13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Amy Morin

ways to make it less convenient for him to reach for sugary snacks, so he decided that he’d keep the sweet treats downstairs in the basement. Then, when he wandered into the kitchen in the evenings, he’d be more likely to reach for a healthy snack. If he still wanted cookies, he’d have to think about whether he wanted to go down to the basement to get them and most of the time, he found that he was more motivated to reach for a healthier snack. As soon as he started making progress, he found it easier to make more changes. Eventually, he was able to feel more inspired to lose weight and manage his blood sugar.

      To Change or Not to Change

      Although it’s often easy to say you want to change, successfully making a change is hard. Our thoughts and emotions often prevent us from creating behavioral change, even when it will improve our lives.

      Many people shy away from making changes that can drastically improve their lives. See if any of the following apply to you:

      

You tend to justify a bad habit by convincing yourself what you’re doing isn’t “that bad.”

      

You experience a lot of anxiety about changes to your routine.

      

Even when you’re in a bad situation, you worry that making a change might make things worse.

      

Whenever you attempt to make a change, you struggle to stick with it.

      

When your boss, family, or friends make changes that affect you, it’s difficult for you to adapt.

      

You think a lot about making changes but put off doing anything different until later.

      

You worry that any changes you make aren’t likely to last.

      

The thought of stepping outside your comfort zone just seems too scary.

      

You lack the motivation to create positive change because it’s too hard.

      

You make excuses for why you can’t change, like “I’d like to exercise more, but my spouse doesn’t want to go with me.”

      

You have difficulty recalling the last time you purposely tried to challenge yourself to become better.

      

You hesitate to do anything new because it just seems like too big of a commitment.

      Do any of the above examples sound familiar? Although circumstances can change quickly, humans often change at a much slower pace. Choosing to do something different requires you to adapt your thinking and your behavior, which will likely bring up some uncomfortable emotions. But that doesn’t mean you should shy away from change.

      Why We Shy away from Change

      Initially, Richard tried to change too much too fast and he quickly became overwhelmed. Whenever he thought, This is going to be too hard, he allowed himself to give up. As soon as he began seeing some positive results, however, his thoughts became more positive and it was easier for him to stay motivated. Many people shy away from change because they think that doing something different is too risky or uncomfortable.

      Types of Change

      We can experience different types of change, some you might find easier than others:

      • All-or-nothing change—Some changes are incremental while others are basically all or nothing. Deciding to have a child, for example, isn’t something you can do in steps. Once you have that baby, your life has irrevocably changed.

      • Habit change—You can choose to either get rid of bad habits, like sleeping too late, or you can choose to create good habits, like exercising five times a week. Most habit changes allow you to try something new for a little while, but you can always revert back to your old habits.

      • Trying-something-new change—Change sometimes involves trying something new or mixing up your daily routine, like volunteering at a hospital or taking violin lessons.

      • Behavioral change—Sometimes there are behavioral changes that don’t necessarily constitute a habit. For example, maybe you want to commit to going to all of your child’s sports games or maybe you want to behave friendlier.

      • Emotional change—Not all change is tangible. Sometimes it’s emotional. For example, if you want to feel less irritable all the time, you’ll need to examine the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to your irritability.

      • Cognitive change—There may be ways in which you want to change your thinking as well. Perhaps you want to think less about the past or maybe decrease worrisome thoughts.

      Readiness for Change

      New Year’s resolutions are commonly broken, because we try to make changes based on a date and not because we’re really ready. And if you aren’t ready to create change, you likely won’t be successful at maintaining it. Even changing one small habit, like deciding you’ll floss your teeth every day or giving up your bedtime snack, requires a certain level of commitment.

      The Five Stages of Change

      1. Precontemplation—When people are precontemplative, they don’t yet identify any need to change. Richard was precontemplative about making any changes to his health for years. He avoided going to the doctor, he refused to step on a scale, and he dismissed any comments his wife made when she expressed concern about his health.

      2. Contemplation—People who are actively contemplative are considering the pros and cons of making a change. When I first saw Richard, he was contemplative. He was aware that not changing his eating habits could have serious consequences, but he was also not yet certain how to go about creating change.

      3. Preparation—This is the stage where people prepare to make a change. They establish a plan with concrete steps that identify what they are going to do differently. Once Richard moved into the preparation stage, he scheduled days to work out and chose one snack to swap for something healthier.

      4. Action—This is where the concrete behavioral change takes place. Richard started going to the gym and swapped his afternoon cookies for carrots.

      5. Maintenance—This often overlooked step is essential. Richard needed to plan ahead so he could maintain his lifestyle changes when he faced obstacles, like holidays or vacations.

      Fear

      When I met Andrew, he was stuck in a