Sex For Dummies. Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer

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Introduction

      Humans have been having sex since time immemorial, and not much changed as the centuries slid by. Then in the 1960s, the Pill came out, women could easily control whether or not to become pregnant, and the sexual revolution began. Other advancements followed so that today many more women who couldn’t have orgasms are now orgasmic, and many older people, particularly men, can have sex into their 90s. People are talking to each other about their sexual needs, leading to greater satisfaction, but although we’ve made progress, more needs to be done.

      Millions of young people just beginning their sexual lives need to be taught what to do and how to do it — as safely as possible. There continue to be millions of adults who are still having sex the way cave men and women did in the Stone Age, never having received the message that terrific sex is possible. Dating, that all-important precursor to sex, has changed dramatically. More members of the LGBTQ community can express themselves, but discrimination persists. And finally, many people are still derailed by sexual myths. So although the need for this book has lessened in some ways since it first came out, my job of educating people about good sexual functioning is not yet over.

About This Book

      Do you know how I learned about sex? I was about ten, and my parents kept a marriage manual in a locked cabinet way up high. I had to pile books on top of a chair to reach it, so I literally risked my neck to learn the facts of life. You’re so much luckier because everything you need to know is right here in the palm of your hand. (Okay, not everything. If you have a serious problem, you may have to turn to a professional for help, but at least after reading this book, you’ll know whether you really need to do that.)

      Just as you can have sex many different ways, you can use this book a variety of ways. You can read it from cover to cover, but it’s okay if you skim it too. The table of contents at the front of the book and the index in the rear can point you to the topics you’re interested in. Also, when I talk about something important that you should know that you may have skipped, I always refer to the appropriate chapter.

And because I cover such a wide variety of material, I’m going to suggest that instead of keeping this book on a bookshelf in the basement, you keep it right by your bed — or on the kitchen counter if that’s where you most often engage in sex!

      Now, let me say something about my philosophy at this point.

       I am old-fashioned and a square.

       I believe in God, I believe in marriage, and I believe in morality.

      But, because I can’t dictate to you how you should live your life,

       I believe that I must give you the tools with which to conduct yourself as safely as possible.

      That’s why I believe in giving you information so that, even if you do have premarital sex or even extra-marital sex, at least you have a better chance of not causing unintended pregnancies and not catching a sexually transmitted disease.

      Do I encourage people to develop a relationship before they engage in sex with another person? Absolutely. And I’ll say it again and again throughout this book.

      But even if you’re having a one-night stand, I still want you to wake up the next morning healthy and safe. And I look at this book as an important tool in reaching you and others of all ages to help you discover more useful information on this important subject.

      I’ve written this book so that you can 1) find information easily and 2) easily understand what you find. And although I’d like to believe that you want to pore over every last word between the two yellow and black covers, I actually make it easy for you to identify “skippable” material by presenting it in sidebars (or the shaded boxes that appear here and there). This information is the stuff that, although interesting and related to the topic at hand, isn’t necessary reading.

      Also, some of what I write is addressed to a particular sex. But it’s not a bad idea to know what’s going on inside the head and body of someone else. So although you may not have to read what’s addressed to the opposite sex, you still may want to.

I also include material for gays and lesbians. Straight readers may or may not want to skip those parts, but gays and lesbians shouldn’t ignore most of this book’s contents because much of the information doesn’t depend on the sexual orientation of your partner. Of course, if you are in a same-sex relationship or if you and your partner are senior citizens, you don’t have to worry about causing an unintended pregnancy, so you can safely can skip that material.

      To help you navigate through this book, I’ve set up a few conventions:

       I use Italics for emphasis and to highlight new words or terms that are defined.

       Boldfaced text is used to indicate the action part of numbered steps.

       Monofont is used for Web addresses.

      Some Web addresses may have needed to break across two lines of text. If that happened, rest assured that I haven’t put in any extra characters (such as hyphens) to indicate the break. So, when using one of these Web addresses, just type in exactly what you see in this book, pretending as though the line break doesn’t exist.

Foolish Assumptions

      One assumption I can make is that if you’re capable of reading this book, you’re a sexual being. Some other assumptions I’ve made include

       You want to improve your sex life. I’m not assuming your sex life is bad, just that you’d like to make it better.

       You don’t come from Victorian England when mothers would instruct their about-to-be-wed daughters to just “lie back and think of England.”

       You’re reasonable enough not to engage in risky behavior after the dangers have been pointed out to you.

       If you’re a newbie, whether a teen or just inexperienced, you’re eager to learn the facts of life and avoid the pitfalls of the myths.

       And if you’re a parent, who either wants to give this book to your child or just have it nearby for reference when talking to him or her, you know how important this information is, but you also know that in the end, your child is responsible for his