dryly.

      “We could still do with your help,” Skulduggery said to her.

      “Nonsense,” China responded. “You’ll do fine without me. Besides, the portal opens on a farm. A farm, Skulduggery. Do I look like I have any shoes suitable for a farm?”

      The thin man hurried over and whispered in her ear. She nodded and looked at them. “I think you should get back to the Hibernian. There have been developments.”

      

      r Bliss met them as they strode towards the cinema. He told them what had happened, then told them that Remus Crux had left with the Cleavers in a preposterous attempt to catch the Diablerie as they made their getaway with Guild. The main problems with this course of action were that first, the enemy had too much of a head start, and second, nobody knew what kind of vehicle they were in, if they were even in a vehicle at all. But Bliss had let Crux go, simply because he wanted him gone.

      They hurried down the aisle, as Ghastly and Tanith emerged from the door in the screen, on to the stage. Valkyrie looked at them, checking for injuries, but Tanith caught her eye and winked. A small gesture, but reassuring, and Valkyrie’s heart stopped beating so hard in her chest.

      “Sorry,” Ghastly said to Skulduggery. “We tried our best, but …”

      “Your job wasn’t to protect Guild,” Skulduggery reminded him, “it was to protect Fletcher. Where is he?”

      “Here,” Fletcher said from right behind Valkyrie. She jumped and glared at him, then he vanished and reappeared on the stage beside Tanith. “You’re not going to give me to those nutcases, are you? I mean, I know they have a hostage and all, but he’s an old guy, he’s practically dead already. I’m the important one, so I’m the one who has to stay safe, yeah?”

      “We’re not doing the trade,” Tanith said.

      “Actually,” Bliss said, “we are.”

      Everyone stared at him. He stood there like a rock in a churning sea.

      “That’s insane,” Ghastly said. “You’re telling us to hand over the last Teleporter just because they ask us to? And in return for Guild, of all people?”

      “If we do not, they will have no hesitation in killing the Grand Mage.”

      “Bliss,” said Skulduggery, “if we give them Fletcher Renn, this world dies.”

      “And if we let them kill Thurid Guild,” Bliss countered evenly, “the world collapses into chaos.”

      “I’d rather chaos over death,” Ghastly said.

      Bliss shook his head. “Ireland is a Cradle of Magic. Our people were the first Ancients. Our people fought the Faceless Ones on these shores. This land holds secrets, both magnificent and terrifying, that are coveted by