Memories Of Our Days. Chiara Cesetti

seemed to drop on his shoulders all of a sudden. He fought with himself to try and keep them at bay and get back a little hope to let him give reassurance to the others once back in the house.

      1 Chapter X

      Ada

      The next few days the women were going back and forth to nurse the patient.

      Ada’s condition was getting worse. The very high fever did not give her a break and in a short while her prosperous body had become so thin that it was hard to recognise it. Lucia had been called in to help with the family chores. She looked after the little ones taking them outside even if the days were now quite cold. Antonino and Clara were aware of what was going on and were just carrying on quietly, the twins were quick to shake off the sadness that they could feel within the house walls. Once they were out, they would play happily without any worry. Lucia used to bring Andrea along when she got some work at the Barrieri’s because she did not have anyone to leave him with so they three of them would play happily together. In the evening, all the time spent playing in the open air would make them more tired than usual and they were sent to bed very early.

      During the night the women would take turns to look after the sick woman. They tried to alleviate her suffering placing some damp cloths on her forehead. The temperature was so high and in the last few days her rasping breathing seemed to fill the whole house.

      Ada’s death left a great void as usually unexpected death do and everything felt really unbelievable. What happened, unexpected and tragic at the same time, got the adults to live with the thought of how life was precarious. This feeling along with the tiredness and bewilderment, would make them feel out of energy. Giovanni was walking around the house and could not decide when to get back to work, Maria seemed to have aged, within those few days, quiet and skinny in her black dress.

      Giulia was in control of the situation and was hiding behind a painful and efficient silence. When she realised that there was nothing they could do, she had immediately changed her attitude. Without wasting time in commiserations, she organised the family life to try and cope better in those stormy days. She would talk very little and she would be there day and night for the sick woman tirelessly. Maria and the rest would follow her instructions, like sailors who, in dangerous situations, see their captain as the only person to put their full trust in and not someone who just give orders.

      The children reacted differently to the news about the death. Antonino cried for quite a while and lost in his suffering, he had sought shelter in his mummy and aunt’s arms. He had never got into her room and he did not want to see when she was dead. Clara had kept aside. She did not ask for updates. She would look around quietly, then she would spend whole afternoons locked up in her room, forgotten by everybody and just get out when her brother would come in to her looking for company and consolation and they would go downstairs together to eat. When her father asked her if she wanted to say her last goodbye to her auntie, she said yes. They held hands and she went over to the bed where Ada’s lifeless body was resting, dressed as she had seen her on special occasions, with the black shawl over her head that she wore in the church and the rosary beads in between her fingers. She looked at her for long and thought that she seemed to be made of wax, her thin nose and her plump body, always willing to give a warm hug, now still and cold. She felt the distance and Giovanni felt her little hand in his shaken by a nervous tremor. He put his arm around her shoulders and held her in the attempt to shelter her from that sorrow that for the first time, without any tears, was shaking her soul. She got her to leave the room holding her tight to her leg and she could not the warm smell that was comforting her greatly.

      1 Chapter XI

      Worries

      There were not many people at the funeral. People were afraid to get infected and many people did not get back from the war. In the church there were especially the women who sat in the front seats, they were dressed in black with big dark head scarves which were covering their hair. Few men were standing at the bottom of the church, with their hats in their hands. Rudi arrived before the coffin was taken out of the house. He got the news when he was still at Fosco’s where he had stopped a few days after the end of the war. He left right away and his friend did not want to leave him alone and went with him to Viterbo.

      Giulia met him at the door.

      -Rudi..you got back in time…-

      Giulia…-

      They held each other tight, in silence, and for a moment she thought that he was not the young man who left a few years before.

      -I brought Fosco with me… I was in his house…the headquarters told me the news while I was there…I had given them his address…-

      -Very good… we did not know how to contact you and…-

      -Giovanni…-Rudi went over to his brother-in-law who was coming down the stairs of the bedrooms and their handshake was so meaningful that no words needed to be spoken.

      -Are the children and Maria well?-

      -Yes, they are fine – Giulia replied- They have already gone to the church. We did not want them to see ….-

      - Good idea, much better this way…Sorry Giovanni, I have not introduced Fosco Frizmajer to you yet….

      Slightly aside Fosco was watching the scene as a viewer waiting to be a part of. All wrapped up in his long black coat looked taller and thinner. The handshake with his bony hand while they were being introduced seemed strong and sincere to Giovanni. Giulia sensed his enquiring look when he bend down to greet her.

      In the church the nieces and nephews would have wanted to go to Rudi and Antonino smiled and a sudden joy went through his eyes. His auntie’s look was quite enough to discourage him to do anything.

      In the evening they all sat around the table. The children went straight to bed because they were exhausted with all the grief and the toil of a long day. The three men sat down to talk while Giulia and Maria tidied up the kitchen.

      Fosco had been quiet during most of the dinner, almost sorry to have slipped in that private situation of family grieving. However, Rudi and Giovanni managed to involve him in their conversation and just then Giulia had stopped to analyse him. During the meal she felt a bit embarrassed every time she felt he was staring at each of them, unintentional violation of the family intimacy. She did not sense a superficial curiosity of a stranger but the desire to get down into each of them, almost as if he wanted to get a confirmation of a previous belief.

      Maria had an ashen complexion and her black dress highlighted the paleness of her face. She shut herself away, isolated from the others, searching her sister-in-law with her eyes to get instructions as what needed to be done. Nothing that was being said forced its way through her pain.

      -We’ll go upstairs, if you don’t mind- Giulia spoke for the two of them. Fosco stood up to greet them and everybody wished good night, after days of hard work.

      As soon as the men were left alone in the big kitchen now quiet, the tone of their conversation changed, as if up to that moment they wanted to shelter the women from all their worries.

      After a moment of silence, Giovanni said almost under his breath

      -What do people say in Milan about this armistice?-

      -Well… at the moment people are just enthusiastic about the end of the war- Rudi replied.

      -Yes, that’s right. At Villa Giusti a long nightmare has ended-

      -We should get ready for big changes – Fosco said.

      -What do you mean? What changes? Haven’t we experienced enough of them? - Giovanni turned to the young man who suddenly looked more alert and austere.

      -We won’t be the same any longer. I am not talking about us who experienced the war in the barricades, but about the whole society-

      -I was actually thinking we were liberating Trento and Trieste… - Rudi spoke softly

      -Many other young men thought the same as you- Giovanni replied, almost as if he