William Shakespeare - Ultimate Collection: Complete Plays & Poetry in One Volume. William Shakespeare

then all the dukes fall upon the king.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       Heaven grant us its peace, but not the King of Hungary’s!

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       Amen.

       LUCIO.

       Thou concludest like the sanctimonious pirate that went to sea

       with the ten

       commandments, but scraped one out of the table.

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       Thou shalt not steal?

       LUCIO.

       Ay, that he razed.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN. Why, ‘twas a commandment to command the captain and all the rest from their functions; they put forth to steal. There’s not a soldier of us all that, in the thanksgiving before meat, do relish the petition well that prays for peace.

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       I never heard any soldier dislike it.

       LUCIO.

       I believe thee; for I think thou never wast where grace was said.

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       No? A dozen times at least.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       What? in metre?

       LUCIO.

       In any proportion or in any language.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       I think, or in any religion.

       LUCIO. Ay! why not? Grace is grace, despite of all controversy. As, for example;—thou thyself art a wicked villain, despite of all grace.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       Well, there went but a pair of shears between us.

       LUCIO. I grant; as there may between the lists and the velvet. Thou art the list.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN. And thou the velvet: thou art good velvet; thou’rt a three-piled piece, I warrant thee: I had as lief be a list of an English kersey as be piled, as thou art piled, for a French velvet. Do I speak feelingly now?

       LUCIO. I think thou dost; and, indeed, with most painful feeling of thy speech. I will, out of thine own confession, learn to begin thy health; but, whilst I live, forget to drink after thee.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       I think I have done myself wrong; have I not?

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       Yes, that thou hast, whether thou art tainted or free.

       LUCIO. Behold, behold, where Madam Mitigation comes! I have purchased as many diseases under her roof as come to—

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       To what, I pray?

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       Judge.

       SECOND GENTLEMAN.

       To three thousand dollars a year.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       Ay, and more.

       LUCIO.

       A French crown more.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN. Thou art always figuring diseases in me, but thou art full of error; I am sound.

       LUCIO. Nay, not, as one would say, healthy; but so sound as things that are hollow: thy bones are hollow: impiety has made a feast of thee.

       [Enter BAWD.]

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       How now! which of your hips has the most profound sciatica?

       BAWD. Well, well; there’s one yonder arrested and carried to prison was worth five thousand of you all.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       Who’s that, I pray thee?

       BAWD.

       Marry, sir, that’s Claudio, Signior Claudio.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       Claudio to prison! ‘tis not so.

       BAWD. Nay, but I know ‘tis so: I saw him arrested; saw him carried away; and, which is more, within these three days his head to be chopped off.

       LUCIO. But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so. Art thou sure of this?

       BAWD. I am too sure of it: and it is for getting Madam Julietta with child.

       LUCIO. Believe me, this may be: he promised to meet me two hours since, and he was ever precise in promise-keeping.

       SECOND GENTLEMAN. Besides, you know, it draws something near to the speech we had to such a purpose.

       FIRST GENTLEMAN.

       But most of all agreeing with the proclamation.

       LUCIO.

       Away; let’s go learn the truth of it.

       [Exeunt Lucio and Gentlemen.]

       BAWD.

       Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what with the

       gallows, and what with poverty, I am custom-shrunk.

       How now! what’s the news with you?

       [Enter CLOWN.]

       CLOWN.

       Yonder man is carried to prison.

       BAWD.

       Well: what has he done?

       CLOWN.

       A woman.

       BAWD.

       But what’s his offence?

       CLOWN.

       Groping for trouts in a peculiar river.

       BAWD.

       What! is there a maid with child by him?

       CLOWN. No; but there’s a woman with maid by him. You have not heard of the proclamation, have you?

       BAWD.

       What proclamation, man?

       CLOWN.

       All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be plucked down.

       BAWD.

       And what shall become of those in the city?

       CLOWN. They shall stand for seed: they had gone down too, but that a wise burgher put in for them.

       BAWD.

       But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be pulled down?

       CLOWN.

       To the ground, mistress.

       BAWD. Why, here’s a change indeed in the commonwealth! What shall become of me?

       CLOWN. Come, fear not you; good counsellors lack no clients: though you change your place you need not change your trade; I’ll be your tapster still. Courage; there will be pity taken on you: you that have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you will be considered.

       BAWD.

       What’s to do here, Thomas Tapster? Let’s withdraw.

       CLOWN. Here comes Signior Claudio, led by the provost to prison: and there’s Madam Juliet.

       [Exeunt.]

      Scene III. The same.

       [Enter PROVOST, CLAUDIO, JULIET, and Officers; LUCIO and two

       Gentlemen.]

       CLAUDIO.

       Fellow, why dost thou show me thus to the world?

       Bear me to prison, where I am committed.

       PROVOST.

       I do it not in evil disposition,

       But from Lord Angelo by special charge.

       CLAUDIO.

       Thus can the