Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 1 - 12. Derek Landy

and barged into a dark room, almost tripping over a chair. The patio stood out against the darkness along the far wall and she made for that, the Infected right behind her. She pulled open the balcony doors and she ran out and leaped over the railing.

      Wind rushed in her ears.

      Directly below her, the Infected stood outside the glass doors, waiting for their Undead comrades to flush her out. They looked up in surprise, and saw her flying over them.

      And then the tarmac-covered driveway was coming at her and she used both hands, trying to manipulate the air. She did her best to cushion her fall but this wasn’t the easy drop from her bedroom window, this was much higher, it was at an angle, and she hadn’t taken into account the sheer velocity …

      She landed and cried out in pain as she rolled, knees and elbows striking the driveway, her hip scraping as she tumbled, her skin torn and bleeding. She knew she should have worn trousers.

      The world rocked to a stop, balanced itself out and she opened her eyes. The Infected were standing looking at her, and Dusk strode through them, his eyes narrowed and his lips curled in hatred. And then Valkyrie was up and running.

      She was sore, she felt blood on her legs and arms, but she ignored the pain. She looked back, saw the mass of Infected surge after her.

      She passed the club gates and took the first road to her left, losing a shoe in the process and cursing herself for not wearing boots. It was narrow, and dark, with fields on one side and a row of back gardens on the other. She came to a junction. Up one way she could see headlights, so she turned down the other, leading the Infected away from any bystanders. She darted in off the road, running behind the Pizza Palace and the video store, realising her mistake when she heard the voices around the next corner. The pub had a back door that smokers used.

      She veered off to her right, ran for the garden wall and leaped over it. She stayed low, and wondered for a moment if she’d managed to lose the Infected so easily. Dusk dropped on to her from above and she cried out. He sent her reeling.

      “I’m not following the rules any more,” he said. She looked at him, saw him shaking. He took a syringe from his coat and let it drop. “No more rules. No more serum. This time, there’ll be nothing to stop me tearing you limb from limb.” He grunted as the pain hit.

      “I’m sorry I cut you,” Valkyrie tried, backing away.

      “Too late. You can run if you want. Adrenaline makes the blood taste sweeter.” He smiled and she saw the fangs start to protrude through his gums.

      He brought his hands to his shirt, and then, like Superman, he ripped the shirt open. Unlike Superman, however, he took his flesh with it, revealing the chalk-white skin of the creature underneath.

      Valkyrie darted towards him and his eyes widened in surprise. She dived, snatched the syringe from the ground and plunged it into his leg.

      Dusk roared, kicked her on to her back, his transformation interrupted. He tried to rip off the rest of his humanity, but his human skin tore at the neck. This wasn’t the smooth shucking she’d seen the previous night. This was messy and painful.

      Valkyrie scrambled up. The Infected had heard Dusk’s anguished cries, and they were closing in.

      

      he Edgley family reunion was taking up the main function hall, at the front of the building, leaving the rear of the golf club in darkness. That was probably a good thing, Tanith reflected, as she watched Skulduggery fly backwards through the air.

      The Torment-spider turned to her and she dodged a slash from one of his talons. She turned and ran, but he was much faster. Tanith jumped for the side of the building and ran upwards, a ploy that had got her out of a lot of trouble in the past, but then, she had never faced a giant spider before.

      His talons clacked as he followed her up, chattering as he came. She stepped over the ledge, on to the rooftop, then turned and waited for him to follow. The spider legs appeared over the edge first, then the head and the torso, and Tanith lunged. Her sword flashed, but hit one of the armour plates that protected the Torment-spider’s underside. His leg swept in and crashed against her, and Tanith lost the blade, hit the rooftop and rolled. She reached for her sword, but a talon stepped on it.

      Tanith backed away. The Torment-spider chattered once more then went quiet. His three eyes, devoid of any recognisable human trait, observed her. She knew he could strike and she’d never see it coming.

      “Excuse me,” she said as politely as she could, “I believe you’re standing on my sword.” The Torment-spider didn’t answer. She briefly wondered if he could answer, if there was any kind of rational being left in there.

      “I don’t think this is entirely fair,” she continued. “You’re angry with Skulduggery because he didn’t kill Valkyrie, but you and me, we’ve never even met. I mean, you have no reason to attack me. You don’t even know me. If you got to know me, if you took the time, I’m sure you’d really like me. I’m a likeable girl. Everyone says so.” The Torment-spider chattered in a short burst.

      “Did you know, and this is a fact here, did you know that most spiders are really, really ugly? It’s true. The women spiders have a really hard time of it. I saw it in a documentary. Why do you think the black widow kills the guys she mates with? Shame, that’s why. I’m not saying you’re ugly. Who am I to judge? I’ve only got two legs, right?” The Torment-spider advanced. Tanith took another step back.

      “I didn’t mean to insult you. Did I insult you? I didn’t mean to. I’m sure, for a giant spider person, you’re quite the catch. And, hey, looks aren’t everything, yeah? You know what us girls really go for? A sense of humour. And you look like a guy who is ready to laugh. Am I right?” The Torment-spider chattered angrily.

      “I thought so. So now that we’ve had this little talk, what do you say we stop beating around the bush, and you come and have a go?”

      The Torment-spider went quiet again and Tanith smiled up at him.

      “If you think you’re hard enough.”

      A moment passed then the Torment-spider reared up, ready to strike, and Tanith sprinted towards him, dived between the legs that were still supporting his weight and snatched up her sword.

      The giant spider scuttled around and Tanith slashed upwards. Her sword raked across the armour until it found the space between the plates. The Torment-spider squealed and thrashed, and Tanith threw herself out from under him to avoid being crushed.

      She felt a gust of wind and Skulduggery dropped on to the rooftop. He splayed his hands and the air pulsed, catching the Torment-spider on its underside and flipping him over. He landed on his back, his eight legs kicking and flailing. Tanith leaped in, landed on the spider’s belly and stuck the tip of her blade in between the armour plates.

      The Torment-spider stopped flailing instantly.

      “Good boy,” Tanith said.

      Skulduggery walked around so he could see the Torment-spider’s eyes. “I’m assuming, because you know when to stop struggling, that you’re still capable of logical thought, so I’m only going to say this once. You either get in line or you get out of our way. We have a job to do tonight, and right now my partner is in danger and I have run out of patience. So what do you want to do – continue fighting or make a deal?”

      For a second, Tanith didn’t think Skulduggery would get an answer, but then that mouth opened and an old man’s voice croaked from between those teeth.

      “I’m listening.”