Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

Finbar Wrong said when he opened the door to greet them. His face, adorned as it was by piercings, split into a slow and happy grin. He was wearing a Stiff Little Fingers T-shirt that showed off the tattoos on his skinny arms. “Valkyrie!” he exclaimed with equal delight when he saw her. “C’mon in, the pair of you!”

      They stepped into his tattoo parlour, the walls of which were layered with designs and pictures and photographs. The whir of the needle drifted down from upstairs. Music was playing somewhere.

      “How’s it going?” Finbar asked, nodding his head as if they had already answered.

      “We’re on a case,” Skulduggery said. “We’re hoping you might be able to help us.”

      “That’s awesome, man, yeah. Hey, Skul-man, did you hear? Sharon’s pregnant! I’m gonna be a dad!”

      “That’s … great news, Finbar.”

      “It is, isn’t it? I know, I mean, I know it’s a lot of responsibility and all, and I know I haven’t been, like, the most responsible of cats. I know what you’re thinking – you’re thinking, now that’s an understatement, isn’t that right?”

      Finbar laughed and Skulduggery shook his head.

      “Not really.”

      “You know me too well, man! You remember how I used to be? Remember all the crazy stuff I used to get up to?”

      “No.”

      “Man, those were the days, huh? But hey, I’ve calmed down. Sharon’s been, like, this beacon of light, yeah? I have mended my ways, I can tell you that much. I’m ready for a kid. I’m ready for that responsibility.”

      “That’s wonderful to hear,” Skulduggery said.

      “Hey, you know, I was thinking … Skul-man, would you do us the honour of being godfather to our child?”

      “No,” Skulduggery said immediately.

      Finbar shrugged. “That’s cool, that’s cool. Sharon might be disappointed though.”

      “Sharon doesn’t know me.”

      “And hopefully that’ll ease the blow, but … I’m sorry, man, you wanted my help with something?”

      Skulduggery explained that they needed him to go into a trance and find the location of the gateway and Finbar nodded, eyes half closed. Once or twice, Valkyrie was sure he was already in the trance, but when Skulduggery had finished explaining, he nodded again.

      “No problemo, el Skulduggo,” he said. “I’m gonna need absolute peace and quiet though. Being a Sensitive isn’t like any other kind of magic. I need total and utter seclusion, you know? Most Sensitives are hermits, like, living in caves and monasteries, somewhere in the mountains …” He looked around, eyes settling on the small kitchen at the back of the shop. “I’ll do it in there.”

      They followed him in. He flicked on the light and Valkyrie closed the door while Skulduggery drew the tattered curtains across the window. Finbar took a map from a cupboard and laid it on the table.

      He sat and closed his eyes, and began to mutter in a language Valkyrie didn’t understand. Then he started to hum. At first, she thought he was humming an ancient chant, something to elevate his consciousness to the higher plane. Then she recognised the first few bars of ‘Eat The Rich’, by Aerosmith, and she stopped trying to guess what he was doing.

      “OK,” he said in a dreamy voice, “I’m floating, man. I’m up here. Floating up through the ceiling … into the open … floating through the sky … Dublin looks so pretty, even when it’s raining …”

      “Finbar,” Skulduggery said. “Can you hear me?”

      Finbar murmured happily.

      “Can you hear me, Finbar?” Skulduggery said louder.

      “Skul-man,” Finbar smiled, “hey, how are you? Coming in loud and clear …”

      “Do you remember what you’re looking for?”

      Finbar nodded, his eyes still shut. “Oh yeah. The gate. For the Faceless Ones. Creepy critters, man.”

      “Yes, they are.”

      Valkyrie watched Finbar frown slightly.

      “I think,” he said slowly, “I think I can feel them, man …”

      Skulduggery tilted his head. “Stay away, Finbar. Stay away from them.”

      “That’s a … that’s a good idea …”

      “You’re looking for the lines of magic, remember?”

      “Yep … I remember …” His hands drifted across the map. “I’m flying now. Ooh, this is nice. I can feel the clouds between my fingers. I can see the lines all around me. They’re glowing, like gold, like glitter. So pretty …”

      His smile faded a little. “Wait. These … these lines aren’t glowing. They’re dull. Getting duller.”

      “Where are you?”

      “Hold on, man, just going a bit closer …”

      “Keep your distance, Finbar.”

      “I’ll be OK …”

      Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery. They waited a few moments.

      “It’s rotten,” Finbar said. Something in his voice had changed. He was no longer dreamy. “The lines, they’ve turned black. They’re rotting away.”

      “Where are you?”

      “I can hear them. I can … I can hear their whispers …”

      “Who can you hear?”

      “The Faceless Ones.”

      “Don’t. Can you hear me? Stay away from them.”

      “Oh God.”

      “Finbar, stay away—”

      “Oh God, they know where we are. They know where we are. They’ve found us and they’re waiting to be let in. They’re at the gate and they’re waiting to be let in!”

      “Finbar,” Skulduggery said urgently. “Where are you? Tell us where you are right now.”

      Finbar extended his arm towards the sink, and Valkyrie jerked her head back to avoid the knife that flew into his hand. He stabbed downwards into the map, and then his arms dropped by his sides and his head dipped.

      “Finbar?” Skulduggery said softly. “Finbar, can you hear me?”

      A low chuckle escaped his lips. He flew into the air, knocking both Valkyrie and Skulduggery off their feet. The table collapsed and Finbar turned to face them. His limbs were twitching and his eyes were still closed.

      He opened his mouth and a voice that was not his, a voice that was a hundred thousand other voices, said, “Cannot stop us.”

      Skulduggery scrambled up, and something hit him and sent him crashing back against the wall.

      “World will fall,” the voices said. “World will crumble. We are coming.”

      Finbar fell to the floor, crumpling like a puppet with its strings cut. Valkyrie stood. Behind her, Skulduggery groaned and got up.

      Finbar raised his head and looked around drowsily.

      “Whoa,” he said.

      Valkyrie helped him into the only upright chair in the kitchen.

      “I hate being possessed,” he said. “Happens all the time when you’re a Sensitive. Usually, it’s pretty easy to spot, because you’ve got red eyes or a deep voice or you’re hovering in mid-air or something,