God's Guide for Grandparents. Susan M. Erschen

we could imagine ourselves simply picking up a beautiful coat and wrapping it around our shoulders whenever we were tempted to ignore or judge another person in need? Yet, as easily as we put on a cloak, we can throw it from our shoulders when it becomes uncomfortable. Now that we have grandchildren watching us, it might be a good time in our lives to wrap compassion around us more securely and fasten it with a strong clasp of prayer. We do not want it to slip from our shoulders as it might have once done. We want our grandchildren to always see us as people who care for those who suffer. In this way, we can help grow compassion in their young hearts.

      If we doubt compassion is one of the most important virtues for us to nurture in our grandchildren, we need only look at Our Lord’s teachings. In the Judgment of the Nations story, Jesus tells us very clearly how we will be judged (see Mt 25:31–45). We will not be judged on how much we prayed or how much we went to Mass. We will not be judged on how much we studied Scripture. We will certainly not be judged on how much money we made, how nice our home was, or how up-to-date our wardrobe was. We will simply be judged by how often we showed compassion. Jesus will call us to join him in eternal peace and joy if we fed the hungry, gave drink to the thirsty, or welcomed the stranger. He will open his arms to us if we provided clothing and shelter to the needy, cared for the sick, or visited those in prison. These acts of mercy are all the outpouring of compassion. For if we really feel compassion for another person we want to help them.

      Compassion is not a passive emotion. It is a very active virtue. True compassion is empathy in action. If we are in pain or suffering, we act. Likewise, when we feel the pain and suffering of another, we want to take action.

      Cultivating Compassion

      We may naturally start to feel empathy as toddlers, but it takes great faith to practice the virtue of compassion in our self-centered society. It is so much easier to keep the focus on ourselves, look the other way, or deny another person is in need. We learn to convince ourselves this child is not cold or that old person is not lonely. Eventually we become numb to the suffering around us. Our Information Age is partly to blame for this numbness. Today, the hurts and pains of the world are flashed before our eyes so often on news shows, the Internet, and social media that we just stop seeing them. The needs seem overwhelming. What can one person do? Ronald Reagan once said, “No one can help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” Compassion is an extremely personal act. We don’t have to fix the world. We just have to care for the people God places in our path.

      We need two things to practice compassion. The first is God’s grace. Let us ask God every day to open our eyes to one person who needs our help and then give us the grace to do what is necessary. The second thing we need is acceptance. We need to see that all people are just like us. They feel the same pain we feel. They have the same range of emotions. The mother holding a starving infant on the dusty streets of a Third World country feels just as much worry and pain as the mother holding a sick child in the sterile emergency room of a modern hospital. Once we begin to realize we are emotionally wired the same, then we start to know real compassion. When we open ourselves to the possibility of truly suffering with the person who is hungry, grieving, lonely, sick, or scared, we become ready to take action.

      Looking into the Face of Jesus

      We learn compassion not only by seeing ourselves in a suffering person, but also by seeing Jesus there. It is sweet and sentimental to look at the angelic baby Jesus in a crib and put a blanket on him. It is not as charming to look into the bloodied face of Jesus on the cross. Yet, this is where we must look if we want to become more compassionate. We must gaze at the suffering Christ on the cross. Imagine the blood dripping from his wounds. Feel the pain of his every breath. And then remember why he suffered like this. He did it for love, and to give us the grace to be better and more compassionate people. He did it to save us from our sins of indifference.

      We cannot truly adore the infant in the crib if we are not also willing to follow the man on the cross. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, known as the Little Flower, is a witness to this. We call her Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus and think of her as a gentle and humble little saint. But the full religious name the Carmelite order bestowed on her was Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face. The Holy Face is the suffering face of Christ Veronica wiped with a towel. It is the face that was crowned with thorns. It is the face that cried out, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Lk 23:34).

      We, too, are often guilty of not knowing what we are doing. Often, we are not aware of how our actions or words cause pain to others. But for the sake of our grandchildren, we need to start paying greater attention. We need to learn to see the suffering Jesus in the face of every suffering person. If the world is going to be a better place, it will only be because more people are showing compassion for one another.

      We can also cultivate more compassion in our grandchildren by encouraging them to think about how another person might feel and to consider whether there is anything they could do to make that person feel better. Depending on our different circumstances, we all have opportunities to expose our grandchildren to those who need compassion. When my mother was in a nursing home, my brother and sister-in-law regularly took their granddaughter to visit her. The little girl quickly became comfortable being in the presence of the sick. She could look into the face of the people she saw and not back away. No doubt she will always be compassionate to the elderly and sick.

      My mother-in-law is 102. My grandchildren regularly see Great-Grandma here at our home and like to share their toys with her. Recently, my husband and I sponsored a five-year-old girl in a developing country. Her picture is on our refrigerator. I tell my granddaughter about this little girl who wants to learn to read but has no books. We color pictures for her and send her some of our stickers.

      Even if face-to-face work with the needy is not possible for us or our grandchildren, we can still include people who are homeless, immigrants, those who are sick or dying, and the many who are lonely in our daily prayers. Through her great devotion to the Holy Face of Jesus and her prayers for missionaries, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux became a saint without ever going beyond the walls of her convent.