Tales from Shakespeare. Charles Lamb

to be no jest.

      The ladies, who before had always been the dearest of friends, now fell to high words together.

      ‘Unkind Hermia,’ said Helena, ‘it is you have set Lysander on to vex me with mock praises; and your other lover Demetrius, who used almost to spurn me with his foot, have you not bid him call me Goddess, Nymph, rare, precious, and celestial? He would not speak thus to me, whom he hates, if you did not set him on to make a jest of me. Unkind Hermia, to join with men in scorning your poor friend. Have you forgot our school-day friendship? How often, Hermia, have we two, sitting on one cushion, both singing one song, with our needles working the same flower, both on the same sampler wrought; growing up together in fashion of a double cherry, scarcely seeming parted! Hermia, it is not friendly in you, it is not maidenly to join with men in scorning your poor friend.’

      I am amazed at your passionate words,’ said Hermia: I scorn you not; it seems you scorn me.’ ‘Ay, do,’ returned Hermia, ‘persevere, counterfeit serious looks, and make mouths at me when I turn my back; then wink at each other, and hold the sweet jest up. If you had any pity, grace, or manners, you would not use me thus.’

      While Helena and Hermia were speaking these angry words to each other, Demetrius and Lysander left them, to fight together in the wood for the love of Helena.

      When they found the gentlemen had left them, they departed, and once more wandered weary in the wood in search of their lovers.

      As soon as they were gone, the fairy king, who with little Puck had been listening to their quarrels, said to him: ‘This is your negligence, Puck; or did you do this wilfully?’ ‘Believe me, king of shadows,’ answered Puck, ‘it was a mistake; did not you tell me I should know the man by his Athenian garments? However, I am not sorry this has happened, for I think their jangling makes excellent sport.’ ‘You heard,’ said Oberon, ‘that Demetrius and Lysander are gone to seek a convenient place to fight in. I command you to overhang the night with a thick fog, and lead these quarrelsome lovers so astray in the dark, that they shall not be able to kind each other. Counterfeit each of their voices to the other, and with bitter taunts provoke them to follow you, while they think it is their rival’s tongue they hear. See you do this, till they are so weary they can go no farther; and when you find they are asleep, drop the juice of this other flower into Lysander’s eyes, and when he awakes he will forget his new love for Helena, and return to his old passion for Hermia; and then the two fair ladies may each one be happy with the man she loves, and they will think all that has passed a vexatious dream. About this quickly, Puck, and I will go and see what sweet love my Titania has found.’

      Titania was still sleeping, and Oberon seeing a clown near her, who had lost his way in the wood, and was likewise asleep: ‘This fellow,’ said he, ‘shall be my Titania’s true love’; and clapping an ass’s head over the clown’s, it seemed to fit him as well as if it had grown upon his own shoulders. Though Oberon fixed the ass’s head on very gently, it awakened him, and rising up, unconscious of what Oberon had done to him, he went towards the bower where the fairy queen slept.

      ‘Ah! what angel is that I see?’ said Titania, opening her eyes, and the juice of the little purple flower beginning to take effect: ‘are you as wise as you are beautiful?’

      ‘Why, mistress,’ said the foolish clown, ‘if I have wit enough to find the way out of this wood, I have enough to serve my turn.’

      ‘Out of the wood do not desire to go,’ said the enamoured queen. ‘I am a spirit of no common rate. I love you. Go with me, and I will give you fairies to attend upon you.’

      She then called four of her fairies: their names were, Pease-blossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustard-seed.

      ‘Attend,’ said the queen, ‘upon this sweet gentleman; hop in his walks, and gambol in his sight; feed him with grapes and apricots, and steal for him the honey-bags from the bees. Come, sit with me,’ said she to the clown, ‘and let me play with your amiable hairy cheeks, my beautiful ass! and kiss your fair large ears, my gentle joy!’

      ‘Where is Pease-blossom?’ said the ass-headed clown, not much regarding the fairy queen’s courtship, but very proud of his new attendants.

      ‘Here, sir,’ said little Pease-blossom.

      ‘Scratch my head,’ said the clown. ‘Where is Cobweb?’

      ‘Here, sir,’ said Cobweb.

      ‘Good Mr. Cobweb,’ said the foolish clown, ‘kill me the red humble bee on the top of that thistle yonder; and, good Mr. Cobweb, bring me the honey-bag. Do not fret yourself too much in the action, Mr. Cobweb, and take care the honey-bag break not; I should be sorry to have you overflown with a honey-bag. Where is Mustard-seed?’

      ‘Here, sir,’ said Mustard-seed: ‘what is your will?’

      ‘Nothing,’ said the clown, ‘good Mr. Mustard-seed, but to help Mr. Pease-blossom to scratch; I must go to a barber’s, Mr. Mustard-seed, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face.’

      ‘My sweet love,’ said the queen, ‘what will you have to eat? I have a venturous fairy shall seek the squirrel’s hoard, and fetch you some new nuts.’

      ‘I had rather have a handful of dried pease,’ said the clown, who with his ass’s head had got an ass’s appetite. ‘But, I pray, let none of your people disturb me, for I have a mind to sleep.’

      ‘Sleep, then,’ said the queen, ‘and I will wind you in my arms. O how I love you! how I dote upon you!’

      When the fairy king saw the clown sleeping in the arms of his queen, he advanced within her sight, and reproached her with having lavished her favours upon an ass.

      This she could not deny, as the clown was then sleeping within her arms, with his ass’s head crowned by her with flowers.

      When Oberon had teased her for some time, he again demanded the changeling boy; which she, ashamed of being discovered by her lord with her new favourite, did not dare to refuse him.

      Oberon, having thus obtained the little boy he had so long wished for to be his page, took pity on the disgraceful situation into which, by his merry contrivance, he had brought his Titania and threw some of the juice of the other flower into her eyes; and the fairy queen immediately recovered her senses, and wondered at her late dotage, saying how she now loathed the sight of the strange monster.

      Oberon likewise took the ass’s head from off the clown, and left him to finish his nap with his own fool’s head upon his shoulders.

      Oberon and his Titania being now perfectly reconciled, he related to her the history of the lovers, and their midnight quarrels; and she agreed to go with him and see the end of their adventures.

      The fairy king and queen found the lovers and their fair ladies, at no great distance from each other, sleeping on a grass-plot; for Puck, to make amends for his former mistake, had contrived with the utmost diligence to bring them all to the same spot, unknown to each other: and he had carefully removed the charm from off the eyes of Lysander with the antidote the fairy king gave to him.

      Hermia first awoke, and finding her lost Lysander asleep so near her, was looking at him and wondering at his strange inconstancy. Lysander presently opening his eyes, and seeing his dear Hermia, recovered his reason which the fairy charm had before clouded, and with his reason, his love for Hermia; and they began to talk over the adventures of the night, doubting if these things had really happened, or if they had both been dreaming the same bewildering dream.

      Helena and Demetrius were by this time awake; and a sweet sleep having quieted Helena’s disturbed and angry spirits, she listened with delight to the professions of love which Demetrius still made to her, and which, to her surprise as well as pleasure, she began to perceive were sincere.

      These fair night-wandering ladies, now no longer rivals, became once more true friends; all the unkind words which had passed were forgiven, and they calmly consulted together what was best to be done in their present situation. It was soon agreed that, as Demetrius had given up his pretensions to Hermia, he should endeavour