The Road to Resilience. Adam Przytula

Introduction

      Hey. I'm Adam Przytula and I run a social change enterprise called Armed For Life. You may have heard me (or one of my colleagues) speak at your school. We talk about some of the real issues you might be dealing with now or challenges you might be faced with in the coming years.

Why I wrote this book

      I really struggled growing up. I was bullied every single day from Year 4 until the end of Year 12. At home, my parents were always fighting until I was in Year 8 when they got a divorce and Mum moved out.

       My parents before their divorce

      I didn't know how to reach out and talk about what I was going through.

      I thought I had to act tough and ignore the bullies. I tried to push down all my negative feelings. My life spiralled downwards until Year 10 when things got so bad, I almost ended my life.

And I know I'm not alone.

      Fast‐forward 16 years to 2010. I was in my last semester of uni, studying to become a teacher. One day while working in a school, a student walked past me with his head cast downwards, biting his nails. I could feel the pain radiating from within him. I recognised myself: this kid was a younger me. He was trapped in pain and misery, just as I had been. At that moment, I knew I had to do something, and Armed For Life was born.

What I did next

      I decided to start going into schools and talking to students openly and honestly about what I went through at school. As a student, I'd been too ashamed to speak out about what I was thinking and feeling, and I didn't know I should have spoken out. I wanted students who were in a similar position to know they weren't alone. There is help out there. They deserve to be listened to, supported and respected.

Home truths

      It wasn't easy. I began talking to students about the real issues we all face in life, but I hadn't faced up to my own problems. I went through two messy divorces and a mental breakdown before I finally realised I needed to stop blaming other people for my problems and start taking responsibility for my own mental health and wellbeing.

      I made a lot of mistakes and fell back into old, self‐destructive behaviours countless times. But I worked hard to keep moving forward and I'll tell you about how I did it in this book.

How this book will help you

      Some of the issues we face in life can be really challenging. Resilience is our ability to bounce back when times get tough. But this isn't something we're born with; it's a learnt skill. It's something we can get better at.

      You might not have been through the same things that I've been through, but the tools in this book will arm you with the ability to face up to any challenge in life. No matter what your personal goal is (you might want to kill it in your exams or become an actor, start feeling good about yourself or make some new friends), the principles are the same.

      Let me show you how.

      Adam Przytula

       Director, Armed For Life

chapter #1 Self‐esteem

      Congratulations on setting out on the road to resilience. In this chapter you will have the opportunity to learn about how you see yourself (your self‐image), how much worth you think you have (your self‐worth) and how you feel about who you are (your self‐esteem). The most important thing I want to tell you is you are valuable. All of us have just as much worth as anyone else in the world. No‐one ever has the right to make you feel as though you aren't worthy.

      Having the internal belief that you are acceptable just the way you are is the foundation of healthy self‐esteem. If you feel good about yourself, you'll be able to cope with whatever challenges life throws your way.

Be like Thor

      Have you seen the movie Avengers: Endgame? It's the direct sequel to Avengers: Infinity War and the 22nd film in the Marvel series. You might love it, hate it or not care either way (I love Avengers), but stay with me for a second.

We're used to seeing Thor as a demigod. He's ripped, powerful and strong. Thor is a superhero. Thor knows he's valuable. That is, until Avengers: Infinity War when Thanos defeats the Avengers by using the Infinity Gauntlet to snap away half of all life in the universe. Thor loses his dad, his brother, his home and half of his people. He feels like he's failed. After all, what's the point of being strong if he's not strong enough to defeat Thanos? Enter what many dubbed online as ‘Fat Thor’!

      At the start of Avengers: Endgame we can see right away that Thor isn't feeling good about himself. He appears unwashed, unkempt and grossly overweight. Thor has turned to alcohol and gaming to try and cope with how low he's feeling. Thor's self‐esteem is about as low as it can get, until the Avengers convince him to race back in time and retrieve the Infinity Stones before Thanos can get to them. Thor undergoes a huge internal battle against his depression and self‐loathing. By letting go of his negative thoughts, Thor starts believing in himself again. I won't spoil the ending for you, but we see Thor's self‐esteem start to spiral upwards.

      Me

      When I was a teenager, I hated myself. I thought I was worthless. My self‐esteem was about as low as it could get.

      Nowadays, I generally like myself. I feel good about who I am. I think I have relatively healthy self‐esteem. The change is remarkable.

      You

      Like me and Thor, you can do stuff to change your self‐esteem, but first you need to identify where you are at.

      Let's see where exactly it is that you're at by doing this quiz together.

      Try this

      Personal self‐esteem quiz

      First of all, we need to look at where your self‐esteem is currently sitting. Read through the following statements and tick those you agree with. If you're currently reading a hardcopy version of this book, I encourage you to use a pencil so that you can erase your answers and complete the quiz again once you've finished reading the book.

       I desperately want to change the way I look.

       I find it difficult to accept who I am.

       I have really high standards for myself and for others (I am a perfectionist).

       I feel uncomfortable around successful people.

       I have high levels of anxiety and fear.

       I never try new things — I might make a mistake.

       I focus on my mistakes and minimise what I achieve.

       I feel down all the time.

       I frequently think negative thoughts about myself.

       I feel worthless.