The Ne'er-Do-Well. Rex Beach

hastily to the door.

      "I beg pardon, sir. I will send the doctor at once."

      "Must think I'm still drunk," mumbled Anthony, dazedly, as he once more laid his head upon his pillow with a groan.

      When his dizziness had diminished sufficiently to permit him to open his eyes he scanned his surroundings more carefully; but his vision was unreliable. His head, too, continued to feel as if his skull were being forcibly spread apart by some fiendish instrument concealed within it. His mouth was parched, his stomach violently rebellious. In spite of these distractions he began to note certain unfamiliar features about this place. The wall-paper, for instance, which at first glance he had taken for the work of some cheap decorator, turned out to be tapestry, as he proved by extending a shaky hand. The low ceiling, the little windows with wooden blinds, the furniture itself, were all out of keeping with hotel usages. He discovered by rolling his head that there was a mahogany dresser over by the door and a padded couch covered with chintz. There were folding brass clothes-hooks on the wall, moreover, and an electric fan, while a narrow door gave him a glimpse of a tiny, white-enamelled bath-room.

      He took in these details laboriously, deciding finally that he was too intoxicated to see aright, for, while the place was quite unlike an ordinary hotel room, neither did it resemble any steamship stateroom he had ever seen; it was more like a lady's boudoir. To be sure, he felt a sickening surge and roll now and then, but at other times the whole room made a complete revolution, which was manifestly contrary to the law of gravitation and therefore not to be trusted as evidence. There were plenty of reasons, moreover, why this could not be a ship. The mere supposition was absurd. No, this must be a room in some up-town club, or perhaps a bachelor hotel. Kirk had many friends with quarters decorated to suit their own peculiar fancies, and he decided that in all probability one of these had met him on the street and taken him home for safe-keeping. He had barely settled this in his mind when the door opened for a second time and a man in uniform entered.

      "The steward said you wanted me," he began.

      "No; I want a doctor."

      "I am the doctor."

      "I thought you were the elevator man. I'm sick—awful sick—"

      "Can you vomit?"

      "Certainly! Anybody can do that."

      The stranger pulled up a stool, seated himself beside the bed, then felt of Anthony's cheek.

      "You have a fever."

      "That explains everything." Kirk sighed thankfully and closed his eyes once more, for the doctor had begun to revolve slowly, with the bed as an axis. "How are the other boys coming on?"

      "Everybody is laid out. It's a bad night."

      "Night? It must be nearly daylight by this time."

      "Oh no! It is not midnight yet."

      "Not midnight? Why, I didn't turn in until—" Anthony raised himself suddenly. "Good Lord! have I slept all day?"

      "You certainly have."

      "Whose room is this?"

      "Your room, of course. Here, take one of these capsules; it will settle your stomach."

      "Better give me something to settle my bill if I've been here that long. I'm broke again."

      "You're not fully awake yet," said the doctor. "People have funny ideas when they're sick."

      "Well, I know I'm broke, anyhow! That's no idea; it's a condition. I went through my clothes just now and I'm all in. I must get back to the Astor, too, for I had arranged to motor up to New Haven at noon."

      "Let me feel your pulse," said the doctor, quietly.

      "The boys will think I'm lost. I never did such a thing before."

      "Where do you think you are?" inquired the physician.

      "I don't know. It's a nice little hotel, but—"

      "This isn't a hotel. This is a ship."

      Anthony was silent for a moment. Then he sighed feebly and said:

      "Doctor, you shouldn't make fun of a man at the point of death. It isn't professional."

      "Fact," said the doctor, abstractedly gazing at his watch, while he held Anthony's wrist between his fingers. "We are one hundred and fifty miles out of New York. The first officer told me you were considerably intoxicated when you came aboard, but," he continued brusquely, rising and closing his watch with a snap, "you will remember it all in a little while, Mr. Locke."

      "What did you call me?"

      "Locke. You haven't forgotten your name, too?"

      "Wait!"

      Again Anthony pressed his throbbing temples with both hot hands and strove to collect his whirling wits. At last he began to speak, measuring his words with care.

      "Now, I KNOW you are wrong, Doctor, and I'll tell you why. You see, my name isn't Locke; it's Anthony. Locke went away on a ship, but I stayed in New York; understand? Well, he's the fellow you're talking to and I'm asleep somewhere down around the Bowery. I'm not here at all. I didn't want to go anywhere on a ship; I couldn't go; I didn't have the price. That supper was a hundred and seventy."

      "Nevertheless, this is a ship," the physician patiently explained, "and you're on it and I'm talking to you. What is more, you have not exchanged identities with your friend Anthony, for your ticket reads 'Jefferson Locke.' You'll be all right if you will just go to sleep and give that capsule a chance to operate."

      "Ask Higgins or Ringold who I am."

      "There's no one aboard by either of those names."

      "Say!" Anthony raised himself excitedly on one arm, but was forced to lie down again without delay. "If this is a ship, I must have come aboard. How did I do it? When? Where?"

      "You came on with two men, or rather between two men, about eight-thirty this morning. They put you in here, gave your ticket to the purser, and went ashore. The slim fellow was crying, and one of the deck-hands had to help him down the gangway."

      "That was Higgins all right. Now, Doctor, granting, just for the sake of argument, that this is a ship and that I am Jefferson Locke, when is your next stop?"

      "One week."

      "What?" Kirk's eyes opened wide with horror. "I can't stay here a week."

      "You will have to."

      "But I tell you I CAN'T, I just can't. I bought a new car the other day and it's standing in front of the New York Theatre. Yes, and I have two rooms and a bath at the Astor, at fifteen dollars a day."

      The physician smiled heartlessly. "You must have been drinking pretty heavily, but I guess you will remember everything by-and-by."

      "I can't understand it," groaned the bewildered invalid. "What ship is this—if it is really a ship?"

      "The SANTA CRUZ. Belongs to the United Fruit Company. This is one of the bridal suites; it is 11:30 P.m., November 21st. We are bound for Colon."

      "Where is that?"

      "Panama."

      "Panama is in Central America or Mexico or somewhere, isn't it?"

      "It is. Now, do you remember anything more?"

      "Not a thing."

      "Well, then, go to sleep. You'll be all right in the morning, Mr.

       Locke."

      "Anthony."

      "Very well, Mr. Anthony, if you prefer. Is there anything more you would like to ask me?"

      "No."

      "Of course, there may have been some mistake," the medical man observed, doubtfully, as he opened the door. "Maybe you intended to take some other ship?"

      "No