Rudyard Kipling: 440+ Short Stories in One Edition (Illustrated). Редьярд Джозеф Киплинг

oath. Mulvaney said nothing, but looked at me as if he expected that I could bring peace to poor Ortheris’ troubled brain.

      I remembered once at Rawal Pindi having seen a man, nearly mad with drink, sobered by being made a fool of. Some regiments may know what I mean. I hoped that we might slake off Ortheris in the same way, though he was perfectly sober. So I said—

      ‘What’s the use of grousing there, and speaking against The Widow?’

      ‘I didn’t!’ said Ortheris. ‘S’elp me Gawd, I never said a word agin ’er, an’ I wouldn’t—not if I was to desert this minute!’

      Here was my opening. ‘Well, you meant to, anyhow. What’s the use of cracking-on for nothing? Would you slip it now if you got the chance?’

      ‘On’y try me!’ said Ortheris, jumping to his feet as if he had been stung.

      Mulvaney jumped too. ‘Fwhat are you going to do?’ said he.

      ‘Help Ortheris down to Bombay or Karachi, whichever he likes. You can report that he separated from you before tiffin, and left his gun on the bank here!’

      ‘I’m to report that—am I?’ said Mulvaney slowly. ‘Very well. If Orth’ris manes to desert now, and will desert now, an’ you, Sorr, who have been a frind to me an’ to him, will help him to ut, I, Terence Mulvaney, on my oath which I’ve never bruk yet, will report as you say. But——’ here he stepped up to Ortheris, and shook the stock of the fowling-piece in his face—eyour fistes help you, Stanley Orth’ris, if ever I come across you agin!’

      ‘I don’t care!’ said Ortheris. ‘I'’m sick o’ this dorg’s life. Give me a chanst. Don’t play with me. Le’ me go!’

      ‘Strip,’ said I, ‘and change with me, and then I’ll tell you what to do.’

      I hoped that the absurdity of this would check Ortheris; but he had kicked off his ammunition-boots and got rid of his tunic almost before I had loosed my shirt-collar. Mulvaney gripped me by the arm—

      ‘The fit’s on him: the fit’s workin’ on him still! By my Honour and Sowl, we shall be accessiry to a desartion yet. Only, twenty-eight days, as you say, Sorr, or fifty-six, but think o’ the shame—the black shame to him an’ me!’ I had never seen Mulvaney so excited.

      But Ortheris was quite calm, and, as soon as he had exchanged clothes with me, and I stood up a Private of the Line, he said shortly, ‘Now! Come on. What nex’? D’ye mean fair. What must I do to get out o’ this ’ere a-Hell?’

      I told him that, if he would wait for two or three hours near the river, I would ride into the Station and come back with one hundred rupees. He would, with that money in his pocket, walk to the nearest side-station on the line, about five miles away, and would there take a first-class ticket for Karachi. Knowing that he had no money on him when he went out shooting, his regiment would not immediately wire to the seaports, but would hunt for him in the native villages near the river. Further, no one would think of seeking a deserter in a first-class carriage. At Karachi he was to buy white clothes and ship, if he could, on a cargo-steamer.

      Here he broke in. If I helped him to Karachi he would arrange all the rest. Then I ordered him to wait where he was until it was dark enough for me to ride into the Station without my dress being noticed. Now God in His wisdom has made the heart of the British Soldier, who is very often an unlicked ruffian, as soft as the heart of a little child, in order that he may believe in and follow his officers into tight and nasty places. He does not so readily come to believe in a ‘civilian,’ but, when he does, he believes implicitly and like a dog. I had had the honour of the friendship of Private Ortheris, at intervals, for more than three years, and we had dealt with each other as man by man. Consequently, he considered that all my words were true, and not spoken lightly.

      Mulvaney and I left him in the high grass near the river-bank, and went away, still keeping to the high grass, towards my horse. The shirt scratched me horribly.

      We waited nearly two hours for the dusk to fall and allow me to ride off. We spoke of Ortheris in whispers, and strained our ears to catch any sound from the spot where we had left him. But we heard nothing except the wind in the plume-grass.

      ‘I’ve bruk his head,’ said Mulvaney earnestly, ‘time an’ agin. I’ve nearly kilt him wid the belt, an’ yet I can’t knock thim fits out av his soft head. No! An’ he’s not soft, for he’s reasonable an’ likely by natur’. Fwhat is ut? Is ut his breedin’ which is nothin’, or his edukashin which he niver got? You that think ye know things, answer me that.’

      But I found no answer. I was wondering how long Ortheris, on the bank of the river, would hold out, and whether I should be forced to help him to desert, as I had given my word.

      Just as the dusk shut down and, with a very heavy heart, I was beginning to saddle up my horse, we heard wild shouts from the river.

      The devils had departed from Private Stanley Ortheris, No. 22639, B Company. The loneliness, the dusk, and the waiting had driven them out as I had hoped. We set off at the double and found him plunging about wildly through the grass, with his coat off—my coat off, I mean. He was calling for us like a madman.

      When we reached him he was dripping with perspiration, and trembling like a startled horse. We had great difficulty in soothing him. He complained that he was in civilian kit, and wanted to tear my clothes off his body. I ordered him to strip, and we made a second exchange as quickly as possible.

      The rasp of his own ‘grayback’ shirt and the squeak of his boots seemed to bring him to himself. He put his hands before his eyes and said—

      ‘Wot was it? I ain’t mad, I ain’t sunstrook, an’ I’ve bin an’ gone an’ said, an’ bin an’ gone an’ done . . . Wot ’ave I bin an’ done?’

      ‘Fwhat have you done?’ said Mulvaney. ‘You’ve dishgraced yourself—though that’s no matter. You’ve dishgraced B Comp’ny, an’ worst av all, you’ve dishgraced Me! Me that taught you how for to walk abroad like a man—whin you was a dhirty little, fish-backed little, whimperin’ little recruity. As you are now, Stanley Orth’ris!’

      Ortheris said nothing for a while. Then he unslung his belt, heavy with the badges of half a dozen regiments that his own had lain with, and handed it over to Mulvaney.

      ‘I’m too little for to mill you, Mulvaney,’ said he, ‘an’ you’ve strook me before; but you can take an’ cut me in two with this ’ere if you like.’

      Mulvaney turned to me.

      ‘Lave me to talk to him, Sorr,’ said Mulvaney.

      I left, and on my way home thought a good deal over Ortheris in particular, and my friend Private Thomas Atkins whom I love, in general.

      But I could not come to any conclusion of any kind whatever.

Haunted Subalterns

      (1888)

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      So long as the ‘Inextinguishables’ confined themselves to running picnics, gymkhanas, flirtations and innocences of that kind, no one said anything. But when they ran ghosts, people put up their eyebrows. ‘Man can’t feel comfy with a regiment that entertains ghosts on its establishment. It is against General Orders. The ‘Inextinguishables’ said that the ghosts were private and not Regimental property. They referred you to Tesser for particulars; and Tesser told you to go to the hottest cantonment of all. He said that it was bad enough to have men making hay of his bedding and breaking his banjo-strings when he was out, without being chaffed afterwards; and he would thank you to keep your remarks on ghosts to yourself. This was before the ‘Inextinguishables’ had sworn by their several lady-loves that they were innocent of any intrusion into Tesser’s quarters. Then Horrocks